to think this is rude? Wedding invite/Gift related.

(111 Posts)
DearJohnLoveSavannah Mon 15-Apr-13 16:05:42

I've been invited to a wedding in June, I used to be quite close to the bride (lived together for 2 years) however due to her moving away, busy lives etc we only get to chat now and again - mostly over email.

I got an invite to her wedding as an evening guest - which from the above of us not being as close anymore is totally fine. All day guests should be for family and close friends.

The part that annoys me is that included in my invitation was a gift list. I've had a look and the cheapest thing I could see was £60.

Is it cheeky to expect or hope that people who have only been invited to the evening reception to buy you something an all day guest would?

clarasebal Wed 18-Sep-13 19:33:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Kytti Fri 19-Apr-13 02:39:41

You see, I had a gift list, but it had tons of cheaper stuff from £10.00 on it, and a voucher option. Ten years later and I still have 90% of it. (The rest having been smashed by small children. Tsk!)

I quite like them, but think they shouldn't ask for cash or really expensive things. £60.00 is taking the piss. Asking for cash is crass.

I still think you should go with a towel. grin Or a voucher for the shop for £20.00 or something.

Floggingmolly Thu 18-Apr-13 21:10:39

Actually, we got a set of "his and her" (our names) hand towels, which naff as they sound, I really loved. Used them till they wore out smile

Allthingspretty Thu 18-Apr-13 20:42:24

If you wanted you cpuld always personalise the tea towels grin

Floggingmolly Thu 18-Apr-13 20:36:18

Probably handier than an over priced piece of crap from Harrods.

Allthingspretty Thu 18-Apr-13 20:15:52

Buy some tea towels and toothbrushes from the pound shops. Always handy

<not helpful>

Moominsarehippos Thu 18-Apr-13 19:51:05

I suspect this pair did. They were definitely the type. The wedding was a nightmare of onemanupship and dress/jewels comparisons.

Really? shock

When I use things, I think "awwh, N gave us this casserole dish" or "Uncle J gave us this mirror". I didn't compare my list of thank-yous to write against the guest list hmm

Moominsarehippos Thu 18-Apr-13 19:28:06

Don't get me wrong - lists are great and very useful but sometimes they can be compiled and presented in an extremely grabby way.

Moominsarehippos Thu 18-Apr-13 19:27:28

We once got a wedding list from Harrods and it was made clear that this was what they expected (well they could expect all they wanted as far I was concerned). The cheapest thing on the list was over £100 and we were all in our mid twenties.

They were up their own derrières though, with an extremely lavish wedding, well over a thousand guests and the wedding was over within two years.

ZenNudist Thu 18-Apr-13 18:45:32

I included gift list with evening invites. But I didn't expect anything per se. At the time I didn't mumsnet so I had no idea it was 'cheeky' I just thought it standard and never thought anything of other people for doing it.

There's no obligation to get a gift for an evening do. Personally if I like someone I want to buy them a wedding gift. It will be remembered for years afterwards.

Mind you I do still remember certain people who didn't get us anything!!!!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 18-Apr-13 18:38:42

i love lists as means the couple are getting something they want rather then 10 toasters

saying that £60 is a huge amount

as others have said maybe cheaper stuff went first

get vouchers for the store they have chosen or as you said euros for honeymoon, tho depends where they are going, may not use euros

Moominsarehippos Thu 18-Apr-13 17:54:14

You can bet that all the £60 items have long gone and you're left with the £150 avocado bowls of grapefruit spoons.

LippiPongstocking Thu 18-Apr-13 17:50:57

Wishwehadgoneabroad "By only getting married...I mean..it's not like you're tired, in pain or otherwise have distractions!"

How on earth could you possibly know that? Are you psychic? Do all brides do fuck all after getting married? Is it the fifties? Do no brides have jobs? Do no brides get married when they're ill? Do no brides have babies of their own?

Well done you for giving birth and saying thank you so quickly. Hopefully one day people will realise your suffering and give you the biscuit you so richly deserve

Wishwehadgoneabroad Thu 18-Apr-13 17:46:41

Good manners shouldn't go out of fashion imo. Just saying! grin

I think you should just buy what you can afford or how much you want to spend, regardless of whether you're invited to the whole event or just the day.

We once bought a very sweet couple a nespresso machine for their wedding. They threw it on the list thinking never in a million years would anyone buy it. At the time we could afford it, and thought that it would bring them much happiness as they don't have much. And it does! We'd even put off buying one ourselves due to cost!!

In the first few weeks after your wedding you are supposed to be too busy on honeymoon and then having continuous glorious triumphant earth-shattering mind-blowing sex to have time for anything else.

The old rules come from when the DH went straight back to work and DW kept the house and had nothing better to do with her time than handwritten thank-you notes...

MumOfTheMoos Thu 18-Apr-13 17:34:44

The gift list is not unreasonable but the lack of lower value items is.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Thu 18-Apr-13 17:33:06

hmm

Well, we're not in the dark ages now! Photo cards can be made super quickly. My photography knows we will be using one for the thank you cards, and is getting us that one print within the week so that cards can be sent by 3 weeks after the wedding at the latest.

By only getting married...I mean..it's not like you're tired, in pain or otherwise have distractions! All the hard work was up to the wedding now. You really have no reason not to get thank you cards out imo.

To think you can just take all the time in the world, but still find time to cash people's cheques is rude. (that's the bit that always amuses me..people find it quite easy to get to the bank to cash £50 but can't get a simple thank you card out!)

sukysue Wed 17-Apr-13 20:57:32

You got a poxy evening invite (that all and sundry go to) with a few bits of Iceland food for an apology of a buffet fter (usually)and they want a pressie for 60 quid...... they are taking the piss! I personally wouldn't go.

thermalsinapril Wed 17-Apr-13 19:50:20

> If any of my guests consider me lazy for not getting custom cards out to them within eight weeks of "only" getting married, then fuck 'em, frankly.

Hear, hear.

Also, guests shouldn't be surprised if they don't receive a thank you, if they haven't attached the gift label properly so it falls off, and the couple then have no idea who it's from!

DeskPlanner Wed 17-Apr-13 18:46:32

Dragon, give £20. Doesn't really matter what she gave you, but if her wedding is costing you loads, £20 is more than enough.

expatinscotland Wed 17-Apr-13 18:29:12

I've had generic texts and emails as thank you's.

And also had nothing at all.

We recently received a thank you before the wedding for our gift of vouchers - the list was so long that I wanted to let the B&G choose what from their incredibly long list they actually wanted as they would otherwise only get part sets of everything they wanted (20 place setting dinner service anyone?).

I thought it was a bit odd to write a thank you in advance. I thought the point of thank yous was also to thank people for attending and reminisce about the day and overwhelm the B&G in their first weeks of married life and start as you mean to go on with the bride nagging the groom to do his ones. So please could I have the MN collective judgement on this.

GobShizz Wed 17-Apr-13 15:47:25

You're welcome Mirai! Congratulations on "only" getting married!

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