ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

To think she's a idiot.

(58 Posts)
Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 09:22:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-13 11:15:31

This sort of thing drives me mental

Why are so many people nowadays (and it does seem to be nowadays) afraid to stick up for their own kids?

It is ok to tell someone else's child off! If they've hurt your child and their parents have said nothing. Even if the parents have said something, it's ok to agree with said parent so the child knows you're both onto him/her.

Quite why we seem to live in a society where more and more people are willing to stand there and see their own kids hurt repeatedly, rather than risk upsetting the parents by telling the child off is beyond me.

I couldn't look my kids in the eye if I put someone else's friendship/feelings above their safety.

Please grow a backbone and tell the child off yourself.

ObiWankenYoni Sun 21-Apr-13 11:31:44

I'd be printing this off and showing her

She needs to see how flipping stupid she is!

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Sun 21-Apr-13 11:42:02

I find this quite scary. I thought you were talking about toddlers, not 7 year olds shock.

All this hitting each other and being encouraged to hit people back is really dangerous. In a few years they'll be able to inflict serious damage on other people.

thecatfromjapan Sun 21-Apr-13 11:45:12

The internal bleeding sounds serious. Is she sure about that?? Or does she mean there was a cut on his inner ear? Internal bleeding means some kind of brain injury???? Does it??? In that case, I reckon you'd still be apologising now, and you'd have heard about it way before now. As would everyone else in your son's class!

OK, so 7 is too old to be just hitting and biting. That's toddler behaviour, and they're not toddlers.

Forget about school - if the boy behaves like that in school, the school will sort it out pretty quickly. So just make sure your son is reporting it to school or you, so that you can talk to his teacher.

With regard to your friend - just don't leave them alone together. If there is a group get together, in her house, just keep checking back. If an incident occurs, stare pointedly at her and let a silence make it an issue.

Don't send him for unattended playdates at this boys - it's pointless.

If there are group get togethers that are more about adult sociability, arrange for your son to be elsewhere. don't bring him.

Be prepared to lose the friendship. You can talk to her about it first, but I doubt you'll get anywhere. So just be prepared to drop the friendship. You'll survive. Your friendship with the others will survive. Life is all about change. It's just a change and everyone will shuffle around to accommodate it.

Frankly, if her child is hitting and biting at 7, there is other stuff going on, possibly that you don't know about, so don't assume it's all about your son and you.

thecatfromjapan Sun 21-Apr-13 11:47:11

Also, I'd start the children in something like scouts or woodcraft folk. they are very good with group ethics, and the whole business of dealing with others responsibly, respectfully, without hitting - and expecting that sort of behaviour back again. They really are good ways to socialise your children.

HollyBerryBush Sun 21-Apr-13 11:47:42

The reason we didn't tell ds off was because he was goaded and pulled so much that day we thought it was unfair.

You are giving the message that it is acceptable to lose your temper if provoked enough. Would you accept that as an excuse if you were assaulted?

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Sun 21-Apr-13 11:52:22

I agree with HollyBerryBush

That's a terrible message to send your ds. I have two ds and I can't remember them ever hitting anybody provoked or otherwise. It's not typical behaviour and your DH is an idiot for teaching your ds to hit, whatever the circumstances.

landofsoapandglory Sun 21-Apr-13 12:01:58

Didn't you post that your DS1 was always hitting DS2, and your DH was letting him get away with it because he was his blue eyed boy? maybe DS1 isn't as innocent as you think!

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 13:09:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 21-Apr-13 13:17:40

I think you need to get some new friends and don't let your ds play unsupervised for the time being. Not because he's done anything wrong but you need to be there to monutor what's going on. If the other mother hasn't got over an incident 3? 4? years ago she's not going to do it now. If she was that upset about it she could have stopped her ds playing with yours years ago.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Sun 21-Apr-13 13:33:22

How can you be absolutely certain your ds only hits one other person ie your ds2?

landofsoapandglory Sun 21-Apr-13 13:42:11

That's not what you said on the thread Altinkum!

Your DS is receiving such mixed messages about hitting and violence.

You say he never needs to hit, he just walks away. But he's belted your other DS often enough.

I'd be inclined to distance yourself from the friend and her son, avoid social gatherings and playdates and take a consistent approach with your DS regarding what is acceptable behaviour - whether that it towards your other DC or any other person.

dayshiftdoris Sun 21-Apr-13 18:33:52

Why, Why, Why are you putting your child in this ridiculous situation?

There are plenty of places / group / people who will welcome your children WITHOUT this going on in the background. It is not a good situation for anyone, least of all the children.

Bottom line is Child X had a serious injury inflicted by your son and thus its no surprise that he lashes out first.

And I can say all of this with confidence because I have been in exactly the situation you are in - my son hurt a child causing an A&E visit for an x-ray (badly bruised thankfully).
This was part of a group who I was friends with but after a number of incidents like you describe I walked away and stuck with people and places where my son would get positive reinforcement.

My son now exists in a world where he is tolerated and loved... his self esteem and behaviour has improved as result. He still has challenging behaviour but he's learning... he would never have learnt in the circle you describe.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:11:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:21:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecatfromjapan Sun 21-Apr-13 19:30:40

Good luck. I didn't do Woodcraft Folk with mine but I really wish I had. It provides a social circle for parents too.

As I think you probably can guess from my earlier post, I agree with DayShiftDoris. Now that I've remembered who you are, I really agree with her, and think you're doing the right thing moving away from this situation. You (all of you) just do not need this stress. You'll do just fine without it.

How are you all getting along? (Apart from this?) I hope things are getting easier.

Salmotrutta Sun 21-Apr-13 19:35:49

This original incident - you say your DS was hit, bitten etc. for 3 hours and no-one did anything?

Were you there? If you were, why didnt you stop it?

If you weren't there, how do you know all this hitting, biting etc. happened?

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:40:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:42:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta Sun 21-Apr-13 19:49:52

Ah, OK.

I was a bit confused about the sequence of events.

I'd be staying away socially and re-iterating with school that they must be kept separate whenever possible.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wannabestepfordwife Sun 21-Apr-13 19:58:18

Completely agree with worra your ds needs to know that you will always have his back.

By the sounds of it x's behaviour is just going to get more extreme so I wouldn't be surprised if others in your circle start to distance themselves

CombineBananaFister Sun 21-Apr-13 20:12:43

Really feel for you actually, been in that situation with Ds and nephew and it ended pretty badly - I kid you not, attempted to stab him (ds 3.5 ,nephew 5). We now don't see some family as a result of it.
Also think it's not fair to judge you for telling your Ds to hit back, there comes a point when you can no longer watch your child being hurt with only harsh words as discipline which are completely ineffective if their own parents condone it.
Agree with the telling him off publicly and repeatedly especially using the word 'bully' if you have to mix socially, otherwise walk away from mixing with them.
Decent people spend far to much time being polite in these situations and it damages YOUR child who can't understand why you're not sticking up for him. Hope it works out ok.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-13 22:20:45

since then we have massively limited our time with this child and his mother, however sometimes (about 3 times) we have had social gatherings together and each time, her son has attacked our child and the mother has done nothing.

But nor have you or your DH confused

You're not tackling the child doing the hitting and you're not tackling the parents either.

Nobody in your son's life is doing anything to help him.

Either tackle it or stop putting your son in that situation, it's really not fair.

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