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To think there should be a maximum visit length for your MIL

(67 Posts)
Frescolita Wed 10-Apr-13 12:32:29

Sooo...mine is here for 3 weeks, and I find 2 weeks completely sufficient to last the other 50 in the year. Am I out of line to think that there should be either a social etiquette max limit on visit length, or even better, a law?!

TomArchersSausage Mon 15-Apr-13 10:53:47

I always set the egg timerwink

freddiefrog Mon 15-Apr-13 10:51:51

A weekend is more than enough for me, whoever they are

Fortunately MiL's only been to visit once in 10 years, and then she stayed in a cottage nearby.

We had foreign exchange students for 8 weeks one summer, I hated it

I don't like anyone staying in my house beyond a couple of nights. blush As for sharing the kitchen?? It's tiny, you can manage one person cooking at one end, and one making drinks at the other, but that's about it.

My MIL is lovely though. We go on holiday with her every few years, and have a nice time, so I could happily spend 2 weeks plus with her, as long as it's not in my house! grin

sheeplikessleep Mon 15-Apr-13 10:03:59

TBH, having anyone stay more than a couple of days makes my teeth itch. I guess I just like my own space.

NeatFreak Mon 15-Apr-13 09:56:25

My mil has just left after a week, which she does every school holiday as she is a teacher. However, this week coincided with me being 7 months pg, having 2 older dc at home and a massive building project going on, rendering half our house unusable. It honestly caused me so much stress and anxiety that when my mum asked if she could visit next month I agreed and booked her into a hotel (at our expense).

I feel a week is too much, although I love my mil and she is genuinely a lovely person. It is my home and I relish the chance to relax, wander around in my nightie, nap during the day and not iron everything that goes through the washing machine. A long weekend is enough IMO. That applies to all visitors, not just in laws!

Datun Mon 15-Apr-13 09:33:50

Having had a pretty horrendous relationship with my MIL for 25 years (most people do, in my defence), I have found in the words of my own mother 'it's better to get over rough ground lightly'. We didn't talk for a year because of her rudeness/selfishness, but I realised I was depriving my DS of his grandmother. Bizarrely, she's a good grandmother. MILs are for life, unfortunately. Rise above it, be superficially nice, but don't put yourself through a three-weeker ever again.

vixsatis Mon 15-Apr-13 09:09:11

Mine dislikes me so much that she doesn't visit. I can live with that.

My mother's visits need limiting to three days. Beyond that they become a threat both to my sanity and my marriage

hackmum Mon 15-Apr-13 08:19:08

To quote an old saying - house guests are like fish, both stink after five days.

ivanapoo Mon 15-Apr-13 08:17:45

WTF did she mean by that? Maybe she forgot to add "the bedding in our room, my pelvic floor's buggered"?

Maybe your "change" should be refusing to host them!

My MIL is nice in many ways but is a horrendous snob (she met a lovely couple on a cruise but they turned out to be a cleaner and a gardener so she couldn't possibly have stayed friends with them back home), and guilt trips her children something rotten, complaining she never sees them to the point of tears (she expects a visit every weekend), sulking when it's time to go home, making passive agrressive "ivana doesn't like visiting us clearly" comments within earshot yet saying she can't visit us as it clashes with her tennis lessons. hmm

MyShoofly Mon 15-Apr-13 03:07:38

wow, I can't believe you managed to not tell her to fuck off. That is absurd - I hope you DH gives her a piece of his mind. So I now vote that your in-laws stay at a hotel in the future.

NotSoNervous Sun 14-Apr-13 19:21:15

I vote half an hour. Even though I don't see her at all anymore seems as I'm the evil DIL. We use to get on great

How rude!! I presume you told your DH. What did he say?

Wow the incredible rudeness! What happened to "thank you for having me to stay!?"

Fuck her then, no way would she be getting back in my home after making that comment. And there would be no way I would be visiting her.

If you are even considering that you are a better person than me.

Frescolita Sun 14-Apr-13 18:20:53

Sooo..ILs left today. Was about to be really sad and miss them loads, but then at the airport my MIL just couldn't resist making one final interfering comment. How many MILs hug their son's wives goodbye amd whisper in their ear "you need to change (personality, not clothes)"? The tears in my eyes suddenly dried up with that one. So she doesnt like me, and I don't like her, but don't spoil what was nearly a nice moment! Can breathe again now til xmas. Whoopee!

MyShoofly Wed 10-Apr-13 19:47:41

Anything over 3 weeks and its not a visit anymore IMO - after that they should be pitching in for groceries and helping out full on. Mine stayed last summer for two months and it was definately a month and a half too long to be good for our relationship.

BeaLola Wed 10-Apr-13 19:41:04

You must be a saint thanks + wine

A week of my MIL would be too much.

I am lucky in that she is nice (ish) & doesn't interfere but I find her hard work & I am ashamed of myself for saying so but that is the truth. The only thing I have in common with her is that I married her son. When she comes to stay she shows little interest in only GC , does nothing & always looks like she disapproves of something, but doesn't say anything. I have tried but I have given up - only good thing is that we only see her about 3-4 times a year .

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 10-Apr-13 19:20:56

My parents (who I love) generally stay for a week max. Longer than that they are going spare with the kids and I'm itching to get my home back. And that's my own parents. Having said that they visit quite a number of times per year - if it was an annual visit I might think differently.

My MIL now lives about 30 mins away making visiting little and often a more viable and attractive option.

Who was it said "Houseguests are like fish; they smell after 3 day"? grin

Euphemia Wed 10-Apr-13 19:19:48

We don't have guests ever. Not ever.

DH can't tolerate his mother or my father. At all! smile

Euphemia Wed 10-Apr-13 19:18:02

require me to be clothed at all times

grin

How fucking unreasonable can they get?!

grin

For relatives you don't get on with that well, I reckon living about an hour away is optimum.

Too close for any unannounced visits (unless you're Miaow's MIL).

Not far enough for anyone to need to stay overnight, and if you work at it you can get away with an afternoon visit and no meals.

And then you can not see them for a couple of months because "oh we all live so close, we can see each other any time, oh look 3 months have passed, doesn't time fly".

3 nights, max, even for my best friends.

And never mind guests, it doesn't take long for me to get fed up with the people who live here, either. Dh has spells of working from home and oh, it's so nice when he goes back to the office. And school holidays, aaagh ...

I lay on the living room floor today and listened to the silence. Bliss.

MiaowTheCat Wed 10-Apr-13 18:56:18

snowflakepie I thought I'd do the same with DD2's birth - have a "no one is staying in a hotel twiddling their thumbs for a fortnight waiting for me to push" deal going and get a week or so before the visits started (MIL rolled in mid-birth with DD1)... went into early labour, and suddenly mysteriously (I strongly believe my mother - who is more difficult than MIL but who DD1 knows better and who lives nearer to us so was watching her -rang her and tipped her off) MIL is "just passing by your house and going to pop in overnight" in an email to us the same day.

They don't even live ON the UK mainland to BE just passing by! Sooo pissed they basically did that to us to get to do what THEY wanted and not a thought for what WE wanted (I was unpacking hospital bags in the kitchen post-discharge and they showed up and ignored me totally playing grannyzilla).

Then she gives us a card saying "thank you for giving ME a wonderful grandchild" - me me me me me... I hit the roof at that point (thankfully after they'd left)

idiuntno57 Wed 10-Apr-13 18:26:01

mine lives too close to stay but ideally I'd stick to enough time to have a cup of tea (got to be polite) and then wave goodbye for a month or two.

Shame I don't live in an ideal world grin

Snowflakepie Wed 10-Apr-13 18:24:26

2 nights at the most. I like my in-laws a lot, they are kind, generous and adore my DD. But they take up too much space, expect to be entertained and require me to be clothed at all times, shut the bathroom door and not do any washing as I have nowhere to dry it if they are in the spare room unless the sun is out, which is not often. I am 30 weeks pg and need to do my own thing, but actually this was the case even before. The biggest issue is only having 1 bathroom and toilet, which makes things very hard if DH has to be out for work, DD preschool, me wanting to look halfway decent all in a short time, plus visitors. Recently they stayed an extra night owing to the weather (which I completely understood, I wouldn't have wanted them to travel when there was no need) but I was climbing the walls for that extra evening and morning. Danced a little dance when they finally left, and then got the washing on.

I have even written some visitor guidelines for when DC2 arrives as I am not putting up with the open-ended visits we suffered through with DD. To me it is even more important that I do things my way this time. Whether I will have the guts to implement them is another issue. But there's just not the space in our house for visitors and a newborn, especially in the stressful early days. Once DD is out at preschool I will want to be able to relax and rest when I can, and not have to be at their beck and call as well. I can't sleep with the TV on in another room, and I don't want DDs routine disrupted any more than it needs to be. So they will be sitting about getting in my way, not helping at all. No thanks.

I should add, this all applies to my own parents too. I like my own space, simple.

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