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To think 13 yo is too young for sex

(39 Posts)
Loislane78 Wed 10-Apr-13 11:27:05

So i was watching US Supernanny yesterday. It transpired that a 13 yo boy had condoms in his room and later admitted to his parents he was sexually active.

There seemed to follow a couple of chats with his parents about the 'dangers' namely pg, STIs and a bit about emotions but I was naively a bit surprised tbh. As a newish mum it got me thinking what i'd do in this situation. Obviously 13 yos have been known to have sex but it seemed v par for the course for this kid, who (to me at least) looked older than his age.

The parents seemed calm which I guess is good as hitting the roof wouldn't achieve much but I was thinking who is the other party - a 13 yo girl which for some reason I find even worse. The parents didn't (seem) to say anything about the legalities of the situation or talk about who his partner was. Perhaps that bit wasn't aired. Would you try to find out? Tell the girls parents? Tell his friends parents?

But Holly what would be your generalisation for teen boys?

I think theres some truth in what you say for a certain group but not for all.

HollyBerryBush Wed 10-Apr-13 12:37:31

Teenaged boys? Hmm well, they don't tend to drop into my office and give me chapter and verse of their sex lives I'm afraid. Which, with some of the stuff the girls tell me, is a relief.

Most boys, I think, would like to be 'a player' but in reality it's all bravado. most boys aren't sexually active until a little older. That in its self shows that the ages within relationships are unequal eg 13yo girl/15yo boy thus the girl is effectively being exploited again even if she gives of the air of being promiscuous or precocious.

loopylou6 Wed 10-Apr-13 12:38:37

I found out my 13 ( 14 in a couple of weeks ) year old ds has lost his virginity the other day, he certainly isn't short of love and affection, has both parents at home, and a very close relationship with his grandparents.

SneezingwakestheJesus Wed 10-Apr-13 12:39:03

YANBU to think its too young for sex. I feel uncomfortable when I read or hear people sayings its okay if its consensual between two 13 year olds or two 14 year olds or those close in age. It completely ignores the fact that they are not fully developed emotionally or mature enough to understand fully what they are consenting to.

Pregnantandhorny Wed 10-Apr-13 12:42:47

I was sexually active from 12 though not piv sex at that point. Do I regret it? No. Would I do the same again? Possibly. Was I mature enough? I was mature enough to know that I wasn't mature enough to cope with a baby and therefore to steer clear of full intercourse.

Branleuse Wed 10-Apr-13 12:54:49

In reality though, theyre consenting to something that makes them feel really nice.

Sexuality is promoted everywhere, sex is promoted. PLUS it feels pretty damn good, both physically, and yes, it makes people feel wanted and validated too (rightly or wrongly)

I think understanding what will make kids want to have sex, and warning them of the downsides and risks but not pretending that theyre not going to want it and possibly seek it out.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 10-Apr-13 12:54:53

YANBU. I waited till I was 16 which probably makes me a geek. Whilst I don't regret my first encounter I wish I'd waited til 18 ...I certainly wasn't ready for the emotional aspects of sex and would have avoided a few shite relationships.

Step Wed 10-Apr-13 14:33:29

Phew thank goodness for late puberty in our two older ones!

kerala Wed 10-Apr-13 14:33:48

I used to be a family solicitor a parent allowing a 13 year old to have sex at home was one of the grounds the local authority used for taking a child into care.

Lueji Wed 10-Apr-13 14:35:50

Not sure how are parents supposed to prevent their children from having sex. hmm

Kendodd Wed 10-Apr-13 14:40:19

I started a thread about staggering the age of consent recently.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1722919-To-think-the-age-of-consent-should-be-raised-to-18

Most people didn't seem to think it was a good idea.

lljkk Wed 10-Apr-13 14:52:44

I remember being extremely embarrassed that I was a 13yo virgin. I thought I would die, actually DIE, if I had to wait until 16 (ended up being a few yrs later, even).

I think a TV programme can't really cover all the nuances, OP.

I don't like to see normal human behaviour criminalised (13yos wanting to have sex with other 13yos is within the normal range).

Hulababy Wed 10-Apr-13 14:56:17

I have never yet met a 13y child, in this country, who is really emotionally mature enough to be having a sexual relationship.

I worked in secondary schools for over 10 years and met a lot of children, some more mature than others, some more worldly wise than others. Some were having sex at this age.

But not one of those 13y were really of an age where they should have been comtemplating sex.

13y is still a child.

Lueji Wed 10-Apr-13 14:59:13

In fact, when I ran a young teenagers' group at Church, I obviously told them that it was best not to have sex outside of marriage and the reasons why. But, should they choose to do it, then to protect themselves.

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