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to think this is rude? Wedding invite/Gift related.

(111 Posts)
DearJohnLoveSavannah Mon 15-Apr-13 16:05:42

I've been invited to a wedding in June, I used to be quite close to the bride (lived together for 2 years) however due to her moving away, busy lives etc we only get to chat now and again - mostly over email.

I got an invite to her wedding as an evening guest - which from the above of us not being as close anymore is totally fine. All day guests should be for family and close friends.

The part that annoys me is that included in my invitation was a gift list. I've had a look and the cheapest thing I could see was £60.

Is it cheeky to expect or hope that people who have only been invited to the evening reception to buy you something an all day guest would?

Did you get to the list the day it opened? I ask because a small number of our guests bought all the smaller gfts on our list as a job lot, so only moe expensive things were left very quickly. Though our very expensive was £25 items, not £60.

Pixieonthemoor Mon 15-Apr-13 18:16:30

I think I am massively in the minority but I LOVE gift lists!! I would never dream of stepping over the threshold without a present and, if I am going to spend £X, I am very pleased to know that I am choosing something that the B&G need/want and not wasting time and money picking something that either they already have, don't want or don't like.

Having said that, when we compiled our gift list, the person helping us advised that we should have a massive variety of prices. The smallest amount was £2.50 which was for ramekin dishes in case a young cousin, bridesmaid etc wanted to buy a small gift! £60 is quite rude or grabby and I say that as someone who likes lists!!

CloudsAndTrees Mon 15-Apr-13 18:18:26

I don't mind gift lists, even for evening guests. You'd still take a oft as an evening guest, so I can't see the problem with being given a gift list.

The problem is with the list itself though if the cheapest thing on there is £60. There are plenty of useful household things that everyone could use hat cost significantly less than that.

Kundry Mon 15-Apr-13 20:01:19

I think gift lists are OK, even for evening guests. However the bride should have made an effort to have a range of prices on the list - I had things costing from £4 to £200 (I didn't actually expect anyone to buy the £200 item but though it was worth a try!)

MamaBear17 Mon 15-Apr-13 20:22:24

I got married a few years ago and, as we had lived together for 2 years, we didnt want to put a gift list in to our invites. However, when we mentioned this to people, they kept telling us that we had to either register for gifts or give them an idea as to what they could get us as they wanted to get us a present. In the end, we put a note in the daytime invites saying no gifts were expected, but if people wanted to get us a gift we would appreciate vouchers for Thompsons as we were planning a belated honeymoon. (No poem, just a note!). However, I didnt include a 'note' with the evening invites because I thought that would be rude as we wernt inviting them for the day. I also didnt put the note in to my elderly relatives invites because I didnt want them to buy a gift at all as I knew they didnt have much money. Some day guests bought us presents rather than vouchers - we got some gorgeous photo frames which we were thrilled with. Many of the evening RSVP's came back with 'we would love to come, where is your gift list?'. When we said we didnt have one we ended up with lots of vouchers for different shops which was a lovely, unexpected surprise. Having been through it, I really feel like it is such a minefield really. No one gets married just so that they can register for gifts though, so I really think you have to set your own boundaries and decide what you are prepared to spend regardless of the gift list or money request. If you dont agree with their request then ignore it. We tend to spend £40-£50 if we are invited to the whole day (and if there is no gift within budget we give vouchers) and between £10 - £20 if we are invited as an evening guest.

mumofweeboys Mon 15-Apr-13 20:56:22

Is there a chance the cheaper stuff has been brought? I had to add more lower price stuff to mine as all went within a couple of days. Most wedding list with shops have the option to buy gift vouchers.

raisah Mon 15-Apr-13 21:36:06

When I got married I was given lots of lovely bedding & towel sets which I am still using today. We did have a list at Debenhams & Argos (for dh gardening & DIY supplies!) People were under no pressure to buy & its the thought that counts. People are too materialistic & grabby nowadays whilst imposing the most shocking/invitation rules & bridezilla type behaviour.

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 15-Apr-13 21:46:20

I would give vouchers for the shop where they are holding the gift list, for them to put towards ones of the items.

Trillz Mon 15-Apr-13 21:48:37

YABU to immediately think of rudeness. If you like someone enough to go to their wedding, give them the benefit of the doubt.

A gift list is merely a suggestion. You are allowed to get something else.

Often you can also buy vouchers for the store the list belongs to.

As has already been said - there may have been cheaper stuff that has already been bought.

Lindyhopper29 Mon 15-Apr-13 21:50:48

I would give them gift vouchers of an amount you're happy with from the shop of their wedding list, if that makes sense

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Mon 15-Apr-13 22:02:08

I don't think it is rude at all.
you are under no obligation to follow the list,
I agree, buy a bottle of bubbly or something like it.

thermalsinapril Mon 15-Apr-13 22:59:34

YANBU. Ignore the list and choose something else.

Yanbu shock, wedding lists are all fine and dandy but to actually quote exact items with prices is beyond cheeky and somewhat grabby!!!
Buy her something of your choice, and something to suit your personal budget.

apostropheuse Mon 15-Apr-13 23:04:50

YANBU It's rude and tacky to ask for gifts at all.

It's good manners to graciously accept what, if anything, you're given.

GW297 Mon 15-Apr-13 23:11:16

I won't spend more than 20 quid as an evening guest.

spilledmilk Mon 15-Apr-13 23:23:11

We're I am from it is rude to expect gifts at wedding. It is also rude to not bring gift worth less than 10 present of months wage.

expatinscotland Mon 15-Apr-13 23:26:14

Decline! That is cheeky.

sashh Tue 16-Apr-13 03:36:01

I went to a wedding a few years back and was actually given a gift by the groom in the middle of his speech.

That's my kind of wedding

Gooseysgirl Tue 16-Apr-13 03:44:41

We give £20 for evening gift, either cash or voucher for shop where gift list is. We had a gift list for our wedding but we didn't send it with our invites. We told guests about it if they asked.

nextphase Tue 16-Apr-13 03:57:15

Is there anyone else from the house share who you could club together with to get to £60? Or go off the list!
We wouldn't spend that on most people.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 16-Apr-13 04:19:06

I have no problem with gift lists at all - they make a great deal of sense, because as we all well know, no-one pitches up to weddings without a gift for the B&G - it's part of the joy of the day, giving a present.

But including gift lists in with the invitation - day or evening - is akin to asking for a present, and that is Bad Form in my book; you just simply do not do it.

If people want to get you a gift - and the majority will, so no fear of missing out - they will ask, and this is when you produce the gift list.

We didn't have a list and stipulated no gifts in the small print, but in hindsight this was a mistake, as people genuinely want to bring a gift, and do tend to prefer to be given some sort of idea. In the end, most people gave us a cash and/or pitched in to a big group to give us vouchers for a local gallery. And potentially spent more than they might have liked to, which was the exact opposite of my intention by having no list. blush

But so much is my abhorrence at the idea of asking for presents, that this was the route we I went down. :-/

Anyway... YANBU.

Kytti Tue 16-Apr-13 05:35:09

Buy them a towel. That's my wedding gift staple. grin

LouiseD29 Tue 16-Apr-13 08:03:25

YABU - planning a wedding is a minefield and everyone is different. Don't waste your energy taking offence - just do what you want to do and get them, or not, as much or little as you feel is appropriate. They would BU to mind.

bishboschone Tue 16-Apr-13 08:05:44

Usually on shop wedding lists there is an option to buy vouchers for that shop. I agree though its rude, I didn't have a wedding list or ask for money . I hate them.

Gooseysgirl Tue 16-Apr-13 11:21:53

Towels are fab gifts Kytti grin You can never have too many of them (although my DH says I'm worse than Monica from friends with all my 'varieties')

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