19 year old male hit my 12 year old DS

(131 Posts)
ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 21:52:23

My Ds came in crying and had wet himself with fear. DS was going in for 'a friend' the brother came out and took DS into his house and pushed him against his wall and told him never to come back to his door again then chased him home.

I seen red and asked Ds to get in the car with me and show me where this person lived, we seen him walking home as we drove to his house and I parked the car, jumped out of the car, ran over to the 19 year old who was taller and stronger than me (and DS) and grabbed him back his arms face on and shook him asking 'do you like someone older bullying you' and continued to do this until he answered me.

I couldn't shake him much as he was bigger, taller than me and quite heavy so he didn't move much but he got a fright.

He ran off to his house to get his mother and I advised her I would be sending the police, I have ruined any chance though by shaking the 19 year old. The mother said nothing.

I know I shouldn't have gone after him but I over reacted. DS advised me after this the 19 year old has some mental health issues and carries knives etc...and often just punches his brother for no reason when Ds plays with him on X Box. (After I had been and shook him)

I know I shouldn't have shook him but I just wanted to scare him as he had scared my DS, I think, I also have MH issues with PTSD and with this comes anger. My anger sometimes spills over onto non normal levels.

Was I BU by shaking him and scaring him? I most likely was but needed to vent anyway.

Theicingontop Sat 13-Apr-13 21:54:54

You were, of course. But understandably so. I think if someone had scared my child to the point where they'd wet themselves I'd be furious too.

Annunziata Sat 13-Apr-13 21:55:47

There must be more to this story? confused Why would someone do that?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 13-Apr-13 21:56:04

Honestly it was probably a good thing in a way....he might now be too scared to touch your son again.

BonaDrag Sat 13-Apr-13 21:56:27

You were quite restrained as I would have gone round there with a claw hammer.

peggotty Sat 13-Apr-13 21:57:48

Yes, YWBU I'm sorry. And you did this in front of your DS? You should just have called the police instead of this.

Episode Sat 13-Apr-13 22:01:25

Second what another poster said, he will probably think long and hard before going near your ds again! He's 19 not 9! IMO ywnb(that)u!

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:01:41

His answer to why did you attack DS? Was

'I'm sick of them coming to the door' I don't understand this as DS is 'friends' with his brother and the brother was in my house last night.

What annoyed me more was finding out (after I shook him) that he had dragged my DS (picked out of 4 DC) into his house when the mother was there and pinned him against a wall.

My DS is 6ft tall but has only ever had one fight and is not at all the fighting type, he is a joker and annoying, maybe DS has said something over X Box to annoy the brother.

I did tell him never to touch DS again. I was shaking with anger, having a vodka to calm down a bit.

My Dad was going up next. Waiting on DS coming onto Facebook as he staying with my parents, I don't like to phone their house too late.

apostropheuse Sat 13-Apr-13 22:02:27

What a bizarre situation you describe.

The mind boggles really.

thornrose Sat 13-Apr-13 22:03:49

Oh my god, the fact that he took your ds into his house is for me the scariest part.

I totally understand why you reacted the way you did. I don't even know your ds and its making me angry just thinking about it.

He ran off to get his mother when faced by someone who wasn't afraid of him! He sounds like a bully who only picks on people younger and weaker than him.

StuffezLaYoni Sat 13-Apr-13 22:04:42

Who is six foot? Your twelve year old?

landofsoapandglory Sat 13-Apr-13 22:05:12

You should have just called the police. I doubt you can now, really because he would just put in a counter claim against you.

Has your dad gone to the teen's house?

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:06:36

apostropheuse

I live in a rough area.

It was the fact he had taken my DS into his house that got me and my DS crying and him wetting him (all of it tbh).

Yes, I am ashamed to say I did this in front my DS and his friends.

Theicingontop Sat 13-Apr-13 22:06:42

Your 12 year old is very tall. Wow.

If I were you I'd advise DS to find a better crowd to associate with. Him and his mum sound rough.

apostropheuse Sat 13-Apr-13 22:06:49

Why is your father going to the house now?

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:08:41

Yes my 12 year old is 6ft (something he gets picked on for and pushed about at school by 5th/6th yr - he is yr 1)

Yes I handled it totally wrong. Tbh I almost hit him but thought better not to and let him go and he went to get him mum, I then shouted at her. My Dad was either

a) going there
b) Gong to get my 19 year old nephew then going back

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:09:27

My Dad is going as he wants to know why Ds was taken into the house when the mother was at home I was too angry

ckwkatie Sat 13-Apr-13 22:09:58

The Momma Bear in me would've wanted to do the same, but ringing the police was the better option.

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:11:00

Yes, icing I will be talking to DS about this child and a few others.

Ds is trying to establish 'friends' just now and is very much a 'follower'

I think you've made a terrible mistake. I totally understand why you would assault someone who hurt your child but the fact remains that you have assaulted someone who has mental health issues.

I think it's really sad that you didn't know this before you went round and that you need to have a conversation with your son about what his issues might be.

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:15:45

I agree a bit of mess.

My Ds didn't say 'he has mental health issues' he said:

Mum he's mental he punches his brother when he's on the xbox and carries knives

I think we need to stay well clear, Ds will be staying in for the next week or 2.

YOU said in your Original post that that's what your DS has said confused

thornrose Sat 13-Apr-13 22:18:45

Reading between the lines I think the OP was probably trying to be polite by saying mental health issues in the first place and not repeating her sons terminology?

ItsYoniYappy Sat 13-Apr-13 22:20:56

Yes I said Ds advised me had some mental issues:

In 12 year old talk that is:

Mum he is mental he punches his brother when we play x box live and carries knives.

To me he sounds like he has mental issues to my Ds he sounds 'mental'

My Ds was terrified, I over reacted bad move but if DS was misbehaving this should have gave him a fright never to do so again and I need to not react and next time (if there is), call the police

Ok but it is really unfortunate that she (may) have found out afterwards that he has mental health issues and not before.

Still worth talking to her son about what may be wrong/differences etc

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