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to read anything into a wink

(32 Posts)
JollyJumpingJelly Thu 18-Apr-13 23:29:13

My ex came to see dd today. He acted like normal with me, chatted for about 20 minutes about general things then I went to tidy up the mountains of plates kitchen. But as he went he said I'll let myself out, see you next week, and winked. AIBU to read anything more than being friendly into it?

DeskPlanner Fri 19-Apr-13 19:32:50

Oh, god I read the title. as you were reading about wanking. blush

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 19:07:25

OP - if a man cheats it does not make it the fault of the woman shock He is a bad egg m'dear. You will find someone much nicer who will appreciate you and your DC. This man may be handy to have a wink with but don't put your eggs in his rotten basket any more. It might break.
Ultimately up to you and it is tempting to give the father of your child another go (been there myself) but sometimes it is NOT in the child's best interests. If this guy came back into your life and did it again and your child sees that, what message do you think they would learn? Not to respect you, that their dad rules the roost and men can do what they like.
I think if you look at the situation more you may well see other things that weren't great; it sounds as though your self esteem is very low for one thing?

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 19:01:42

substitute the "i" with an "a" and you would be nearer the mark

imour Fri 19-Apr-13 18:27:45

depends , was he a winker before smile, some blokes do it to everyone .

wigglesrock Fri 19-Apr-13 18:23:40

other than the cheating ......... there is no other than. You were pregnant, by your own admission very sick and your partner fucked around with another woman. I wouldn't be going any where near him.

JollyJumpingJelly Fri 19-Apr-13 18:01:18

Other than the cheating he was generally a good partner. I also had horrific hyperemesis, and so was very much a moody recluse for a few months before him cheating, which while it doesn't make it ok, I can understand why he was feeling stressed about all the changes.
But I don't want to risk saying something having completely misread him being friendly as something more..

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:18:42

Yes, but I am betting you didn't cheat on your pregnant partner. All men are different smile

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 17:14:49

For a start, CD, this bloke didn't do any domestic chores when he came round to see his child (and take the Piss out of his ex)

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 17:12:21

I guess I'm an idealist... and being a dad is quite central to my life.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:11:36

Do you think they didn't have rules before CD? Just wondering why you think it would be different for him now?

everlong Fri 19-Apr-13 17:08:39

I love a wink from almost anyone saddo

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 17:07:39

See, I said that I'd would happen...

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:06:09

And I for one DO think he is a scumbag. Of the lowest order. For reasons above.

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 17:05:30

CD, what on earth are you talking about ? grin

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:05:11

Hmmm,I assume he didn't accidentally fall over and insert his penis into another woman while his partner was pregnant? I honestly don't think men who can do that hold much store by 'playing by the rules' and being told they aren't kids any more.

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 16:55:35

Hmmm, at the risk of being torn apart... here's my take.

You're probably right to read something into the wink. Everything that happened in that exchange was perfectly normal, happy, family type stuff (resembling in many ways the interactions my wife and I have). Up until the point where he walks out... he'd probably really enjoyed his visit with his kid and you and felt he was doing something meaningful by helping out and washing the pots (you're hardly describing a scumbag here.
He may well find you extremely attractive (you are, after all, the mother of his child) and be inwardly feeling a complete prat for ever letting you go.

You have got a child, who you don't want to mess up, and a lot of other things going on in life. The wrong thing to do is to let anything happen on an assumed basis (EITHER "accidentally" sleeping with him OR driving him away out of fear).

One time when he visits... preferably whilst he is doing something like cleaning the toilet/washing the pots (cleaning the toilet is better for this... men will then keep their hands to themselves so you can finish saying what you want to say without ahem distractions, and are also unlikely to run down the street in marigolds if it goes the other way)... have a serious chat about possibilities WITH RULES. So "I'd like to see more of you, but that means XXX", "If you don't do XXX you're out". Finish with a line like "we're not kids any more, we'd have a responsibility to do this right." Then put him on probation for a couple of months (no sex, but quality time together). Honestly (speaking as a guy), you'd be making an offer he couldn't refuse... he'll either say "we're best as we are" or "I'd like that" and either way you'd know.

Be an APE... Assess, Plan, React!

OkayHazel Fri 19-Apr-13 07:01:52

He's an ex for a reason OP. Remember all his horrible bits! Write them down, have some wine and laugh about how good life is without him. Then perve on someone much more beautiful. Like the builder outside my office window ;)

Apileofballyhoo Fri 19-Apr-13 00:28:18

Don't go there OP! Sorry!

You could easily go back there and it would be great for, oooooh, about two weeks, and then you will remember what a tosser he is as a partner and have to go through the splitting up process again and you might not make it through on good terms again this time.

Don't be swayed by a cheeky wink wink grin

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 00:04:19

And he is always there because you have a child together. If you didn't and he had just cheated on you, you wouldn't have the contact and you would probably have moved on.
Sorry Jolly , loneliness can be a horrible time. I am a single mum too if you ever want to chat/pm. Isn't MN a godsend for long evenings!

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 00:02:21

NO! DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
Sorry, any man who does that is not worth it. Even worse that you were pregnant. It may seem like an easy option at the moment, but you will thank yourself for steering clear of this guy further down the road. Promise.

JollyJumpingJelly Fri 19-Apr-13 00:00:31

I think I want what we used to have back, which realistically wouldn't happen.
I think I'm a bit lonely too, and he's always the one there still.
He cheated on me during the pregnancy , so that would always be lurking in my mind, but it does feel like we've got so much more relaxed and happy with each other than even in the end of the relationship the past few months. I think I'm just clutching at straws really.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Thu 18-Apr-13 23:57:24

An old man winked at me today and I did a double take. He was checking me out as he walked off confused . However, I assume you know your ex's facial tics and if this isn't normal, is it possible he was nervous?

If you hope he has feelings for you again then you will read something into everything he does, I've been there and done that many times , are you hoping to get back together with him?

JollyJumpingJelly Thu 18-Apr-13 23:49:06

Aunt that is probably more likely...!

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