Oh Greenkit, I was just about to post something similar. My situation is slightly different, but I completely relate to the loneliness.
I have a couple of friends, who I believe are 3am friends, but they both live in London. I have no friends where I live. It really upsets me to see that in black and white.
I try not to let it get to me too much, but it does - especially because of my age, I'm in my late 20s, and I don't even have the excuse of a busy family life because I'm still ttc.
I've always felt that I seemed to have fewer friends than other people, and have always valued '3am friends' over acquaintances. But I lost touch with my few school friends when I moved to uni (they stayed in my home town). I made a few close friends and coursemates at uni, and then I moved abroad for quite a few years, and they all moved to London. I made only one friend abroad, which just seems unbelievable to me. I then came back to my home town. I initially tried to get back in touch with old school friends, but of course they had moved on in. I visit my uni friends a couple times a year, but can't admit how lonely I am here. It's not as if I find it impossible to meet people and make friends, I've made friends before! I started a course and met my DP, and made another friend (who moved away and I lost touch with).
In many ways I'm lucky because I do have a few really great friends who I have kept in touch with (though I know that they've made lots of other friends since, and probably don't see me as as important in their lives as they are in mine). But what I really feel I'm missing is actually the acquaintances - not people to call at 3am, or the people who'd visit you in hospital - but people to go to the pub with, people to gossip with, people to chat to. I'm trying to put this down to my stage of life - I'm in my 20s, I and everyone else I know has moved around a fair bit for work or study, and that makes it hard to keep in touch. But I can't shake the feeling that I've missed the main window for making friends. Everyone's enduring friends seem to be people from school or uni. As far as I can see it gets harder to meet people the older you get. I am either hiding my loneliness well or it is very obvious, because my DP has actually come out and said that he thinks I spend too much time with him and that it would do me good to spend more time with other people. Then I had to come out and say - well who should I be spending time with, and point out that I had no friends in this city. I ended up crying and he was embarrassed/felt sorry for me, which made me feel even worse (sort of). It is affecting my future plans/esteem to the extend that I don't ever want to get married, or at least try to have a wedding, as I would be embarrassed by my lack of friends. My DP has a squad of friends and I'd just feel terrible to invite a handful of people compared to his 60+ Some of his friends have started having babies now and I see them getting loads of love and support and attention (and flowers and gifts!) from friends, and I feel that no one will do this for me beyond my family and DP.
I have tried to do things like take classes to make friends, but it hasn't really worked - though I have lots of hobbies now... It isn't helped by the fact that I work at home at the moment. I am hoping that when I am upduffed then I will meet lots of lovely new mummies looking for mutual support and may find some new friends there. I'm also hoping that I can make new friends when my work situation changes (and am even considering changing my field of work just so I have a chance to make new friends, I'm that desperate). But behind that is the worry that I'm still going to feel embarrassed about my lack of 'real' friends when I meet new people I get on with.
It's the lack of female friends I feel especially, I think. red if other ladies there felt the same as me - missing real female friends. I feel that there's a special type of friendship between ladies that have grown up together, had their teenage dramas together, negotiated their 20s, careers and relationships together. I know that I will never have that now, no matter how many new friends I might make. I was on the salihughes facebook group and when she moved to a new forum there was this big online celebration of (virtual) female friendship, and I wondered if they all felt the same.... are long female friendships like this more of a cultural ideal than a real thing? Am I pining for something that doesn't even typically exist?
I'm sorry I've splurged all this on your thread, Greenkit, but I was just about to get it off my chest! Even writing it down has made me realise that I miss the company of acquaintances/social opportunities more than a lack of '3am friends'.
What, if you don't mind me asking, is your history of friendships like? Did you have friends before you started a family? Are there people you've lost touch with?