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to think that 2 weeks is to soon to introduce someone new to your kids

(67 Posts)
cuteboots Fri 12-Apr-13 12:22:19

Ok so Ive fallen out with my friend as shes met this new man on the internet and introduced him to her kids. Is this too soon or am i just being a bit silly. Anyway I voiced my opinion and now she wont talk to me...

DrCoconut Fri 12-Apr-13 18:46:06

DS1 was 5 when I met DH. We were away on a hobby related trip at the time and so DS met him when I did. We didn't rush things and DS was always there really. DH moved in after a year and we got married 2 years in. We have known each other 9 years this summer.

Smithsgirl88 Fri 12-Apr-13 18:30:41

Partners ex met someone on the Internet a few weeks back and has already had him staying weekends with all kids (partners included). Each to their own, but I wouldn't do it myself, however, when this same woman is moaning because I got introduced to the kids a year after first starting seeing partner it seems kind of hypocritical. Which makes it even funnier is the fact that partner was apparently a "bad parent" for moving me in 4 years into our relationship.

LittleEdie Fri 12-Apr-13 18:30:33

I don't see a problem if they're just introduced as a friend.

VelvetSpoon Fri 12-Apr-13 18:27:25

headinhands possibly I didn't make my point well. I certainly didn't mean that a child's looks have any bearing on child abuse. The mum I mentioned seems to me to use her DD as an accessory when she's out on the town, or in her OD photos, I found that disturbing. I rather suspect if her DD had braces and spots like most teens she wouldn't be doing it (and it makes me uncomfortable that she is. Children of any age should not be in ones OD photos!)

woopsidaisy Fri 12-Apr-13 18:20:57

Well if it is good enough for Katie Price....

headinhands Italy Fri 12-Apr-13 18:19:57

Someone I know vaguely in RL who does this introducing after a week or two thing has a very pretty teen DD

Oh god that's dreadful, we all know only attractive children are abused/attacked. Luckily all my dc's are hideous so I can sleep well at night.

Toasttoppers Fri 12-Apr-13 18:17:28

Thanks Velvet my Mums head was in a very bad place at the time. She drank far too much and went out often leaving us alone, dsis was 9. She also took in male lodgers twice, needless to say the police got involved at one point. Really could have done with social services intervention.

Your friend putting her DDs photo up is incredibly worrying.

VelvetSpoon Fri 12-Apr-13 16:53:29

Toasttoppers how awful for you and your sister (and your friend on that occasion) sad

Someone I know vaguely in RL who does this introducing after a week or two thing has a very pretty teen DD. They are always out in pubs etc together (even though her DD is under 18 - but thats a whole other thread) and she puts photos of her and her DD on OD sites. It makes me massively uncomfortable.

VelvetSpoon Fri 12-Apr-13 16:46:50

I think what I meant in terms of how you know someone was more that after 2 weeks I probably wouldn't feel comfortable with even having someone new in my home, let alone if my kids were there. That would be different if it was a friend or work colleague I had known for years for ex. Having said that, I wouldn't rush into things either way.

AmberLeaf Fri 12-Apr-13 16:42:30

I think regardless of where you meet someone, rushing into things is a red flag.

It shows lack of caution and judgement and IMO that is something that is a bigger threat to children [and their Mums] than the issue of where you meet them.

Toasttoppers Fri 12-Apr-13 16:40:40

My Mum was dating when I was 13. She started seeing a bloke, he was staying at our house pretty much straight away. He walked in to my bedroom totally naked, fortunately my friend was on a sleep over and she told him to F off. My bedroom was on a different floor of a three storey house. It wasn't a mistake, she really put myself and my little sister at risk on more than one occasion.

TobyLerone Fri 12-Apr-13 15:55:31

So is it only internet weirdos who can be a threat to our children now?

If you meet someone in the supermarket or through a friend, they'll never be a weirdo, obviously.

hmm

WestieMamma Fri 12-Apr-13 15:19:25

As others have said, it all dependents on the circumstances. 2 weeks for a stranger off the internet is very worrying for me. But my daughter was introduced to my now husband at the same time as I was through a mutual friend at a community event.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 12-Apr-13 14:50:18

Circumstances have a lot to do with what's acceptable I think. Two weeks for a guy off the Internet is just stupidity I think, but I only waited about 4 moths when my dc knew dh as my boyfriend. I had known him for years though, we had a lot of mutual friends and he had already met my dc a few times before we got together and interacted well with them. I was as certain as I could be that it was going to be a long term relationship, but I still wondered if I was doing the right thing at the time. Prior to that I'd had a boyfriend for 2 years. He never met my dc because I knew it wasn't going to last.

VelvetSpoon Fri 12-Apr-13 14:49:13

There is a safety concern too. People are not always what you think, especially if you meet them via OD, rather than friends/work etc.

A friend of a friend was dating a bloke a few years back, met him via OD, seemed nice enough, bit of a 'troubled' past - told her he'd been in prison but gave the impression it was stupid teenage stuff. Bit of googling (by us) showed it was MUCH more serious than that, and when she knew the truth she ended it. Luckily she didn't have DC but honestly after 2 weeks how well can you know someone or what skeletons they may have lurking!

AmberLeaf Fri 12-Apr-13 14:46:39

So many variables to this sort of situation, so it's hard to say really.

I think the age of the children has a bearing too.

Personally, it's not something I would do.

As far as Im concerned, introducing partners to children is something you do when you know that it is a serious relationship and when you are 'sure' as can be about the other person.

That doesn't happen in two weeks IMO.

cuteboots Fri 12-Apr-13 14:43:55

fairylea- I wasnt really judging her as a parent. Just a bit concerned about some random man getting involved with her kids. Her kids her choice at the end of the day

BenjaminButton172 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:42:02

This is a big bug bear for me too.

For me i would wait six months before introduing them to my child and only then as a friend.

My ex tried from day one to involve his gf. He now doesnt see his child because he couldnt get his own way.

It is just unfair on the children.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 12-Apr-13 14:38:20

YANBU, far far too soon. Six months minimum I would say. Children dont need a series of new partners being paraded through their lives.

However people have different standards and different ideas of what a relationship is. Friends should be able to be honest with each other and disagree at times.

VelvetSpoon Fri 12-Apr-13 14:33:48

Far too soon, but then on the basis that I see people changing who they're in a relationship with on FB in pretty much a monthly basis, I have come to realise that I am probably out of step with the J Kyle generation...

If (and when) I meet a man worthy of being introduced to my DC, it will be at least 6 months into our relationship. any sooner is just madness imo and (as these 'intense' things normally crash and burn...again going by FB...after about 2-3 months) best keeping DC out of it to avoid unsettling and/or upsetting them.

BruthasTortoise Fri 12-Apr-13 14:32:11

I do believe that the MN standard for introducing kids to new boyfriends/girlfriends is 6 months, on some threads I've seen a year bandied about as a reasonable time frame hmm. As it is she asked your opinion, you gave it, she's huffing and she is being unreasonable. Shouldn't ask if you don't really want an answer.

Fairylea Fri 12-Apr-13 14:24:47

Cute - I said because you told her she was wrong (I'm guessing that's what you meant by "voiced (your) opinion" that she will feel you are implying she's a bad parent by making poor parenting choices. That is why she feels upset etc etc.

headinhands Italy Fri 12-Apr-13 14:21:17

Can't give an opinion until you give more info op.

yeayea89 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:13:03

First* not risk

yeayea89 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:12:04

I totally agree cuteboots
My sister recently met some guy off the Internet and introduced her 3month old baby's boy on her risk meeting with the guy and has been pretty much living with his mum and him! We've been worried sick, but nothing we can do! We don't even know where he lives

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