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to think most men would jump at the chance of NSA sex?

(186 Posts)
Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont Sat 20-Apr-13 23:13:50

SO I met a guy in a bar about 2 weeks ago. Seemed like a nice guy and we swapped numbers. We were both quite clear that neither of us wanted a relationship. I said I was looking more for a Friends with Benefits type situation. We are both single - so no harm done.

Went to his house last week and one thing lead to another.

The week afterwards he turned quite cold towards me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for round 2 again soon and he avoided the question and was basically playing games.

I said I couldn't be bothered playing games. He said ok then and deleted me off Facebook.

I'm really pissed off about it tbh. I think most men would love that type of offer and I don't get why he turned so horrible.

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Apr-13 23:40:27

Isn't 'friends with benefits' something you drift into gradually as/when, rather than something you both decide on beforehand?

Uppatreecuppatea Sat 20-Apr-13 23:44:24

He doesn't want to be with you. Even with no strings.

Go fishing elsewhere....find deeper waters for you. He is not for you.

Have fun fishing though grin

BinksToEnlightenment Sun 21-Apr-13 00:21:03

I see why you're annoyed - honestly I do - but the truth is you'll never know why he's not interested in continuing to see you. He doesn't even know you though, so it's unlikely to be anything you did.

CabbageLeaves Sun 21-Apr-13 07:18:17

Deleting off Facebook can be childish but can also be fear of stalking I am the sort who doesn't make loads of Facebook contacts. It's a really strictly only people I feel affection or trust a lot list

I have a colleague who is lovely but... She mails/texts her date and then mails/texts again before they have chance to respond. She's very intense and has recently been upset when dumped by two blokes she really liked. Each time I suspect it's been her intensity. She would tell you that she doesn't chase whilst in the same breath saying so I mailed him...and then I realised he might have thought....so I mailed him again...he didn't reply which I though was odd so I mailed again to say sorry about the no. of emails but I was just..... In her head each time she gave him options and reassurances of her 'not chasing' whilst cornering the poor bloke.

You probably don't see yourself like this OP and I'm sure you are not but... To post a thread about this suggests one thing yet your words say another. I think you are not really after what he's after. You don't want commitment but you do want a relationship (eg Facebook) He wanted relationship, commitment free sex.

b4bunnies Sun 21-Apr-13 07:23:54

op, what is your problem?
you offered 'no strings' sex, he took it, and now you are offended because he doesn't want to be roped in to doing it again?
who cares why he doesn't?
perhaps its because he doesn't want to be hanging around with a woman who has sex with virtual strangers.

WMittens Sun 21-Apr-13 07:35:19

Can I just step in to defend the honour of 'not-most' men and say not every man is going to jump at the chance of NSA sex.

BalloonSlayer Sun 21-Apr-13 07:40:35

Well maybe in the meantime he has met someone that he wants to have a relationship with?

Wishiwasanheiress Sun 21-Apr-13 07:44:14

You surely have to be friends for fwb to actually work? U met him in a bar. That's one night stand territory. U didn't want a rel but get grumpy he won't see u again for 'no strings sex' but ur view of sex has strings to it doesn't it? Ur grumpiness makes him delete u off fb. Sorry but possibly where u see ur behaviour one way he saw something else entirely.

I think he's probably right to delete as this doesn't sound workable between u. Better luck next time.

Wishiwasanheiress Sun 21-Apr-13 07:46:33

I also don't believe most guys want NSA any more than most women do. NSA tends to suit for a short time frame. Genuinely most people long term want a rel.

CabbageLeaves Sun 21-Apr-13 07:52:28

perhaps its because he doesn't want to be hanging around with a woman who has sex with virtual strangers This is a disgusting comment. He had sex with a virtual stranger. Your comment implies some sort of judgement on women alone for this behaviour. You might have different judgement values but apply it to both sexes.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Sun 21-Apr-13 07:56:45

YABU to use your one experience to make a generalisation about "most men".

And your experience proves your point. You had sex, you didn't have a relationship. No need to get pissy because he didn't want to have sex with you again. Are you feeling a bit hurt about that?

digerd Sun 21-Apr-13 08:16:18

OP
You did say you wanted a "friend with benefits". Is that exactly what you told him? If so, perhaps he took that as one night stands only.
Perhaps he wanted affection and didn't get it, or didn't want affection involved and felt you were too friendly for him.
Perhaps he just wanted sex like a prostitute for free - no kissing or hugging etc.

Who knows.? His interpretation of 'no relationship' probably meant not even as a friend.
He was not for you, you were not for him - forget him.

Shakirasma Sun 21-Apr-13 08:30:17

You met 2 weeks ago, decided you both fancied some NSA bedroom fun. You met up a week ago, then 1 week later you were pushing to meet up again?

Thats not NSA, that's dating. You came on too strong and he has run for the hills.

Sorry OP but you asked for a repeat far too soon and scared him off.

Tee2072 Sun 21-Apr-13 08:33:30

Did you say 'I don't want strings, but I want more than one night?'

Because to me? That's strings.

So if you didn't say that, then he didn't know you wanted more than one night.

And as soon as it's more than one night, it's no longer NSA.

ArtVandelay Sun 21-Apr-13 08:36:43

YABU, your assertion that 'most men would love that type of offer' is deeply flawed. There are so many variables based on individual personal tastes, beliefs and preferences that you cannot possibly say that what you are offering here is irresistible. It's pretty conceited really! I know it probably burns that he decided he didn't fancy you anymore but seriously, reel in the outrage and allow your relationships to develop naturally rather than trying to control people. When you meet the right person it won't be this stressful smile

Justaperfectday Sun 21-Apr-13 08:43:13

Maybe he just didn't want to?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 21-Apr-13 08:46:53

You had no strings attached sex.

that means no strings

Including not having to do it again.

Although he was rude about it. I don't think no strings attached gives someone the right to be discouteous.

But what are you peeved about? You wanted sex with no strings. You got it. You should be feeling, well, nothing right now. Shouldn't you?

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 08:48:21

You might have been a crap shag, or he just didn't want to be used.

MagicHouse Sun 21-Apr-13 08:50:34

I also think that a man who jumped at the offer of "no strings attached" sex would assume this to mean no phone calls/ no making arrangements/ maybe just bumping into each other and getting together again. Calling to arrange a "date" to meet up would scare a man like that off.
I think you need to work out exactly what you want, otherwise you're just going to end up getting hurt.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 21-Apr-13 08:53:51

True. There's a difference between 'no strings attached' and (I really hate this term but I can't think of another!) 'fuck buddies'

Perhaps he saw no strings attached as a one night stand, whereas you were looking for a FB arrangement?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 21-Apr-13 08:54:17

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS!

As soon as I pressed post, it came to me grin

Tee2072 Sun 21-Apr-13 08:56:23

Hec grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 21-Apr-13 08:56:38

blush and it's right there in your op.

In my defence I have had this page open for ages while I went to the loo and got a coffee so I forgot what you actually said! grin

Ignore EVERYTHING I said. You were very clear with him about what you wanted. I don't know what the HELL I am on about! hmm

If you only just met him then you aren't friends. So it isn't a FWB situation. So there is no real impetus to see you again. I'm sure the sex was fine and good but meeting up again might feel like dating territory considering you don't know each other.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 21-Apr-13 08:58:42

hiya Tee.

What the hell is the matter with me, eh?

I come spout a load of bollocks that is basically just saying what the op said in her bloody first post.

She's going to come and read this and go like this

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