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"Ring me when you've arrived or i shall sit here and worry ... and ring me when you know what time you'll be on your way home" AIBU

(210 Posts)
fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 15:12:48

... to think NO mother, I wont! FGS

Please, i'm old enough to have a 20 year old daughter and i just want this break away from everything with my DH for our 1st anniversary, in Wales, and not worry about ringing people up every 10 minutes.

It's only 2 hours away. We're only there for 2 bloody nights - we're under heaps of stress right now, and it will all still be here waiting for us when we get back again. We just want to drive away tomorrow and forget about everything for a short time.

Do you all still ring your mothers when you arrive somewhere? Do they do the guilt trip thing if you don't? Am i just being a cow here?

Venting.

Feminine Wed 10-Apr-13 15:58:45

Some people just worry. a bit

I like to be told if someone has arrived.

Many people in my family ask the same of me.

My Mum is a real worrier , really panics. I just let the panic drift over my head...and away!

I always call. YANBU to wish she didn't add that last bit on, but, its very common.

Airwalk79 Wed 10-Apr-13 15:58:58

Don't do it! Just don't start getting into this one!
My mum has to ring my nan all the time and its painful!
If I go and see her she wants me to ring to say I'm home, its a ten min drive. I make a excuse about going shopping/ friends/ anywhere on my way and don't know what time il be home.
I think she proberbly thinks I'm forgetful but I refuse to get into this!

Disclaimer... I love my old nana to absolute bits, and do most things she asks, but I can't drive her paranoia by going along with this silly game.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 10-Apr-13 16:00:34

I've been chased by a sheep in Wales. I had to fend it off with a flowmeter.

My mum does this, sometimes, but she's gotten better. Now it's only really if we've had a car journey of several hours.

I'd go with calling her for about 15 seconds "Hello? Mum? Can you hear me? Hello? For goodness sake, I just wanted to call to say we're here ok, but the signal is so bad I can't hear a thing! Hello?" then hang up and turn your phone off, and sit down with a chilled glass of wine, and have a good giggle about your DM at the other end. "Hello???" grin

UtterflyButterfly Wed 10-Apr-13 16:04:36

My DD and I have an unspoken arrangement that we text after a long journey. Sadly, we have had a family tragedy where somebody didn't arrive safely, and, although it's never discussed between us I know she's happy if I let her know I'm home and vice versa.

In OP's situation though, the DCs will know if anything's amiss and can let Grandmother know.

RandallPinkFloyd Wed 10-Apr-13 16:07:13

My mother is exactly the same. It drives me bonkers.

Her main area of concern is ditches. It's always assumed I could potentially "end up in a ditch".

It's ridiculous and tbh now I'm 33 I've lost patience. She's a massive drama llama and I refuse to be drawn into it. Harsh as it sounds, the fact that she loves the drama of worrying is her problem not mine

fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 16:07:50

Just remembered I was almost butted into a lake by a sheep a couple of summers ago smile

So .. those who have been asked to ring, but don't ring ... do you say you're not going to ring? Or do you 'forget' and it all just simmers on?

I'll be speaking to her again before we leave tomorrow - i'm not sure i can face being honest and say i wont ring. I cant bare the 'poor me' stuff that will follow.

I'm a jelly aren't i?

purrpurr Wed 10-Apr-13 16:08:18

OP, don't do it. This is a nice trip for you, an oasis of calm in what sounds like rocky seas right now, you are well and truly past the age of needing to be parented, and as you are not going into Outer Space or somewhere similarly far flung, she cannot expect you to parent up a level at her, either, by reassuring (and enabling) her hand-wringing and panicking. Don't do it. Say you forgot. Don't even let it enter your radar.

I have no idea where my mother is at any time. She has no idea where I am at any time.

We both have mobile phones, and generally communicate by text.

Suits me fine. I would hate hate to have to ring someone to confirm my arrival. The only time I do is if I am travelling back late, and then I text whoever I was visiting to let them know I'm back (am a single parent).

fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 16:11:25

I think the adult thing to do is exactly what mrsmango and others have suggested. Quick ring - bad signal - job done.

sigh

Dolallytats Wed 10-Apr-13 16:12:36

Oh dear, I AM your mother!! I do this to my almost 20yr old daughter blush. She calls when she leaves for work and when she gets home (she has lived in her own place for just over a year) and if she goes out for the evening she texts when she's home. I'm really trying not to be a paranoid wreck......but I don't think it's working!! blush

snice Wed 10-Apr-13 16:12:43

This is what texting is for surely?' Just arrived see you on xday' then 'just leaving see you later'
It only takes 20 seconds

fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 16:13:29

purrpurr you're right! I wont ring.

It is ridiculous. I've managed to get myself and my family half way round the world before now.

It's only Wales!

<empowered>

HeathRobinson Wed 10-Apr-13 16:13:42

Wales can be very dangerous you know.

It's the dragons...

Arcticwaffle Wed 10-Apr-13 16:13:47

I'd turn my phone off and say "We're having a digital free holiday" (all the rage apparently, you can pay £3000 to stay on a Carribean Island without your phone or wifi).

But I only phone my mother about once a month, she'd prefer weekly but certainly not all the time. It seems really bizarre to me to be so intense with other adults.

WilsonFrickett Wed 10-Apr-13 16:14:27

My SIL is like this. I love her dearly but if she can't get hold of my (extremely independent, in full control of all her faculties) MIL she starts a telephone tree round the family thinking she's popped her clogs. Last time she'd just gone to Waitrose lucky cah

fluffyraggies Wed 10-Apr-13 16:16:16

snice she wont ''do'' texts. Her mobile is in the bread bin, turned off, and that's where it stays. She wont leave a proper message on an answer machine either.

WHAT is that all about?? ''Hellllloooooooooooo''???? Phone goes down.

angry

YANBU

They just won't let us grow up, will they?

My MIL insisted my dh ring him at 11pm to make sure he was ok, or to tell her he was on the way home, EVERY TIME he was out with his friends, and was doing it right til he met me. He was 22 at the time. And a MAN blush shock

BellaVita Wed 10-Apr-13 16:16:56

I would ring her now for a bit of a catchup and say right then, I will give you a call over the weekend and I can tell you all about our lovely hotel etc.

If she complains just say it will be the weekend or not at all.

Giraffeski Wed 10-Apr-13 16:19:12

I used to wait half an hour before I rang my mum when I got home, or else she would accuse me of driving too fast wink

digerd Wed 10-Apr-13 16:27:01

I know somebody who did die in a ditch. Not driving a car but walking drunk on new year's day in the early hours. The ditch had water in it and he passed out fell into it face down and drowned.

There are 2 wise sayings
1. A woman is born to worry about her children
2. Small children small worries, big children big worries.

If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't worry - but they do.
Wait until you are as old as your DMs - you will be just the same. <smile face>.

EggsEggSplat Wed 10-Apr-13 16:29:03

My mother does this, not just when I'm travelling. She calls me every night, and if I don't answer (out, on the loo, on the other phone...) starts worrying until I call her back.

The thing is, for about 15 years I was on the other side of the world and only spoke to her once every week or so and most of the time she had no idea where I was - I once called after we had been in quite a bad earthquake, and she had no idea we'd been anywhere near it. But since I moved back to the UK, she expects to know where I am and what I am doing all the time (and tells me not to go out by myself after dark - ffs I'm a big strong ugly 45 year old, I can take care of myself).

There was a great quote about all this in a book I read recently (Capital, John Lanchester) something along the lines of how to the person doing the worrying/fussing, it feels like love; to the person being worried about, it feels like control. Exactly. I try not to do it to my children...

Op I am not you but may be your sister smile

My MIL used to be like that.
Until she was told to naff off. I don't even call MY mother when I'm away.
She's fine now grin

CrystalQueen Wed 10-Apr-13 16:33:51

My mother likes me to phone when I get home if I have been visiting them (an hour's drive away). It drives my DH mental, so that now I have to phone from the car before I go in. I can't figure out who is treating me more like a child, my mother for wanting me to phone, or my husband for forbidding me from phoning.

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