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to think it is not acceptable to send people stroppy texts?

(94 Posts)
wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 03:05:25

The other day one of my friends sent me a text message. It was about 8.30pm at which time I am pretty exhausted and busy. It's just after my kids are in bed (post homework, dinner, bath and bed) and I am making dinner for DH and I. Then I want to chill on the sofa with him. If I hear my phone beeping away, I ignore it and by heat time its recharging and away from me. If there is an emergency my family will call me landline. Anyway, the next morning I got a message at 0800 saying "Is there some reason why you don't respond to my messages?????"

Anyway, I felt enough is enough (it's not the only stroppy message I've had from her) and I text back that I am usually busy at night and don't have the phone glued to my ear. I then got another one back about my not being the only person to be busy.

So AIBU to get stroppy about this? I hate messaging people and I hate that we can never not be unavailable these days.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 08:50:02

OP - Don't you find it kind of ironic that you are spending time on MN complaining about not having time to respond to your friend's texts?

Buy she's not complaining about not having time confused she's complaining about her friends attitude.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 09:06:47

But her friend's attitude results from the OP not finding the time to type a 30 second repy.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 09:15:06

I'm the flip side of many of you. People only call me if it's an involved (and important) conversation. Otherwise they either text or email me. This originated back in the days when DCs were babies and all our waking moments were spent looking after them. People would call mid feed or bath time or ... In the end we switched the phone ringer off and ignored mobile calls. People soon got the hint.

So, I don't understand why posters are saying that people can call them if they want an immediate response. I much rather have a text that I can deal with later in the evening.

bringmeroses Sun 21-Apr-13 09:15:07

YANBU!! How ridiculous. I'd give her a wide berth in future .

Justaperfectday Sun 21-Apr-13 09:15:45

I find a phone call much more intrusive than a text that I can answer when I like.
Not good to get stroppy over a non reply though.

wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 09:20:02

I don't have a problem with people sending me texts or with finding 30 secs to respond. I do have an issue with people who think I am at their beck and call and that I should drop what I am doing to respond.

The other pet hate is I can be talking to someone face to face and mention somewhere I have been/ something I have done and they then say - oh can you SMS me the name of that XXXX. How about you get out a pen and write it down?

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 09:23:11

Like I said, I'm the flip side. I have given 'friends' like the OP a wide birth.

If they can't be arsed to find 60 seconds during the evening to read my text and to type "I'll get back to you" or "Ok" then they aren't people I want to be friends with.

Groovee Uruguay Sun 21-Apr-13 09:23:50

I leave my phone downstairs at night, so I don't get texts til the next morning. So if I go to bed at 8pm then yes I will miss texts from people.

maddening Sun 21-Apr-13 09:35:15

But mts - the friend has no idea why there is no response - maybe the op hasn't seen/looked at the message, maybe the op has lost her phone/run out of battery, is doing something else etc or even gone to bed.

The op would have replied appropriately to the text at her earliest convenience but then to receive a stroppy message which assumes that the op has read and ignored the message is ridiculous from a normal adult.

DiscoDonkey Sun 21-Apr-13 09:45:15

I don't keep my phoned glued to me so often don't see messages. I have a friend who thinks it's outdated to use a landline so will only text or phone mobile. If I don't pick up she'll text about thre or four times and then start texting dh to find out if everything is ok or if she's upset me somehow.

I am a sahm there is a good chance if she phoned the landline I'll hear it and pick up, but she absolutely will not phone on the home phone confused

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 21-Apr-13 09:46:36

This is one of the reasons I refuse to get a BlackBerry from work. Just because it is physically possible to reply instantly does not mean you have to.
Oh and m t s if the irony of switching off your phone so you don't have to respond but still expecting other folks to answer to texts within the hour hasn't hit you then that's your issue not your friends.
The only time I get annoyed if friends don't respond to texts or emails is if I'm trying to plan something and even then I'd give it a few days before I got irked.

Primrose123 Sun 21-Apr-13 09:47:26

YANBU

Why should someone keep their phone on them at all times? When I come home, my phone stays in my bag, or gets plugged in to charge. I may not hear a call or text coming in, but I will respond to it when I am ready. I am not 'on call' 24 hours a day. The way I see it, I own the phone, the phone does not own me. I sometimes even <gasp> turn it off!

To be honest, if one of my friends was stroppy because I didn't respond immediately to a text, I wouldn't consider them much of a friend.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 21-Apr-13 09:53:27

Yanbu I try not to txt friends around DC bedtime...and if I do, I would never be stroppy that they didn't get back to me...I'm more likely to regret bothering them!

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 21-Apr-13 10:05:03

I had a friend like this.

If you didn't respond to his text he'd send them over and over again. This was back in the day when phones only held 10/15 messages so it would be come clogged up and there was no change of them getting through.

Annoying and needy.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 21-Apr-13 10:06:32

Yanbu. I haven't looked at my mobile for days, its a good job she's not my friend.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 21-Apr-13 10:09:19

Same as most of the others. My phone could be anywhere in the house. I choose whether or not to answer calls /reply to texts.

Dh is a teacher so I use text mostly to send him. Message so he can pick it up in between classes.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 10:15:37

maddening - the OP said that she ignores the phone beeping if she is relaxing on the sofa. I suspect that the friend was getting stroppy about this pattern of behavior.

maddening Sun 21-Apr-13 10:16:37

But the friend didn't know she had heard the phone beeping.

Panzee Sun 21-Apr-13 10:18:36

I don't think it's ever acceptable to get stroppy by text. I think if there is a problem it needs to be thrashed out in person or over the phone.

maddening Sun 21-Apr-13 10:18:41

And the op had not specifically ignored that person's message - it is a blanket refusal of all messages - she could have put the phone on silent for the same effect.

Lottashakingoinon Sun 21-Apr-13 10:22:36

the OP said that she ignores the phone beeping if she is relaxing on the sofa. I suspect that the friend was getting stroppy about this pattern of behavior.

But why shouldn't she ignore it (even if she heard it) if this is her down time? And IF friend knows this is her pattern of behaviour why doesn't she work around it rather than bludgeon OP into changing it.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 21-Apr-13 10:24:41

This is why only close family and a very few selected friends have my mobile number.

I am partly deaf. I don't always hear my phone, even when it's in my pocket.

If someone sends a text, I'll deal with it when I am able, at my convenience. I am not obliged to jump up and answer calls/texts just because someone has called/texted me. Those calls and text are an invitation to answer, not a command.

So, even though I am partly deaf, I don't keep checking my phone in case I've missed someone's call. I might check it once every couple of hours but I am not going to tie myself to the phone. I won't answer the phone when driving, and recently had the phone switched off for 3 hours while with DP in A&E (in fact, it was all night in the end, I didn't switch it back on when we got home).

So I find MTSgroupie's stance interesting. She wants people to text/email her for her to respond at her convenience, but expects other people to reply to her messages within the hour. And judges people for it.

People may have many reasons for not answering phones, and I feel that relaxing on a sofa at the end of the day a good enough reason for not getting up to answer phone.

Spero Sun 21-Apr-13 11:24:43

If I am relaxing on the sofa I DO NOT WANT to talk, text or whatever. So if you send me a text when I am relaxing, I will ignore it until the next morning.

If your need for the validation of an instant response to a text trumps my need to relax, then you are not much of a friend. If it is urgent then call. If it isn't urgent, why on earth get the hump if it isn't answered immediately?

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