to think it is not acceptable to send people stroppy texts?

(94 Posts)
wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 03:05:25

The other day one of my friends sent me a text message. It was about 8.30pm at which time I am pretty exhausted and busy. It's just after my kids are in bed (post homework, dinner, bath and bed) and I am making dinner for DH and I. Then I want to chill on the sofa with him. If I hear my phone beeping away, I ignore it and by heat time its recharging and away from me. If there is an emergency my family will call me landline. Anyway, the next morning I got a message at 0800 saying "Is there some reason why you don't respond to my messages?????"

Anyway, I felt enough is enough (it's not the only stroppy message I've had from her) and I text back that I am usually busy at night and don't have the phone glued to my ear. I then got another one back about my not being the only person to be busy.

So AIBU to get stroppy about this? I hate messaging people and I hate that we can never not be unavailable these days.

Fuckwittery Sun 21-Apr-13 03:19:37

This drives me insane too YANBU

lauriedriver Sun 21-Apr-13 03:19:45

your not at all being unreasonable, I put my phone on silent when I finish work & if anyone needs me then call the house!! It really pisses me off people who expect an instant reply

KeatsiePie Sun 21-Apr-13 03:45:52

YANBU, I don't think it's reasonable to expect that someone can text you back right when you would like. If it were something crucial I would check in again by calling or emailing, I wouldn't expect the other person to know that it was something crucial just from my texting once.

maddening Sun 21-Apr-13 06:24:18

Yanbu - I can't imagine why people send them - you only end up looking a twat and it's there to be read and reread. You have no idea of the reason for a lack of reply.

If I needed a reply I would chase up with a call and be apologetic for that (or call in the first place)

Gingerodgers Sun 21-Apr-13 06:45:06

I am someone who leaves phone in car etc. no one ever expects me to respond right away, if they want to talk , they will phone. Just be a little unavailable, they will get the message.

Numberlock Sun 21-Apr-13 06:45:44

What was the original text about?

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 07:00:04

Yanbu, but I'm rubbish about replying to texts quickly. I work FT in a demanding role and am busy with family stuff in the evenings so it quite often takes me a few hours to respond, or sometimes I don't even see the texts until the next day. I know it really irks some people, but that's just too bad in my opinion. I don't have the time to be annoyed by petty stuff like this!

ObiWankenYoni Sun 21-Apr-13 07:11:54

YANBU

Who wants to be clouded by other peoples needs, after a very long day. I always say, if it's that important then they can call the landline. No guarantees I'll answer that either though grin

I'm phone phobic blush

Iwantmybed Sun 21-Apr-13 07:20:49

I ditched a best friend over it.

OddBoots Sun 21-Apr-13 07:23:57

One of the reasons I like sending texts is because I feel like the person I'm sending it to can deal with it at a time that suits them. YANBU.

takeaway2 Sun 21-Apr-13 07:26:19

My sil is like that. When I first met her she seemed nice, normal although a bit intense. We don't live near by so she texts. And if we don't respond in 2-3 min it becomes an issue. She texts again. And again. Or texts my dh (she's his brothers wife).

I immediately gave her a wide berth. Still do.

Molehillmountain Sun 21-Apr-13 07:29:57

Good lord-the beauty of texting for me is that I can send a text, safe in the knowledge that my friend can leave it until they are ready to read it and answer. I feel intrusive if I call someone - it's feels like saying "answer now!!!" . I'm a bit weird on that. Even if I call someone, I assume that they will not answer if they're busy-that's what answer phones are for. Your friend is being unreasonable and rather needy.

TidyDancer Sun 21-Apr-13 07:30:16

I'm on the fence a bit with this one.

I appreciate time to myself so I understand, but I don't like to ignore friends, even if it's not an emergency. If I was enjoying time with DP and didn't want to engage in a long conversation over text, I would just say I couldn't really get into a conversation now, so would text in the morning.

I get why people ignore messages, so it's not a judgement, I just tend to do things differently.

StroppyPoppy Sun 21-Apr-13 07:36:24

YANBU. I had this when I had a newborn. Hadn't heard the text amid the evening colic crying. Two hours later I got a stroppy text.

The original message didn't ask a question or seem to need a response but they kicked off.

Thing is, when I text anyone, they never respond immediately and it doesn't matter. If it's urgent then call!

Jemma1111 Sun 21-Apr-13 07:44:20

Op, your friend asked if ' there was some reason you don't respond to her messages'
Obviously as far as she is concerned its not the first time you haven't replied and I would guess that's why she's pissed off and probably feels that she is just not important enough as a friend for you to bother getting back to her .

wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 07:44:23

It was just an SMS about meeting up some time, not super urgent. Anyway, it's not really about texting. My issue is that I do not appreciate people being aggressive or snotty with me whether it is a text, on the phone or face to face because I have not dropped everything and come running like a lap dog. If I do not get my own way or am not getting attention I generally do not throw my toys out of the pram because I am an adult.

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 07:46:14

But tidy, that still assumes that you've seen the text in the first place. I keep miy phone on silent while I'm at work, and rarely have time to check it during the day. I quite often forget to switch on the ring tone again in the evening, and I don't carry it all around the house with me, so might often only notice a text several hours after I have received it.

wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 07:48:44

Jemma, you are right tin that sometimes I receive texts from her that are to Wreckit and 6 others and I do not respond because I don't appreciate getting spammy texts.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 08:10:16

A few months ago I sent a similar stroppy message to my sister even though the latest text didn't require an immediate reply. She often replies day later or not at all and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

When I get a general 'how are things?' text I usually reply before I go to bed or when I'm on the train to work the next morning. However, if someone text to ask a specific question then I reply within the hour. My life isn't that busy and I am not that fragile that I can't spare two minutes while watching or while I am chilling.

GizzaCwtch Sun 21-Apr-13 08:17:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tee2072 Sun 21-Apr-13 08:22:02

The whole beauty of texts is that they are still there hours later when you feel like dealing with it.

Tell her that. Or tell her to fuck off, you're not at her beck and call.

Whichever suits your style better.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 08:27:51

.. or you can simply ignore that text as well smile

Bunbaker Sun 21-Apr-13 08:35:25

That is the main problem with today's forms of communication. So many people expect to be able to contact other people immediately and get an instant response.

We still have a landline and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future (OH works from home and most of his family either don't use mobiles or have PAYG phones so their main method of contacting us is by phone). If anyone wants to contact me to get a guaranteed response they ring me. I do the same with my friends and family as well. Besides, I hate texting, I would far rather talk to someone.

spottyparrot Sun 21-Apr-13 08:46:48

Yanbu
If instant reply needed/something urgent, phone call needs to be made.
Otherwise text so people can read at their leisure.
I would distance myself from someone who thinks it is ok to sent stroppy texts over nothing.

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