To think that if you want to go on Masterchef you must cook the following dishes:

(241 Posts)
muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:11:43

Starter:- Pan fried scallops with some sort of slop puree, preferably cauliflower. For extra points add a lump of black pudding.

Main:- Pan fried duck with some sort of fruit, orange, plum or redcurrants always go down well. Serve with either fondant/crushed potatoes and a red wine jus.

Pudding:- Chocolate fondant. Doesn't matter what you serve with it, if it works you will be hailed a genius regardless, if it doesn't, you will be sent home anyway.

If you want to be the wacky, 'inventive' one, add a bit of fruit to the scallops (apple maybe?), change the fruit you serve with the duck to a less conventional one (nectarine, perhaps?) and add some chilli to your chocolate fondant.

I love Masterchef but I'm so bloody sick of seeing the same dishes rehashed all the time!

Moominsarehippos Wed 10-Apr-13 22:50:37

Or anything cooked '3 ways'. Make a decision, already!

Does anyome else yell at the telly 'stop pissing about and shove it on the plate!' When the restaurant chefs are giving a mm by mm blueprint of how the food should go on the plate? Do they ever wake up in the morning and think 'fuck it, with all the famine and wars in the world, does it really matter?'.

MajorDivvy Wed 10-Apr-13 22:57:30

dairymoo DH and I thought that vid was so funny!

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:01:05

And why can't there kitchen area be messy! Mines looks like a
Bomb has hit it
The time I done

starfishmummy Wed 10-Apr-13 23:01:05

Don't forget you have to go on a journey.....

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 23:01:27

Yes, always best to cook things 3 ways, God forbid anyone should just cook a piece of bloody fish, no, you must pan fry one bit, serve another bit raw the the third must be wrapped in cling film and shoved in a water bath, and the skin must be served crispy and sticking up out of the mash (see previous posts about fish skin.)

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:03:36

Don't forget saffron infused rice!

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 23:05:03

Also, when asked why you have entered Masterchef you must say "I just want to see how far I can get in the competition," despite the fact that that is a boring, predictable, stupid response that doesn't even really answer the bloody question.

BeCool Wed 10-Apr-13 23:05:55

For the first time ever I've not been able to get into Masterchef. Disappointing but I bored by it

I am however addicted to Australian Masterchef. Totally different format. Love it.

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:07:04

Id wud love to see somebody lick their plate! Ha

almapudden Wed 10-Apr-13 23:07:49

Au contraire, they would love jellied pigs' trotters, but only if served with a purée of pommes sous-vide with anchovy and cucumber foam and a calf tongue and pomegranate ganache.

Howling at this thread. I love Masterchef but it's so bloody cheffy.

DH hates scallops, and I have a scary seafood allergy. When we see more fecking scallops yet again, we eye roll.

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:10:30

I'd do steak pie and chips and trifle haha

Moominsarehippos Wed 10-Apr-13 23:10:45

Just a tiny dogs arse-wipe of ganache mind. Don't want to over-do it.

Speaking of trifle, I got on Britain's Best Dish doing trifle but ended up missing the filming on account of being in hospital having life-saving surgery.

I hit the magic buttons of "alcoholic pudding" and "possesses big boobs".

grovel Wed 10-Apr-13 23:14:14

You missed Jilly G! She's lovely.

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:14:44

Oh no horry!! I think u shud let us sample ur trifle

ChairmanWow Wed 10-Apr-13 23:17:12

Any kind of non-British street food. I'd love to see British - a deconstructed doner kebab (cooked sous vide) anyone?

I hate Greg's sex face which he deploys when sampling the puddings, accompanied by that chuckle he does and him going 'Cor, that just jumps of the plate and gives you a big sloppy kiss. Phwoar!'. A girl could have nightmares about that face.

cricketballs Wed 10-Apr-13 23:18:41

I've always said that despite my cooking being brilliant wink I could never go on there (when dc tell me to enter) as I like my meat COOKED and not still running around the plate

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 23:18:45

Horry - Was your trifle deconstructed? Was it topped with a champagne and truffle foam, sprinkled with foraged nettles and served with a liquid nitrogen fart biscuit? If not then you may not be of Masterchef quality just yet wink

On a serious note, congratulations! I hope you are fit and well again now.

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:22:52

His eyebrows dancing and the phwoaaaar make me and Dh chuckle! Some advocate for ww he is?!!!! Do u reckon he's had a gastric?

Yes I'm fine thanks, it was 2009.

It wasn't deconstructed but it was ginger/whisky rather than strawberry/sherry though.

Bakingnovice Wed 10-Apr-13 23:30:13

Haha. Cannot bear Greg. He knows fuck all about food anyway.

My personal pet hate is every dish looks like you'd need to go to the chippy after. And stop with all the carefully placed miniature baby leaves: baby baby spinach, baby lambs lettuce, baby cress. And no more petals on the plate. I've tasted these edible petals. They taste like shit.

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 23:33:00

Hahahah this has made me chuckle

SingingSands Wed 10-Apr-13 23:42:02

Don't forget when cooking for the judges, you MUST run out of time to make your dessert and just end up serving melted ice cream.

lovetomoan Wed 10-Apr-13 23:45:39

muminthecity Steamed, as I had them at my chines friend's house.

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