Dh makes enormous faux pas

(85 Posts)
Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 20:49:17

Earlier, my dh decided to get some red wine. He was busy on the computer when older dc asked him to get our dd a bottle of squash.
I went upstairs to find it on the floor.. It looked very dark for squash so I went to dilute it as I only allow very weak squash. I then realised it was the bloody wine.
I ran downstairs to tell him. He didn't believe me until I made him smell it. How could anyone be so stupid?
He has recently been signed of work with depression and is finding it hard to concentrate and think straight but i am really disturbed by this and what might have happened if she had drank any.
I don't know what to do really.
I'm crying sad

kinkyfuckery Wed 10-Apr-13 21:39:43

But... does your DH make a habit of drinking wine when the children are still around? Not sure what time of day this was at.

I wasn't brave enough kinky to go the squash in a bottle debate.

i'm such a slow typer- this thread only had 3 posts when i started.

LynetteScavo Wed 10-Apr-13 21:40:46

That's not a faux pas, it's a fuck up.

For now you have three DC.

It could have been worse.

I hope your DH gets better soon.

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 21:40:50

I know squash in a bottle is a terrible idea and she doesn't have it all the time I promise!
THe main issue is dh- I'm seriously wondering if he's capable of looking after her now. He just forgets simple things, gets mixed up and doesn't have any organisation at all. Set meal times and routine is impossible for him.
He's due to start anti depressants tomorrow so maybe it will help.

No harm done and we all make mistakes. I assume you're crying because you're worried about your dh, rather than because you think he's hurt/might hurt dd?

I'm a bit confused though - if it was just left on the floor, then it seems your dd is big enough to drink things alone and be left alone in her room? So why does she need a bottle?

It does sound like he might need to see the doc again to see if any medication is maybe making him a bit out of it?

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 21:41:05

I know squash in a bottle is a terrible idea and she doesn't have it all the time I promise!
THe main issue is dh- I'm seriously wondering if he's capable of looking after her now. He just forgets simple things, gets mixed up and doesn't have any organisation at all. Set meal times and routine is impossible for him.
He's due to start anti depressants tomorrow so maybe it will help.

OldBagWantsNewBag Wed 10-Apr-13 21:41:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

well kinky, as a single parent I would a teetotaler if I didn't have the odd drink when in charge of ds.

directoroflegacy Wed 10-Apr-13 21:42:20

I have a similar age gap between my 2 dc, the oldest should be making drinks for his sister!
Can you tell us why yr dh is depressed?

And please don't think I am minimising this. Simply saying that while someone is getting used to meds its a good idea to be a bit vigilant. Not fair on you or ds. But depression is not fair. Fingers crossed his meds sorts out his spaceyness, if that makes sense.

GuffSmuggler Wed 10-Apr-13 21:46:31

I know accidents happen and we all make mistakes but confusing a wine bottle with a squash bottle!? A lot of you REALLY think this is a silly mistake anyone could make??

I think I would be crying if my DH had become so mentally incapacitated. He is clearly an unwell man.

100% agree no alcohol in the house until he is feeling better and I'm not sur e I would be leaving him alone with DCs.

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 21:49:26

I feel a lot better now thanks everyone smile I guess I'm just shocked at someone making such a mistake! I don't drink but had made a lovely roast tonight to actually celebrate a bit as we had been given a free weekend away so he decided to have some wine. It was about 7pm.
I have no idea why this depression has started. I noticed a year ago he wasn't his normal vivacious self and was sleeping more and more. He finally took notice this week when I said he had to sort himself out or id leave. It was just becoming unbearable. Im glad it's been diagnosed and he's listening to me despite his family denying it and telling him to 'get on with life' which makes me very angry !

My ds had a bottle of milk everynight till he was five. I know I would be judged for this, but he loved his bottle. It was his transitional object. I would have decked anyone that judged me on that. So the odd bottle of squash, while not ideal, is not terrible parent time.

Depression is a nasty illness. Try not to judge your dh by "normal" standards. Yes he messed. up. But as with any illness we have to modify our behaviours. Can you tell us how he reacted to the discovery?

I feel for you all.But you will get through it.

directoroflegacy Wed 10-Apr-13 21:51:03

I think that if there wasn't a diagnosis of depression in the mix, then it would be a bit funny / more light-hearted.
But now you are looking at everything yr dh does/doesn't do to see if there is something more to it.
Does that make sense- I don't mean to say what you are thinking!

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 21:51:39

Because the doctor mentioned nothing to him about drinking during all f this he thinks its perfectly ok. I don't!

Families are rubbish at dealing with mental health issues. it is too threatening to the status quo which is often hard won. Look after your family and yourself an let the rest go over your head. Nothing helpful to say? then close the conversation down.

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 21:53:23

Directoroflegacy, completely right!

It depends on his meds and how they interact with alcohol. Mostly the problem with alcohol is that it can be a form of self medication, but it doesn't sound like he has an issue with it. So its mostly to do with drinking alcohol flushes out the anti-Ds before they have a chance to work properly.

pictish Wed 10-Apr-13 21:55:05

Sounds like a genuine mistake to me!
Nothing awful was going to happen to your dd as a result of a sip of diluted wine. It would have tasted horrible so she threw it away.

If my dh did this we would laugh our heads off with horrified glee! grin

I sense this isn't really about the wine in the baby bottle is it?

NynaevesSister Wed 10-Apr-13 22:00:51

No don't leave him to look after the kids. He is ill and just not capable at the moment. What you said before - it really is like having serious brain fog. Give the anti d's six weeks to have an effect and then ease him back in. The important thing is he knows he is ill and is getting help. You guts are going to be fine and your DH will heal.

directoroflegacy Wed 10-Apr-13 22:04:26

smile
I think that yr dh should be commended for actually going to the dr - so many men don't - yr threat obviously worked, which shows how much he values you!?

OrbisNonSufficit Wed 10-Apr-13 22:06:08

OP it might help you to talk to some of the depression support charities out there like depression alliance - it's a hard illness to understand and as the doctor obviously hasn't given you any guidance on what additional support your DH will need then you probably need more advice/support. I do know that it's easy to get distracted and do things on auto-pilot when you're depressed, which is obviously what's happened.

And remember to look after yourself. xx

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 10-Apr-13 22:07:36

I feel so much better now. Thank you
I'm going to bed to give him a hug. I'm sure he feels terrible too.

I am only working odd days at the moment so not too worried about him looking after he dc's. it's sad that he'll feel awful if I tell him I don't want to leave him alone with dd when I do go to work though sad

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