Mil's party, dd and chicken pox.....

(82 Posts)
deliakate Fri 12-Apr-13 09:18:35

Mil was 70 in March and we have seen her a couple of times since then, including dh taking her to France for 4 days for her present. Fil has planned a birthday dinner for her tomorrow night in a restaurant and we are booked to go. It's a 4-5 hour drive and we are going when dh gets back from work tonight and driving home on Sunday. Well, dd is 23 months and has woken up today covered in chicken pox. She seems ok, but bit grouchy.

Mil is insisting we all still go down for the dinner, she has a babysitter from the village booked for dd and ds. I am suggesting that I stay at home with ds as its just not fair to expect her to travel so far if she goes downhill.

I can't do the crossed out writing thing, but if I could I would add, I would quite like an excuse not to go as I'm exhausted and don't find the family easy company..... But Aibu?

OP, here is the NHS page on chickenpox. It includes the risks to other people and also does highlight that your child could be really poorly and miserable. If your DH is still of the opinion that you should take your DD after reading this, he is the one being unreasonable.

deliakate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:05:07

The journey tonight would be under cover of darkness and they normally sleep as we go after bath time. On Sunday, we can easily not stop and have a sandwich in the car and nappy change on the back seat. But she will be awake and potentially hot an uncomfortable so that's what I'm worried about....

It's kind of a no brainier for me. Am sitting next to my yawning, hot, little dd and honestly wouldn't take her in the garden let alone sitting in a tight car seat with itchy spots all over her sad

SwishSwoshSwoosh Fri 12-Apr-13 14:10:59

Delia - you are being really selfish to even consider this.

If you are totally happy that a waitress working in that restaurant might be pregnant and lose her baby, then go. Stop posting on here about it, and take your stupid selfish risks without a thought for anyone else.

I get annoyed with the bleating, you've been told it is not ok for your child or for the people you come into contact with.

What more do you want?

Fresh01 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:12:33

Having recently had 2 children with chicken pox and had to rearrange many things and ask many lifts off friends so my older two children could still do school/activities as I was housebound with pox children, I can't understand why you are still considering the idea. Chicken pox generally only happens once to children and is a nuisance for a week or so but the impact on pregnant ladies/immunio compromised people can be much longer lasting. You and your DD should be staying in your home.

thebody Fri 12-Apr-13 14:14:57

Think swishswoosh put it in a nutshell op. I don't think any one on this thread thinks you should go. So don't.

gybegirl Fri 12-Apr-13 14:16:09

I'm not normally one for saying do or don't do a particular thing however...

Please don't go. My dd was really poorly with chicken pox, even during the night - in fact, especially during the night. She was literally screaming in discomfort. I was not allowed to touch her to make her feel better. I mean not even hold her hand or stroke her head where she had no spots. It was hideous. She eventually got to sleep about three in the morning through sheer exhaustion. The idea of her being strapped in a car seat for hours like that just so I could go to a meal would have been too awful to think about.

Child comes first every time. MIL comes second, she should realise this.

deliakate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:18:13

Rude lady, swishswashswoosh. I am not taking her, I'm just jotting things down (arguments mil might use) about it in between looking after the two children on my own all day. Really my question wasn't should I take her but was I bu to think mil is a cow for trying to make me. Anyway, thanks everyone, I had thought of all the points mentioned, which add more grist to my mojo for when I ring mil later on.

Inertia Fri 12-Apr-13 14:18:53

Look, it's not fair on your DD to make her travel all that way and then be looked after by a stranger in a strange house without her parents. She might sleep usually, I doubt she will sleep well if she is feverish and itchy with carseat straps rubbing her spots -don't rule out a 5 hour journey accompanied by crying.

It's downright irresponsible to expose other people to the risk of chicken pox.

You've been told that it would be irresponsible to take her - would you like us to tell your MIL for you ?

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 14:20:06

swish her dd wouldn't be going to the restaraunt she would be staying at Mil's with a babysitter who knows she has chickenpox and is happy tho still babysit.

But regardless of that it ius not OK to risk spreading it and it could well be horrible and in comfortable for dd, she needs to stay home and be kept comfortable.

deliakate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:20:26

Also, swishswashswoosh - re the lady in the restaurant, are you suggesting parents and siblings of chicken pox inflicted children should quarantine themselves too? I have never heard of this.

Yes am god at dealing with MILs too!!! I ind that making it i to an emotional reason helps as she can't disagree with that!

'I feel very upset about the thought of bringing her so we will stay here.'
That type of thing.

Good luck!

Andro Fri 12-Apr-13 14:21:57

The journey tonight would be under cover of darkness and they normally sleep as we go after bath time.

Usual doesn't apply when child is ill! She could easily suffer a fever/chills/vomiting/headache/be very itchy and uncomfortable - the result being that she doesn't sleep.

On Sunday, we can easily not stop and have a sandwich in the car and nappy change on the back seat.

Nausea? Fever? Itching? It's the same deal as going, planning goes out the window when child is unwell.

But she will be awake and potentially hot an uncomfortable so that's what I'm worried about....

If that's all you're worried about then you have bigger problems than a child with chicken pox!

good not god

Andro Fri 12-Apr-13 14:23:44

X post! It seems I've been a little hash, unfairly so. I apologise OP.

deliakate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:26:00

Dinnea worry

thebody Fri 12-Apr-13 14:26:33

Well done op. I recall a great mumsnet quite.

'No is a complete sentence'

You don't need to argue or explain. If your mil is that dense and daft ghen why bother.

Bogeyface Fri 12-Apr-13 17:23:56

What did your MIL say?

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 12-Apr-13 17:48:39

Strange question that hopefully someone will be able to answer, I've never had chicken pox what are the risks from it to pregnant women?

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 12-Apr-13 17:54:31

Scrap that I've just read the NHS link,I did know it but temp forgot.

my dd is a week into hers and is STILL itching and waking at night asking to have the ones around her bottom and vulva/labia tended to because they're sore.

You dont need to make excuses, she is contagious, you stay home, thats the end of it!

oh and you cant catch shingles from someone with chicken pox.

3littlefrogs Fri 12-Apr-13 18:03:22

My ds was terribly ill with chicken pox. For 3 weeks. He was fine for the first 2 days then got very sick indeed. I wouldn't have dreamt of taking a contagious child anywhere in any case.

SwishSwoshSwoosh Fri 12-Apr-13 18:11:50

Apologies, I misunderstood, thought the child was going to the restaurant. Seems even more nuts to drive a poorly child for hours to be looked after by a stranger. I thought the babysitter was at home OR you were taking them with you. I promises I did rtft I just got very confused!

No of course others can go, unless you have serious thoughts they are about to burst out in spots themselves (personally if one child had it and I thought the other was incubating it, I would start quarantine for both at same time).

But I think it is U to expose anyone to it unless you have to, so my concern about a waitress in restaurant applies to staff in service station for example.

Hissy Fri 12-Apr-13 18:38:24

You've posted about this never ending birthday year already haven't you? Iirc, MIL demanded trhe holiday after a party/do at the time of her birthday AND this meal?

Your child is ill. You are all carrying what IS a dangerous virus to those who are PG or immunocompromised.

No is a complete sentance.

She's had more flaming birth celebrations than the queen ffs. Tell her to get her own jelly and ice cream.

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