To ask if you pay money for good school reports?(136 Posts)
Because three other parents have all expressed shock and that IABU that I do not, the children are in primary school, I have never even thought about it to be honest, I just told and expected the dc to try their hardest and praised them when they have.
Its never crossed my mind to pay them for it!
It is a given that school reports will be good ie high effort, no issues with behaviour etc
However, there have been celebrations following certain successes, but these were never negotiated beforehand. They were never part of the incentive.
TBH I'd consider myself a bit of a failure if I had to pay my DC to essentially do their best and not be a PITA to their teachers .
Nooks - that's the point were at unfortunately, He's very laid back and definitely doesn't see the bigger picture. Were at literal last resort, you get these and stick to a daily revision timetable we've all agreed and when you get your grades well pay on what you get. Were all terrified he's going to get rubbish grades and close so many doors.
Word / I can see your point, he's not a pita though, teachers cite him as helpful, polite etc, just uninterested in lessons and does bare minimum school wise, we've tried everything over the years, praise for tiny improvements, tellings off,, confiscations, groundings, smaller scale rewards. We just need something that is significant enough to work for.
Yes £5 primary £10 for secondary hard work pays cash in the adult world so why not?
But ratbag where will you go with this approach?
How far will you take it? A levels? University? First job?
And when will DC learn that certain basic levels of effort are simply expected in life? And that sadly, no, hard work is not always valued (financially or otherwise) in adult life. Constant rewards are not a given...
Would be almost impossible to do fairly in my case. I have a dd who is very gifted but who also has the kind of manner that convinces teachers that she is working her fingers to the bone even when I know for a fact that she is hardly doing anything. (Have just spent some time trying to convince CAHMS that however serious her other problems she is not in danger of dropping dead from overwork). So her marks for both achievement and attitude will always be higher than ds', who is less gifted and never manages to give that earnest impression.
I was the same as dd: my teachers were convinced that I was a good little girl who worked as hard as hard. In actual fact, I was a daydreamer with plenty of natural ability and a convincing cast of features. But if my parents had been paying for results or attitude, I would have got far more money than my brother who was of an earnest and hardworking disposition but less able and less convincing.
I am not paying good money for the kind of pseudo-attentiveness I remember so well from my own childhood, let alone for natural quickness of mind.
Also, dd has a tendency to freak out under stress: letting her know that there will be financial incentives is more likely to bring on a panic attack on her way into the exam room.
Nope! Again it's a given that you will do your best at school.
We have a treat for putting in lots of work sometimes- a family meal out or what ever. the big kids have had a short holiday abroad post GCSE with just me (at the end of exam leave a sort of building memories before they don't want to come away with their boring parent thing) which is all kids of fabulous for both of us, but we have thought about this and it's never been dependent of the results of the exams.
I'm with cory re adding to stressors in an unnecessary way. My youngest is already beating herself up that she might not be as " good " as her siblings (she will be !) and loosing a reward might really set her off.
it's particularly unfair to reward academic achievement that some kids might find just comes easily to them and another sibling may have to work like the blazes to get half as good grades. DD1 mate got money for GCSEs/ A levels and got great grades. Her brother is in a special school and might get a couple of D/E grades. I do hope they reward him just as well. It's a far far bigger achievement for him to get those grades than his sis to get As
Gcse s is it. He chooses afterwards what to do, but for now that's his incentive.
Only sibling to worry about is my four week old dd so there won't be any conflict there.
I thought this was a thread on bribing the school!
Nope. If he gets a particularly glowing report (maybe he's tried really hard at something he's had a problem with) then maybe a book or toy.
ratcat well you know your DS best...but it's not something I would ever do
Interestingly, I have had a number of conversations recently with parents about how far a parent will, or indeed should go to incentivise a young adult.
One mother told me that she'd do pretty much anyhting to save her DS from himself. She is (trying) to provide a host of motivations for him to do what, frankly, she should do himeslf.
wordfactory I agree with your last statement which I think should say " motivations to do what, frankly, HE should do himself"
I guess some kids get the point of working hard at school sooner, or later than others though. Mine are grafters and always have been. I'd like to think that's down to me, but to be honest my strategy has (at least since yr 7) been that they should regulate their work effort themselves (and take any consequences at school if they don't).
I don't think I would do this with younger children as it teaches them to work hard and make an effort for money rather than pleasure or desire to do well.
It also potentially punishes children who may be struggling with problems in the classroom like bullying, shyness or a lack of aptitude in a specific subject.
Theas - we all kicked ass at school, DSS doesn't seem to get it, his mum, dad, step mum and step dad all work in good skilled jobs, we have nice things and he knows we get it through hard work, doesn't go in. We tried this year letting him get on with it, he's had plenty of detentions for none completion of homework which then triggers a week long ps3 and phone van, still doesn't go in.
No because ds1 has SN so his report is never great so it would be unfair to pay dd but not him when he can't help it.
I don't even let them know what the other's says, I tell them privately how they did... It would totally demotivate ds1 if he knew about dds glowing reports when he tries just as hard, if not harder, and his are mediocre.
My dad used pay me for exam results in secondary and I'll probably do that too as ds1s work is excellent. Primary reports are 80% behaviour though which is why ds1 will never manage an excellent one.
I think that there is a difference between an unannounced treat because the DC have gained good rewards (spontaneous meal out, or something frivolous bought on a trip into town 'because your report made us all feel happy') and a planned and pre-discussed incentive, conditional on doing well ('if you get an A in your report next term i will give you....').
I think that the first is always fine, as long as it is not excessively large or so ritualised that it becomes 'expected'. However, I feel uncomfortable with the second - I appreciate that it is sometimes necessary in older children, where the long-term consequences of not doing well are very visible to an adult and so there may beed to be something tangible to focus a child in the face of short term pain for longer term gain. However I don't think it's necessary for primary, nor routinely at secondary, maybe just for a sepcific set of qualifications or to get over a specific issue or dip.
No rewards here - I think I have a similar approach to wordfactory: excellent results are celebrated, but no actual cash rewards or gifts, because that then comes to be expected.
There have been a lot of psychological studies showing that offering incentives for performance at school or university can actually be counterproductive, eg this one - The Risks of Rewards.
Neither DH nor I were rewarded for good grades and I certainly would never consider it at primary school. So YANBU but if others do then that's up to them but it's no-ones business what you do. I'd be tempted to go passive aggressive if someone criticizes you for not promising rewards and just say 'oh, we've never felt the need, the DC are doing well enough as it is'.
I had a friend whose father gave her and her brother a cash reward for failing exams after they complained that all their friends got cash for passing exams, he said if he did that it would bankrupt him!
I know someone who 'motivated' her DS through GCSE, then through A levels (despite being adamant the former was the 'last time'). He's now at uni doing decidedly averagely. Frankly, I'm not sure what has been gained.
Mine are expected to do as well as they can and congratulated when they do. They don't get any financial rewards directly, but occasionally I might surprise them with something as a general well done keep it up type thing. It's all a bit random tho.
Same here Hully. There might be treats and what have you, but nothing particular. One thing I like to do during exam season is, providing everyone is grafting, to call a moaratorium on all revision and go out for the day. It really lifts spirits and is related most obviously to effort.
GO OUT FOR THE DAY DURING EXAM SEASON?
Lol! I mean in the revision stage, not the exam stage. When the DC are working hard and a bit stir crazy I announce a day out. Thorpe park last year!
I was talking to someone the other day who said that she thought all books should be put down three days before the exam actual because if you didn't know it then you never would.
We dont. But there's lots of praise for doing well and personal triumphs. All I expect is that they do their best.
I'm not against a treat or surprise for doing well, but it would be just that; a surprise after the event as recognition, rather than an incentive in itself.
I also don't 'pay' dc for helping out at home or doing chores. They're part of the family and it's expected they help out. But again if someone has been exceptionally helpful we might recognise that with a little treat.
DS is in primary and we offer no monetary rewards. We have a couple of times gone to the pub for tea as he has 'tried hard and the teachers are pleased with him for that'.
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