Foolish parents and very young children in car parks(62 Posts)
<<very judgey, deal with it>>
So today I've been to the farm shop. It has quite a big car park and is very naice. It also has a petting farm/playpark place. Lovely. Very popular with families. As I came back to my car I saw a family parked nearby getting all their stuff together obviously for a trip to said playpark. They had got their very young son out (maybe 18 months at the most) and they got their pushchair and they got out a ball. Which they gave to him, he dropped and ran after and they sorted of carried on milling around. In no way was he under their control to be safe from traffic. Finally dad felt the pushchair was sufficiently laden and they set off towards the park in a straggly row of three with child completely free range - in fact he nearly walked in to me coming the other way and I sent him towards parents. Then a HUGE car drove in to the car park and they work up a bit and picked him up. He screamed. Car passed and dad put him down to continue his free range rampage. When last seen they were at the end of the car park, mum out of sight and dad at least two metres away from and in front of the child - who was walking right next to the boots and bonnets of the parked cars. None of the drivers of which would have been able to see him at all. All they would have seen is an adult male walking along two metres away.
AIBU to think these parents were fools who will be spending time in A&E with this child as a result of an RTA at some point. I really wish I'd said something to them Were we the only parents to have 'carpark rules' - always hold hands, don't walk right behind cars, stand very still whilst I unlock the car and if you're too young to do that you get held on to.
Mine are used to me saying
screeching CAR PARK
whenever we are in one.
Children see a lot of parked cars. They are not going to think about the cars reversing and trying to park. All those drivers so intent on finding a good place that they forget to look for anything else.
So I am extra careful, as a pedestrian and when I am driving. Everyone is distracted in a car park.
I happily put my 3.5YO triplets onto reigns when we get out of the car because I know that I can't physically hold all 3 of their hands at once.
It's either reigns on, or we sit in the car until they are ready to put them on - I'm not going to compromise on safety just because of a bit of whinging or tantrumming about reign-wearing or hand-holding. YANBU OP.
building my dc1 is 'trained' to stop at driveways and wait until I give her the all clear. Dc2 will be when he is old enough, for now he has his rein backpack thing as he is a bolter.
I had a similar
row discussion with DP based on this, about our school Run tactics. DS1 is a sensible child but is 3. I make him walk holding the pushchair (has a toddle tug for purpose) or my hand. DP allows him to run ahead. He actually said "its ok he knows to stop at the road". FFS why gamble with my sons life you idiot man
YANBU even dp is a hand holder in car parks. I tend to sit DS in the boot or leave him strapped in until last.
I have been known to yell 'Car Park rules' at my 11 year old.
One of the very few times I have really lost my temper with my 5 year old is when she started to feck about in a carpark. I also have a 26 month old who takes an umbrage to holding hands in carpark. She gets tucked under my arm and just told to catch herself on.
DD is 27 months and we have a non negotiatable rule of holding hands in car parks. Shes not keen but I dont care, id rather a tantrum than a squashed child!
Mind you I also leave the kids in the car alone whilst I nip into the shop, garage, postoffice and three of them, a "fast" carpark especially at our local post office and one pair of hands is one of the reasons why.
KateShmate may I suggest dog-leads rather than the useless short reins that the harness set normally comes with? I found them a godsend when dtds were small and erratic. You can loop them over your wrist while rooting about in purse etc.
They clearly haven't had the Moment of Terror experience yet where you turn your back for a split second and your DC disappears or runs out in front of a car.
This happened to me just shortly after DS had started walking confidently outside. I had him out of the car and blocked in with my body then I dropped something so I stepped away to get it for a few seconds, assuming (big mistake) he would stay with me. Turned around and he was gone, half-way across the car park. Thankfully no car was coming but if one had, they'd never have seen him. That scared me enough to always hold his hand or carry him in car parks now.
saw a lot of this when we lived in godalming years ago.
worst one was when this man was strolling along with his older son running ahead and his younger, 2/3yo, son wandering behind.
2/3yo wandered off behind a parked car and out towards the road, dad was still oblivious. luckily we stopped the child just as his dad turned to look for him.
if we hadn't been following the child would have been out in the road before his dad could get to him as he was about 20 tall-man-paces away from his ds.
I get looks for gripping DDs wrist in a vice like grip while she dangles screaming from my hand but I would rather have dirty looks than a dead child.
DD is 10 and we still watch her like a hawk in carparks! YANBU.
I have actually hit a child in a car park .
Totally his fault - he was 11 and running in and out of parked cars messing with friends - he ran out from behind a van (so I could not see him coming)straight into my car! luckily he was OK enough to run off when a passer by came to assist me, we got his name address and school from friends and reported it to police just in case his parents tried at a later point to track me down for ££££ - but by God it shook me up.
Mine have all used reins - sick of people saying "I wouldn't put my toddler on a lead like a dog" - the simple fact is, if you are walking a dog in a public place you DO keep them on a lead for safety, so why ever not do the same with your DC. Lady at school has preschool twins who she lets run on ahead of her, crossing driveways, alongside a busy road full of parked cars - she could not grab them both at the same time if she needed to, makes my blood run cold TBH
DS is 8 and I still regularly point out that he must walk right by my side as with all these taller cars he still could not be seen by a reversing driver. I have also taught all mine to look for cars that have someone in the driving seat/the engine running/reversing light on as this means they might be about to move off and they do not always look for pedestrians
DS is 17 and I still try to hold onto him near roads
YANBU. My rule for DS is 'hold my hand, or I will hold you'. He generally prefers to hold my hand than be gripped firmly by the upper arm .
Good point about the driveways, not sure who mentioned them. Where we live, every second or third house has a drive or paved front garden, and I find it really hard with my 4 year old. She's perfectly able to run or scoot ahead and stops well back from roads, but if she stopped at every driveway there'd be no point in taking the scooter.
We always say "car park rules apply" and have done dice ds was able to walk. He's 10 now and still I insist he holds my hand or walks next to me on a car park. No compromise on that rule ever. He also used to believe that the car engine wouldn't start till everyone was buckled in (he knows this is not true now but never once tried to wriggle out of his carseat. Some rules just can't be broken.
My mindees and DC are a bit older than the tot in the OP but we have a hands on the car rule for car parks. When each child gets out of the car they put both hands on it as I take the next child out. Then its hold hands.
When out walking on paths I use red/green. They are allowed to go so far ahead and then I shout red,which means stop. When I catch up I say green. There's also no running allowed because of the very busy roads here. If someone breaks the rules they must walk with their hand on the pushchair. For crossing the road its all holding hands.
YANBU I still hold both kids hands in car parks/crossing roads, the oldest is 8.
Yanbu. My rule with ds near roads/in car parks is 'hold my hand or I will carry you like a baby'. He knows it is non-negotiable. Only downside is sometimes he decides he wants to be carried like a baby.
It is also the reason I always reverse into parking spaces and drive very slowly in car parks. I am shocked at the speed some parents drive intot the nursery/primary school car park near us. Absolutely shocked. Everyone has a responsibility to keep children safe
I shout "car park rules" at my DS (age 4) as well.
I am amazed at how many people I see wandering out of our local shop and straight across the road, while a tiny child dawdles behind them. They don't hold hands, they don't even seem to look at their child behind them on the road, and it is a busy one with a parking bay and a bad layout that means there are three corners right by the shop so it's hard to look to see if anything is coming.
Totally agree, it makes my blood boil to see this, and there's something arrogant somehow, rather than just naive, about the parents that do this. When my DC were small, I had friends hinting that I was too protective as it was so important for children to "learn about danger" - er, not by letting them run around near cars. They're not going to "learn" much if it ends up being the last thing they do. I just can't understand this mentality.
They all learn how to cross roads etc by the time they're 8 or 9 or so, which is before they usually need to be really independent (ie going to school on their own, going into town with friends etc)
YANBU. I still tell my nearly 15 yo to be careful when dropping her off in the car park for guides/clubs. She does the 'oh mum' face but I can't get out of the habit
YANBU. DH shouted at 2 boys over Easter in an underground carpark. They were maybe about 7 or 8 and were running around it. There was hardly any room for 2 cars to pass but cars were still going too fast.
DH shouted at them to watch there was cars and the parents who were way in front and around a corner, called to them. When they got to the parents they started to shout at them so DH went to "have a word" with them too.
My dad grabbed my hand the last time we were out in town.
I am 45.
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