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to be scared of getting married because I'm fat?

(105 Posts)
hairtearing Thu 18-Apr-13 21:40:29

I am losing some weight, trying to at least but I will always be on the bigger side my body doesn't lend itself to smallness, 5'8+ size 10 feet broad shoulder etc.
But I am dreading getting married as I am convinced everyone will be sneering and making comments about me and my dress or comparing me to my bridesmaids (much prettier) or my SIL (again much prettier) , I'm dreading the photos (even if I was skinny I look like a bulldog chewing a wasp).
I went shopping with DM the other month and spent the entire fitting talking about how good she would have looked in those dresses, and saying 'well you're on about loosing more weight aren't you?' I felt like I didn't want to get married coz well if my own mother can't make me feel okay and pretty on my wedding day I'm screwed.
I feel sick with worry and the whole idea makes me sick , dreading what should be the happiest day of my life and its got worse the closer I get.
I know this is a rant but I feel like I am going to erupt or runaway I need to spill somewhere. please diplomatic I'm on the verge of tears atm.
Do I need a shake, AIBU to dread my wedding day and think everyone will be sneering at me?

hairtearing Sun 21-Apr-13 22:34:00

If she brings up dresses etc I think I will mention it it may sow a seed, the seamstress was nice but kept mentioning it was a 'bigger dress' 'you need some underwear to do the job'
and a pattern she picked up in my measurements were waaay bigger than my normal dress size and announced it loudly pfft.

hairtearing Sun 21-Apr-13 22:31:46

Lisanthus- that is awful, I hope you slapped them did they say it to your face? truth be told I can guarantee someone will say that to me.

Ex ratty, I hope I don't look too daft I'm having soft curls no tiara! and I'm doing my own make up so fingers crossed,

Aw that shopper was nice.

lisianthus Sun 21-Apr-13 04:19:44

Please tell your mother how she made you feel. she should feel awful she made you feel that way; it wasn't very nice and she should think twice about doing it again. You are going to be a beautiful bride and your fiance's jaw will drop when he sees you at the altar because he thinks you are gorgeous.

Broad shoulders are GREAT- they mean you are an hourglass and can work the whole va-va-voom thing, and not an apple, which is harder to dress.

And on the bridesmaid thing, my gorgeous sister was my bridesmaid. She was stunning. However, only one person said to me that she "showed me up" and it was such a wankerish thing to say that it was easy to write him off as an idiot from then on. It's such a rude thing to say that it is easier for it to be "water off a duck's back" IYSWIM?

Have a wonderful day!

ExRatty Sun 21-Apr-13 02:32:18

I love weddings but I never attend them for fashion. Normally they are fashion free zones with shrugs and satin galore
Anyone even vaguely fashionable looks out of place and is whispered about as "odd"

I've always gone to weddings to wish the couple well and have fun. The food is 90% gopping. The wine is almost always warm or of the cooking variety.
For all future reference Mothers are insane. Mad a snakes around weddings and during wedding planning.

So what if you are fat and tall.
Or short and skinny
So what! My best bet is that you are what you are now and you'd be better embracing that than hating yourself or feeling self conscious
Wear what you like and what you think looks nice and is comfortable

To be brutally honest lots of brides look beyond daft on their wedding day(s) It has nothing to do with height or girth. We all just go a bit dolally. Very crazily stylish people I know would have looked better in onsies than the dresses they wore. My problem was my hair and make up, whilst lovely in the comedically expensive photographs, made me look like it was covering a beard on the day.
I was married twice and looked a fright on BOTH occasions. I wish I had had the confidence to just be me.

Focus on having the most cheesy wedding disco of all time that's the good stuff to remember

everythingishoney Sun 21-Apr-13 01:48:51

I've been to 2 weddings recently with larger ladies. Both looked absolutely stunning. Pick a beautiful dress, have an amazing hairstyle and wear beautiful jewellery and makeup and you will look fantastic, believe me. One of the weddings I went to the bride had her beautiful long hair in a top bun, all plaited around the bun. She was gorgeous.

I had negative comments about my dress from my parents. They said it wasn't what a wedding dress was supposed to look like. It was a 2-piece, duchess cream satin, long sleeved dress from Ritva Westenius. It was stunning!!!! I remember sitting in the changing room crying because they totally spoilt it for me and a really nice lady popped her head round and said, honestly love, you look fantastic in that dress. It was made for you.
Sniff!

hairtearing Sun 21-Apr-13 00:09:50

Sorry double post, no nowhere near london although I do need undies.
I was wondering about more cover but often they are 'fat girl' dresses and are very unflattering.

hairtearing Sun 21-Apr-13 00:08:20

Hi all my dress has arrived, it is halterneck I think it looks nice, it encases the boobs so to speak.

Hopefully I'll look okay, I think weddings are very focused on size and I think anyone bigger will be made to feel uncomfortable, the woman doing my measurements was a bit on blast though hmm I'd have thought it wasn't the most discreet way to behave,
I took some mates with me, although I still get waves of nausea wondering what people really think of me, can't win sad

DublinMammy Fri 19-Apr-13 18:43:33

Gosh your mum sounds mean and tactless, she sounds like my mum, never a nice word for how I look, even on my wedding day, always in ecstasies about how my younger,, size 10 sister looks, also on my wedding day! I was size 18/20 on my wedding day and was so so happy. I had my dress made. I'm not sure about a halter neck, I think they are for people with bony shoulders, I reckon a little more cover, a plunging neckline as well might work. If you can get to London and can afford it, go to Rigby & Peller for a corset. They are AMAZING and so, so lovely to you, I think they get the best out of everyone's shape. Good luck and try not to let your mum upset you.

hairtearing Fri 19-Apr-13 18:31:18

Its tough with bridal dresses you can often be a bigger size than in normal clothes which does nothing for your SE pfft,

I suppose there is a lot of critical mothers, it hurts to think to yourself your mum would do that though. iyswim?

I hope so I'm quite good at make up so I am doing it myself, just googling some underwear

My SIL is a larger size - probably 24/26 (not entirely sure). She looked absolutely fabulous on her wedding day. It was about 20 years ago, so the pictures look dated now, but one thing that shines out of them is how amazingly happy she looked.

I do know this sounds very cheesy, but it is the happiness/ confidence that makes you look beautiful. Just hold your head high and tell yourself how beautiful you are. You mustn't call yourself ugly! I bet you're not.

And as for "if my own mother can't make me feel okay and pretty on my wedding day I'm screwed" - that ain't true. Mothers can be the most critical and unsupportive of all people! Just ignore her. Your friends will all think you look beautiful - because you WILL!

hairtearing Fri 19-Apr-13 18:13:13

early october I'm getting married,

So halterneck a thumbs up ?

I'm going next week with a mate

Vijac Fri 19-Apr-13 15:17:41

I have broad shoulders and love halter necks to show them off. Who wants skinny rounded shoulders anyway! You will look beautiful On your wedding day and people will not be judging anyway. Remember that people know it's you getting married, they will not expect you to turn into Cameron Diaz. It is just important that you feel great and look YOUR best. Have a wonderful time. grin

I agree with Didactylos about getting a properly fitted bra, it will make so much difference to what you can wear and how you look.

Somewhere on MN are the bra intervention threads. StatisticallyChallenged and her friends are the experts on this smile they may be able to advise you, and the threads in any case have a sizing and fitting guide.

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 14:11:46

When are where are you getting married?

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 14:10:48

Oh, and if you want your dad to give you away, get him to walk behind the two of you, putting some distance between you and the (in your head) prettier bridesmaids.

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 14:00:49

I know it's unconventional but why don't you enter the church WITH you're DP? Walk down the aisle together, after all you'll be there to support each other for the rest of your life's and you need a bit of his support then. He'll be bowled by how you look.

Oh and forget about losing weight for the moment, if you want to lose weight do it for yourself after the wedding, not just for the wedding day to please the crowds.

persimmon Fri 19-Apr-13 13:47:23

If it helps, I had a petite friend who got married in a normal summer frock and entered the church by the side door to avoid walking up the aisle as she was so worried about being stared at! Your husband-to-be loves you and will think that you look beautiful. It actually doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but I bet you'll love gorgeous if you find the right dress. Does it even have to be a 'traditional wedding dress'?

musicposy Fri 19-Apr-13 13:42:29

Well done on getting it in perspective a bit.

My DBro and SIL got married last year. SIL is quite big and she had my two girls as bridesmaids. DD1 was 16, skinny as a rake and youthfully pretty in the way lots of girls are at 16. SIL also had her stepsister who was thin and pretty.

On the day, SIL was in no way overshadowed by the bridesmaids. No one was really even looking at the bridesmaids; everyone was admiring her. She looked radiant and lovely and so happy. That's what everyone notices. She looks absolutely beautiful in the photos and size isn't an issue at all. All the guests were saying how lovely she looked and truly meant it - she did. It was only people who were trying to be nice to me who mentioned my girls, as an afterthought!

You have nothing to worry about. Go to the fittings with supportive friends. Your DH will only have eyes for you and your happiness will shine through which will make you look lovely. Enjoy it!

Didactylos Fri 19-Apr-13 12:56:03

Hairtearing I totally sympathise

Im a short and busty 14-16 who was dreading the whole wedding dress thing since long white dresses made me look like a giant (very busty) slug. With fat arms and back cleavage and eczema and old scars and new pimples....

But - I just got married the other day and felt cheery, confident and wonderful - and in the pictures I am just me, still busty, still overweight but in a pretty fitted dress and grinning from ear to ear, and looking so happy and relaxedits infuriating

Advice - sorry but ditch your mum or tell her how you felt at the appointment and see if she can take it on board and be more supportive
I know its meant to be mother daughter bonding and rite of passage etc but if she cant be the supportive person you need for dress fitting and undermines you then its not good for either of you. Theres plenty of other wedding areas you can arrange her help in so not to exclude her

Go for an underwear fitting first eg bravissimo etc and get yourself an oomphy well fitted bridal bra so youre neat and confident for trying on lots of styles then make an appointment at a salon and explain your issue, ask to try sillouettes and ask the fitter what dress they would put you in? I found some really good suggestions (not just strapless a lines) when I did this. There are some amazing dresses with structure and corsetry that gives the shape you want. If you can afford it get the dress made for you. Dont worry about the number or size on it, as long as it fits you

Think different - colour, lace, short styles, halterneck might be good,
Id definitely try halterneck, sweetheart neckline, others have said 1950s which can really flatter curves. I ended up in a tea length 1950s dress, strapless with a cummerbund waist and full lace skirt, and black petticoats and accessories. With a short shrug that had been made for me but looked as though it was part of the dress. Not what I had in mind or set out to look for but it was definately my dress and Mr Didactylos had a tear in his eye when I walked down the aisle and told me I looked wonderful.

Lots of support here - you will look wonderful on the day, honest

MadBusLady Fri 19-Apr-13 12:42:41

What Fry said. Your mum's NOT trying to be helpful "in her odd way". Not at all. Sounds like your function to her is to make her feel better about herself, and sod what you feel in the process. I'd stop talking to her about the wedding arrangements altogether if I were you, and sort it all out with your fiance and supportive mates. It's not bridezilla to want your wedding day to be somewhat about you. confused

DorcasDelIcatessen Fri 19-Apr-13 12:39:14

At least you won't look like a genie on your wedding day. Don't wear a custom made gold trouser suit when your 8&half months pg. you look ridiculous.

DontmindifIdo Fri 19-Apr-13 12:33:12

oooh, yes, a 50s style dress would be very nice! That would be also different enough that you won't be drawing comparasions to other brides in your family if you feel self concious about that.

Googlella Fri 19-Apr-13 12:04:15

I love the off the shoulder one you had a link to. Personally I think that would be more flattering but you could try other styles and see what you think!

I weighed 18 stone and was a size 26 when I got married. I had a corset bodice with a chiffon scarf tied in the back to cover my upper arms.

The scarf thing got abandoned quite quickly on the day and I love all the photos - because I am happy. It was a great day and everyone was joyful.

Just be yourself and enjoy it.

Pollykitten Fri 19-Apr-13 11:38:48

Lacy sleeves and a shorter, very full skirt, kind of 50s style might be nice?

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