Husband and a colleague

(322 Posts)
appleNblackberry Wed 17-Apr-13 20:52:57

For not wanting my husband to go out for a drink and a meal with a fellow female colleague in the evening while I look after the kids? He is now saying I could do the same but I am currently a SAHM. I am normally not the jealous type but this new friendship has just got to me.
I do trust him and know its just a friendship but what I have been struggling with is just that - even though I trust him I know that sometimes friendships become something else even if intentions start good as hes a bit naive in nature. Also where to you draw a line - I would call that a date really and in the past feel a bit naughty if I excepted and invite thats the same when in a relationship and would not have done it?

TheSecondComing Wed 17-Apr-13 20:54:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimstar Wed 17-Apr-13 20:56:00

No, I wouldn't like this either. Female friends that were already established before the relationship, that doesn't bother me too much, but no this I wouldn't like. I'm not too keen when DH is out with a group that includes female colleagues, even though I obviously don't say anything.

appleNblackberry Wed 17-Apr-13 20:57:44

Hes a social person I suppose and says he does not see the difference between male and female. The weird thing is I do trust him but its the whole emotional affair thing.

BriansBrain Wed 17-Apr-13 20:58:03

Why do they need to go out in the evening, what can't they discuss during the day?

IsThatTrue Wed 17-Apr-13 21:00:09

I think YABU. Men are perfectly capable of having platonic relationships with the opposite sex (as are women). If you trust your husband as you say, then the only thing you could have issue with is him going out while you're stuck at home. In which case talk to him and arrange a time for you to go out while he has the dcs.

If your issue is the fact he's out having dinner with a woman then you do not trust him as you say you do.

Thing33 Wed 17-Apr-13 21:00:17

He's taking another woman out for dinner and drinks? No I would not be happy with that. DH would never even consider this ok to do. I can't understand why this woman thinks it would be ok to do, is she married?

appleNblackberry Wed 17-Apr-13 21:00:49

I wish I new!

seriouscakeeater Wed 17-Apr-13 21:01:28

No, I would like this. YANBU. When are they going? In fact I would tell my DH not to take the fucking piss. Is the colleague a boss? What would they be discussing? work or just socialising?

KLou111 Wed 17-Apr-13 21:01:47

Would he have dinner with a male colleague?
Not sure I would be happy with this tbh and I totally trust my dh 100%

Gossipmonster Wed 17-Apr-13 21:02:16

I can totally see where you are at and wouldn't like it either.

BUT I been the "colleague" with a married guy who I did not fancy at all (nor he me) we were just really really good friends.

His wife HATED it and was very jealous and possessive about it (we used to go for lunch sometimes).

It made me quite sad as when he left it was very difficult to stay in touch (we still are 6 yrs on).

Corygal Wed 17-Apr-13 21:03:09

I wouldn't fancy it and I am not the jealous type. The road to trouble is paved with good intentions and all that.

Next time he books it, fix a babysitter and go too.

IsThatTrue Wed 17-Apr-13 21:03:19

Ok looking at everyone elses response maybe IABU and not you op. I don't see the problem with it.

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 17-Apr-13 21:03:23

If the tables were turned and u met a dad for coffee and play dates would he say "it's fine ur friends?"

If the answers yes, truly yes, ill eat my lovely Treacy hat.

MaeMobley Wed 17-Apr-13 21:03:29

DH does this too. I am not 100% happy but feel like an untrusting idiot to say so.

He has never given me any cause for concern but I do feel uneasy.

ClartyCarol Wed 17-Apr-13 21:04:42

Does she have a partner? My gut feeling is I wouldn't be happy about it, you're right - it does feel like a date. Why can't he invite her for dinner at your home if he's determined to be sociable with her, then you can get to know her too and you're not left at home feeling resentful.

MaeMobley Wed 17-Apr-13 21:05:31

I am friends with the female colleagues on FB and have met them in real life.

EverybodysSootyEyed Wed 17-Apr-13 21:06:25

i wouldn't be happy - be the colleague male or female! what's wrong with lunchtime!

i hate how my dh arranges things in the evening because it's just assumed i will be home with the kids. and he does the whole 'well you could too' but when I organise something it is always a rigmarole finding a date he isn't working/travelling/already out and then he gets shitty and tells me to arrange the babysitter but that's not the point!

if he then used his evenings to socialise with people he is with all day and i am stuck on my own i would be really annoyed. in this situation i would be tempted to say 'tell you what, let's arrange the babysitter and you can take me out instead'

MunchMunch Wed 17-Apr-13 21:07:00

Are they going out while they talk shop?

If not, yanbu. I know people say if it was a man he was with you wouldn't bat an eyelid but sometimes I think it has a grass being greener onthe other side type of effect even if it doesn't start that way. No interuptions from kids, no having to listen how different/awful/stressful your day was instead being able to talk about the job or having a laugh at a relaxed pace.

Its also unfair on you, regardless of friends gender, as you've been home and would probably like to have time with your dh

NonnoMum Wed 17-Apr-13 21:07:06

Totally unacceptable.

He needs to man up and get home and give you a break rather than discussing the wine list with a colleague...

MrsWolowitz Wed 17-Apr-13 21:07:47

I wouldn't like this.

A very good friend of mine is male and we go out for meals and srinks etc but we have been friends since we were 14 and DH knows him and they are friends too. Also friend lives away so when he comes here to visit we like to see each other a lot. DH is very happy with this.

However I doubt DH would be happy if I suddenly wanted to start having dinner and drinks with a new guy from work.

I'd not be happy either if it were him. YANBU.

ClartyCarol Wed 17-Apr-13 21:08:03

WishIWasAnHeiress is right - if you met a SAHD at a playgroup and hit it off with him, then you announced to your DH that the pair of you were going out for dinner one night, would he be ok with it?

My arse he would.

Khaleese Wed 17-Apr-13 21:08:41

No way! she would be welcome to meet us both but that's the line.

I have male friends but they are from long before "us"

Hemlet Wed 17-Apr-13 21:08:46

No I would not be happy for my husband to go out for an evening meal with a female Co worker he'd just become friends with. It's an inappropriate thing to do and also unnecessary. With a group, fine. Why go for a cosy dinner for 2? I wouldn't give a shit if that made me unreasonable.

LightTheLampNotTheRat Wed 17-Apr-13 21:08:49

Really, truly? It's not okay to go out for drinks with a friend/colleague of the opposite sex? Both DH and I have numerous friends we've met through work who we see socially, without the other. In fact DH is seeing one of them tomorrow night - hadn't occurred to me to worry! Maybe I should...

Seriously, this wouldn't be an issue if you trusted him, would it? It's nice to go out, to chat to other people. Doesn't mean an affair is on the cards. Don't you have male friends you see sometimes?

Or am I being hopelessly naïve?

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