"Ring me when you've arrived or i shall sit here and worry ... and ring me when you know what time you'll be on your way home" AIBU

(210 Posts)
fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 15:12:48

... to think NO mother, I wont! FGS

Please, i'm old enough to have a 20 year old daughter and i just want this break away from everything with my DH for our 1st anniversary, in Wales, and not worry about ringing people up every 10 minutes.

It's only 2 hours away. We're only there for 2 bloody nights - we're under heaps of stress right now, and it will all still be here waiting for us when we get back again. We just want to drive away tomorrow and forget about everything for a short time.

Do you all still ring your mothers when you arrive somewhere? Do they do the guilt trip thing if you don't? Am i just being a cow here?

Venting.

DumSpiroSpero Wed 10-Apr-13 19:11:07

I'm 37 & my mum's the same.

There are issues there tbf so I just go along with it.

We have a system where I just text 'AP&C' (All Present & Correct) when I get anywhere, and then text when I'm leaving/due back with another AP&C when I get back.

It keeps her happy & nanas I don't have to get into long winded conversations I don't have the time or inclinaition for when I'm in the middle of doing things.

DumSpiroSpero Wed 10-Apr-13 19:12:18

means not nanas confused

Crappy predictive text.

macreturnofthe Wed 10-Apr-13 21:06:45

my family insist on - call when you get back and let it ring for 4 rings then hang up so we will know your back (don't pick up coz that will cost money!)

I refuse to partake, but find it hugely entertaining to watch- especially when it rings for more than 4 rings and there is a sprint to answer it before the answer phone kicks in!

Or the classic - not hanging up promptly after 4 rings leaving confusion over who it was that called, requiring a 1471 (costs money) and then if it was a failed 4 ring attempt....this could mean there's a disaster and said person is in trouble!

b4bunnies Wed 10-Apr-13 21:12:09

if i walk home from my daughter's house (five minutes away from mine) i have to phone her when i get in. and if she walked home from my house, i'd expect her to do the same.

CaptainSweatPants Wed 10-Apr-13 21:13:30

why? What do yuo think might happen? do you mean late at night?

b4bunnies Wed 10-Apr-13 21:17:08

no. just. we don't like people flapping around the world unaccounted for.

2rebecca Wed 10-Apr-13 21:22:51

My dad often comes back from impromptu holidays and just tells me he's been away and he's in his 70s! I don't get these families who live in each others pockets and can't go for a 5 minute walk or 2 hour drive without checking in. I can't remember if I've even told my dad if I'm going away in a fortnight, he knows I'm going away next weekend because he's meeting us there so we'll phone each other then.
I'd hate to be part of a nosy family with no freedom or sense of travel as routine and enjoyable not a fearful ordeal.

PicaK Wed 10-Apr-13 22:26:36

We have to do the ring not text thing. It does get irritating. But it means a lot to them - I guess it's an old people thing and we go along with it.

We also drink red bull on the journey and have to stop and dispose of the evidence before we get to our relative's house as she hates the stuff.

As someone says above - it's a foible we'd miss.

ImagineJL Wed 10-Apr-13 22:36:44

I don't understand the problem. She's your Mum, she'll worry, so just ring her. It only needs to take a couple of minutes, and it'll mean a lot to her.

I think YABVU.

tigerlilygrr Wed 10-Apr-13 22:54:14

Someone I know (name redacted as honestly I think this is embarrassing) used to ring his mum to say he was going into the cinema now and would not be contactable for the next two hours... Every time. A fully grown adult male. Then ring when he got out. It's not just the mums being unreasonable it's the family who pander to it, OP YANBU!

2rebecca Wed 10-Apr-13 23:02:41

Why should a mother worry because their very adult child is going on a 1 hour car journey though? If it was a trip to Oz I could understand wanting some sort of call to say you have arrived but I travel for an hour in the car regularly. If my dad wanted a phonecall each time I'd tell him to stop being so silly. It isn't cute and loving and endearing, it's OTT and smothering.
Why is it OK to behave in a controlling neurotic way just because you are a parent?
Being a good parent includes giving your adult children their freedom and not sweating the small stuff and a 1 hour car journey is definitely the small stuff.
It isn't an old people thing, and if you refuse to do it then they stop expecting it.
I wouldn't tell my dad I was going anywhere if he wanted phone calls every time I got in the car. It really is none of his business.

LaQueen Wed 10-Apr-13 23:08:03

Well, it could be seen as being caring...but, if your Mum really cared about you she would ascertain that her attitude really irritates you, and she would bite her lip and not ask you to always phone her.

My MIL is like this with my SIL - and it drives my SIL up the wall, and my MIL knows this. But, she refuses to stop, because she chooses to put her own feelings, before those of her DD.

glossyflower Wed 10-Apr-13 23:27:47

What's the big deal honestly? Just a quick text would do, "hi mum got here safe thanks". Even if you do begrudge doing it I don't see why you should stress over it.
My mum is the same although isn't as bad as she used to be. However at 32 years old I do object to her trying to hold my hand when we cross the road grin

DontSHOUTTTTTT Wed 10-Apr-13 23:58:40

My DS 20 uses our joint iTunes account and we worked out we could all share a FindIPhone account in case any of us loose our iPhones.......

Basically, this means we can all track where each other are at all times. I think this is the ultimate App for worrying Mums.
(Not that I am wink )

onetoomanytoo Thu 11-Apr-13 00:03:31

i am currantly being driven mad by my dad, this weekend i am driving to london from cornwall, but according to him i should really book a coach as the drive will be too much for me, am a a newly passed driver?, am i 19, ?, no, i am 45, have had my driving licence for the last 20 years, never had an accident, and have spent the last 3 years driving up and down the motorways in the 4x4 bus towing a horse trailer.

the whole thing is made far worse by the fact i am flying out to a country that has had a bit of trouble of late, but is all quiet at the mement, as i pointed out to him, from what is being said, london is going to be far worse next wednesday!!

on the other hand, my 20 yr old dd, often travels the bredth of the country, mostly for uni, she texts me when she gets there, but more to let me know she didn't miss or get on the wrong coach ( she has form!), but i don't panic if i don't here from her for weeks on end.

erowid Thu 11-Apr-13 00:18:49

My mum always asks for a 'check-in' text if I've been visiting and I drive back home late at night but not so much if I leave during the day. Although I do remember the time when DH an I took a last min holiday to Amsterdam and she called whilst we were away so I told her I wouldn't talk long so not to rack up the phone charges and she freaked "You haven't been on a plane have you? you should have told me!... anything could happen!!" ..... "yes mum, sorry mum" grin

whokilleddannylatimer Thu 11-Apr-13 00:25:30

Ha my mum once rang me on a winter night, on hearing traffic she gave me a lecture on why I was out in the dark.

It was 7pm, I was on my way home from work and 30!!

Yes also to the if I dont hear from you by eight I will know your home ok??? confused

And "your dad will pick you up, im not having dc on buses with the drunks who will be about on a Friday night at five pm?

SingingSands Thu 11-Apr-13 00:38:47

When we go on holiday, MIL phones every fucking day to ask what our plans are, if we're going out for dinner, where we've been...it's so intrusive!

I have no idea why. Normally we only speak on the phone once or twice a week.

whokilleddannylatimer Thu 11-Apr-13 00:43:56

my mum is quite savvy in regards to technology.

I woke up the other day to 2 missed calls, 2 answer messages, a Facebook message and a missed Skype. This was half past 6am.

I rang back in a panic to be told she had seen something about an attempted abduction miles from where I live...

Jux Thu 11-Apr-13 00:47:06

Never with my parents, but dh's mum is dreadful for this; she is known to indulge massively in emotional blackmail.

Gay40 Thu 11-Apr-13 00:54:18

I drive a lot for work, sometimes overnights. The only person who needs to know where I am is DP, and that's only a text to say I've arrived and my room number in case she wants to have flowers delivered which never happens

Similarly a text to say I'm leaving because the roads I travel on are prone to fatal pile-ups

I have no idea where my parents are most of the time, but they do tell me when they are going on holiday etc. I couldn't stand constant monitoring. My grandmother finds it incredible that we don't report our locations every five minutes to each other. Fuck that (I quote my mum)

Gay40 Thu 11-Apr-13 00:56:39

Do people have nothing better to do than sit and worry about other people's travelling arrangements??

MidniteScribbler Thu 11-Apr-13 04:48:16

I'm afraid I'm someone who likes a call. I never was, until my father passed away. I had tried calling him all night and he didn't answer and I thought he might have gone to the neighbours for a drink, so didn't worry, but then he didn't answer at 6am the next morning (he was an early bird and I would frequently chat to him on speakerphone while driving to work). He had passed away the night before. It's led me to being a bit paranoid when my only other living relative (apart from DS) doesn't answer when she normally would, and at 79, I worry that she may have fallen or be ill. I'm trying to stress less about it, but it's taking time to work through it. Fortunately, she understands my paranoia and gives me a call to let me know if she's going to be out when she normally wouldn't. My friends also understand the "send me a quick text to let me know you got home ok" if they are leaving late at night. It only takes a few seconds and it saves me a lot of stress.

fluffyraggies Thu 11-Apr-13 07:11:45

For those asking how hard can a text be - can i just say again that mum wont use a mobile. So i can't text. If i'm going to comply with her requests it will have to be a proper phone call (probably peppered with subtle comments designed to make me feel guilty for going away) or me having to call her and fudge a bad line. Which leaves me feeling shitty because i know it's ridiculous.

She's asked for a second call also, don't forget, once we know what time we will be leaving to come home again on Saturday.

For goodness sake.

I've left provision for her. She is perfectly safe at home. My DCs are a 3 minute walk away from her and have the house phone and mobiles and we would text them if there was a problem. To be honest if there was a god almightly problem at some point - telling my mum would be the last thing i'd do anyway!

Me ringing to say we have successfully crossed the border from England to Wales, have the hotel in our sights and are all still breathing doesn't mean anything with regards to whether i'm going to survive the next 2 days does it??

I think on the whole i take from this IANB all that U. It's a silly thing that just feels like a big thing at the mo. I need to wake DH up soon and do some packing. Oh, and ring mum before we leave ''so i know what time you're going'' .... hmm

aaagggghhhh

You are my sister. grin

I made the mistake of saying, in reply to a text (she's just learnt to text on an old brick)

"Just on my way home will ring you when I get a chance"

Of course, I hadn't TOLD her I was going an hour down the road to visit my friend. And it was a SATURDAY.
Which allegedly makes a difference.

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