to think it is not acceptable to send people stroppy texts?

(94 Posts)
wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 03:05:25

The other day one of my friends sent me a text message. It was about 8.30pm at which time I am pretty exhausted and busy. It's just after my kids are in bed (post homework, dinner, bath and bed) and I am making dinner for DH and I. Then I want to chill on the sofa with him. If I hear my phone beeping away, I ignore it and by heat time its recharging and away from me. If there is an emergency my family will call me landline. Anyway, the next morning I got a message at 0800 saying "Is there some reason why you don't respond to my messages?????"

Anyway, I felt enough is enough (it's not the only stroppy message I've had from her) and I text back that I am usually busy at night and don't have the phone glued to my ear. I then got another one back about my not being the only person to be busy.

So AIBU to get stroppy about this? I hate messaging people and I hate that we can never not be unavailable these days.

canweseethebunnies Sat 12-Oct-13 18:31:27

Oh, zombie!

canweseethebunnies Sat 12-Oct-13 18:30:37

YANBU. I have a friend who texts me several times a day, every day asking various questions or telling me the latest bit of drama or gossip. It is annoying. Especially when she follows up her first text less than an hour later with 'why are you ignoring me?' or 'it's rude to ignore messages, you know'.

Sometimes I'm busy, and sometimes I do ignore her on purpose because I know if I text her back she'll just keep texting me all day, which I can't be bothered with. It causes a lot of tension in our friendship.

Yes, technically I have 30 seconds free to answer her texts, but sometimes I don't want to!

farrowandbawl Sat 12-Oct-13 18:28:30

Damn it...Zombie thread. I thought it looked familiar.

TidyDancer Sat 12-Oct-13 18:22:19

Maybe you should've given the thread a wide berth, eggyhead, since it ceased in April....!

farrowandbawl Sat 12-Oct-13 18:20:45

YANBU

My ex friend did this to me a lot. I let it slide a few times and told her that the mobile was there for my convinience, not hers and that if it was urgent, call me on the landline. A few weeks later she would do it again, then argue with me by text but refuse to talk to me over the phone or in person.

I can't be arsed with people like that. She was dropped not long after that. Anyone who acts like this to me is kept at arms length. It's more hassle that it's worth.

eggyhead Sat 12-Oct-13 17:03:58

YANBU

Your friend needs to get over herself. I would giving anyone who sent me a text like that a very wide berth...

freddiefrog Mon 22-Apr-13 08:20:39

YANBU

I had a bit of a falling out with a friend over this a couple of weeks ago.

My phone battery had died and given the fact that my phone isn't glued to me, I hadn't noticed until I went to bed and set the alarm. When I turned it on, there was a stream of increasingly snotty texts from a friend about meeting up in the next week.

We had words.

If it's urgent, bloody well ring me!!!!

Spero Mon 22-Apr-13 08:01:58

Retaliation is usually less morally blameworthy than starting off the strop. Don't blame op for being irritated. Because it IS very irritating.

Note - I have weeded out the people in my life who would do this, but they have left deep scars as I am getting very vicariously irritated....

SoupDragon Mon 22-Apr-13 07:56:41

OP so, basically, you responded to a stroppy text with a stroppy text?

Spero Mon 22-Apr-13 07:54:10

We really need an agreed etiquette. Yes, failing to reply at all to a direct question is really rude, particularly if you are trying to arrange something.

I would suggest - random 'how are you' 'just catching up' texts/calls - 48 hour window for response

Texts asking question or requiring info - 12 hours
Phone call asking /requesting with message - about 2 hours max, provided call made in reasonable hours.

And state funded counselling/therapy for those who get anxious or unhappy if people don't respond to them immediately. It must be quite a debilitating condition.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan Mon 22-Apr-13 06:50:38

Maddening flowers hope you're on the mend.

Yanbu OP. I think anywhere up to 48 hours is a suitable time to get back to someone about a non-urgent text.
I am usually either working, cleaning, driving or sorting out my teenagers (or a combination of these).
I do not always have time to reply to text messages. My friends know this and are in the same boat. If someone got stroppy about that, I would question the friendship tbh.

That said, my BF of 20 years is known for not replying to anything. If you ask her to go somewhere (via email, phone message or text), and she decides she doesn't want to, she won't bother replying. She just ignores.
That drives me a bit batty actually. I guess I'm just used to it, but thinking about it now, it is quite rude really.
A reply, even if late, is better than no reply at all.

MagratOfStolat Mon 22-Apr-13 01:09:27

My stepdad does this. It drives me up the flamin' wall.

He'll text you the most inane tripe and then wait 5 minutes. If you've not replied in that five minutes he'll text you again. Repeat the process. If no reply he'll repeat the process a third time before ringing your mobile, leaving a message, ringing the home phone, leaving a message, ringing DP's work, ringing DP's mum to see if she's gotten hold of us.................

I'm sorry, but I think it's on the same level as going up to someone and saying "^speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now speak to me now^"

maddening Sun 21-Apr-13 22:43:16

Mts - I am recovering from an operaration - off my tits on codeine and mn is providing good divertion of attention from pain - what's your excuse?

Spero Sun 21-Apr-13 17:55:40

It's all about communicating isnt it? O the irony. Let your friends knowif you don't answer immediately it is no slight on them.

My friends know I don't always answer my phone immediately. I used toget some comments as long the lines of do you ever answer? And I would explain it may well be at bottom of bag, switched off etc.

But strangely I don't have any friends who demand instant access or insant replies. Because I suspect this kind of needy behaviour spills over into every aspect of their lives and it would make a friendship with them impossible because I am not that kind of person and would find them unbearably irritating.

leafonthewind Sun 21-Apr-13 17:45:46

I don't think YABU, it was only a day after all. I would wonder if you don't reply a lot though and then though your friend is unreasonable in her length of time she may see it as you not bothering with her in general.

I'm pretty much 6 of one 4 of the other when it comes to phones. I won't jump to reply unless it's something that has happened. I once was informed via text by a distraught friend that her mother had died, she was too devastated to talk but wanted to let me know, I sent her a message immediately back, of course i didn't expect a reply but i wouldn't 'wait' on answering even if relaxing because it was important.

On the other hand another friend constantly texts 'forward this' which i ignore, I've made it clear that shit doesn't fly with me- and she contacts almost every day to 'rant' about her day at work. With those i answer in my own time, if i'm free then i will, if i'm not then she waits. Those messages happen all the time and they are annoying after a while, least of all because i have limited texts and my friend's work issues are solvable, she just chooses not to.

On the other hand i have a friend who wants texting back right away or she gets annoyed and at the same time she expects people to chase her. She always says how busy she is, which is fine, but doesn't extend that to others. It's annoying to text her important things and have her ignore, like when we were organising a good friend a party; my friend did minimal work and didn't answer calls or texts but expected me to chase her. She was even updated random 'likes' and 'like here if you are against' messages from her mobile so she saw the messages. When it comes to her texting you though, she waits an hour before rattling off the same message again.

If you were a chaser like that OP, I could see why your friend would get cross but she was unreasonable to get stroppy in such a short amount of time. Honestly, if you were a chaser then she should have done what i did -wait for you to come to her with the typical 'hi stranger' line and then say 'well i thought you were too busy since you never respond to my calls or texts so out of courtesy i gave you the room you wanted.'

I think you and said friend need to talk OP. Only you two know how you both feel-she may feel unappreciated or she may be a 'chaser' herself- you should talk though because bad feeling isn't nice and you don't need her getting stroppy.

Not read the whole thread but YANBU.
Reminds me of a friend of mine... He'll text my partner and if that text isn't answered within 5 mins he'll ring. And if that call isn't answered, because say my fella's in the shower or something, he'll wait 5 mins and ring again, and so on.
His wife says it drives him mad when his texts/calls aren't returned/picked up immediately. He says whats the point in having a mobile? I tell him a mobile is for MY conveinience NOT his!
His hounding annoys the hell out of me but it also amuses me to not pick up my fellas phone when friend calls. I don't even tell fella he's called anymore lol.

Whathaveiforgottentoday Sun 21-Apr-13 13:50:16

X post jensei

LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:49:45

MTSgroupie what is the etiquette on MN to indicate a friendly acknowledgement of different ways of looking at the world?

Mind you, although I haven't yet worked out how to receive txts on my phone yet, I probably wouldn't rush if I knew I was going to be shouted at for not looking at my phone (wherever it is, I think it has run out of charge as I still can't find it even when I ring it).

Whathaveiforgottentoday Sun 21-Apr-13 13:49:19

I thing it's rude to assume people should answer straight away. My phone is locked away during the day and although I do check it lunchtimes I don't always. I will usually reply same day but I I don't spend my life glued to my mobile just in case somebody texts me. If its urgent, ring the person.
If somebody sent me a text like that they wouldn't stay my friend for long.
I expect people like this are also the same people who text others when they are out having a meal and expect the other person to just sit there while they play with their mobile.

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 13:47:48

MTS, are you the kind of person who texts people when you're in the company of other friends and family? Like the woman I saw in a cafe yesterday who was dividing her attention between her friend and her phone?

Personally, I like to give my full attention to whatever I'm doing at any given time. So if I got a text while I was meeting a friend or playing with my kids, it would have to wait. I guess we wouldn't be friends.

Panzee Sun 21-Apr-13 13:38:12

MTS if it's urgent, ring.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 21-Apr-13 13:34:41

I doubt is be your friend too. I would consider it much ruder to whoever I was with at the time be it a friend , the children or dh to stop to reply to your text.

To be honest if I knew someone like you there is no way you would even have my mobile number.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 13:32:05

Lisa - You are probably right. If you can't be arsed are too busy to spend 30 seconds reading my text and replying 'ok. talk later' then I wouldn't want to be friend either.

LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:22:33

MTSgroupie - no offence, but we probably wouldn't be best buds in real life. I can't help thinking that txts are for messages that don't need an immediate reply. I think I am a bit old for this technology.

LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:19:59

blush not exactly sure where my mobile is and I still haven't worked out how to open texts on it. <long dull story emoticon>

I respond to emails, as and when. txts are not likely to get much of a response.

btw - it is not a legal requirement to answer the phone. Let it ring if you are doing something else. As for txts...

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