To tell DD to get changed?

(44 Posts)
LizzyMcGuire Wed 10-Apr-13 08:11:44

I feel a bit mean.

She's nearly 9. She has a 'unique' sense of style. And usually I let her get on with it.

But this morning she came down with a baggy batwing pale pink t shirt and blue floral leggings. I told her that the top and leggings were lovely but that together they looked a bit like pjs.

So she went up and put on a beautiful top with butterfilies and roses. Same horrible leggings.

I must have made a face because she said, 'what?' when she came down. I explained that again, the top was beautiful but the trousers spoilt it a bit, and why didn't she put on some nice plain trousers, or a skirt.

She's stamped off upstairs now, complaining. And shouting that they DO match, they both have roses on.

I should add that her Aunt (my SIL) spoils her rotten with clothes so very few of the items in her wardrobe are things I woudl choose.

Do I just need to back off? I feel like I'm turning into my mother. But between DS1 only wanting to wear the same pair of ripped jeans and DD looking like a dodgy backing singer from the 80s I feel I need to steer them.

AIBU?

wigglesrock Wed 10-Apr-13 08:16:50

Steer her towards what? Better fashion choices. I wouldn't worry, she's only 8. She's picking what she likes best.

I have 3 daughters - younger than yours. Some days I'm just delighted the 5 year old deigns to wear clothes smile

Sirzy Wed 10-Apr-13 08:18:54

As long as its not massively inappropriate let them wear what they want

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Wed 10-Apr-13 08:20:28

what harm is she doing? You should see what costumes my eight year old wears.

MummyPig24 Wed 10-Apr-13 08:20:32

I'd just let her wear what she likes. As long as it is weather appropriate I don't see the problem.

Alligatorpie Wed 10-Apr-13 08:22:17

I gave up trying influence my strong willed daughter' dress sense when she was 4. I pick my battles.

JambalayaCodfishPie Wed 10-Apr-13 08:24:04

If you're not going anywhere special, I'd just leave her to it. smile

CSIJanner Wed 10-Apr-13 08:26:02

^ What MummyPig said ^

I think YABU does it really natter? If dd wants to wear her lion costume that's fine by me. What will you be like when she's 15 and goes through a goth/punk stage?

LookingThroughTheFog Wed 10-Apr-13 08:36:02

Save the fight for another time when it actually matters, like when you're taking her out for an event. At that point, I'd recommend saying 'Oo, can we pick your outfit together! Let's look at your lovely clothes'.

The rest of the time, let her be 'unique'. It's actually a nice thing.

(Though I feel for you - my daughter's garment of choice is a hot-pink sequinned skirt. I loathe it as much as she loves it.)

ExcuseTypos Wed 10-Apr-13 08:40:01

My dd2 was the same, an "imaginative" dresser. I just let her get on with it. Unless she's underdressed I think it can really affect their confidence if someone is constantly telling a child that their clothes choice isn't good and making them change.

Dd is 19 now, she has a fantastic sense of style, and often gets comments on it. It's part of who she is, so I'm glad I didn't squash it!

floatyflo Wed 10-Apr-13 10:05:35

Wow. My second biscuit in two days hmm

edwardsmum11 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:08:11

Leave her alone... yabu

MadBraLady Wed 10-Apr-13 10:13:23

a baggy batwing pale pink t shirt and blue floral leggings

Sounds very much like some of the funkier 18/19 year olds I see every day dress TBH. She'll have years and years and fucking years to wear matchy, stylish, don't-frighten-the-horses things from Jigsaw. If you can't have fun with clothes when you're eight, when can you.

I think you need to think about why this bothers you. Do you think people will judge your parenting abilities, or your stylishness, on the basis of what your 8-year-old wears? Do you think people will be juding her harshly for looking like an 8-year-old and not an adult?

What harm does it do to you or her (in your imagination) if you let her go out of the house in a set of clothes that don't go together very well from an adult perspective?

I don't think you should "steer" her to change from her own taste to yours. That is a way of telling her that she just isn't good enough, that her preferences are less valid and less valuable than yours.

Maybe that's what your mother did, and you now lack confidence to be your own person? If you feel you are "turning into your mother" then that's what I think is at play here. Take a deep breath, recognise that this is about delaing with your own insecurity, and let her wear what she wants.

The only times I think its reasonable to intervene is if the clothes are massively wrong for the weather, or for a limited range of situations like funerals where a certain amount of conformity is probably good to not hurt other people's feelings.

LizzyMcGuire Wed 10-Apr-13 10:22:05

It doesn't really bother me most of the time. And yes, my own mother did this to me all the time so I went off and was a shaven headed, tattooed, heavily pierced grunger by the time I was sixteen.

It's just, she's so beautiful. And I do harbour fantasies of taking my beautiful well dressed only daughter out for the day instead of my beautiful-but-interestingly-attired daughter.

Sigh.

CrazyOldCatLady Wed 10-Apr-13 10:23:46

I'd leave her to it and let her develop her own fashion sense. My mother insisted on choosing my clothes till my late teens and it led to nothing but friction and embarrassment, and it took mer most of my twenties to get up the courage to go into a clothes shop on my own!

DeskPlanner Wed 10-Apr-13 10:24:48

YABU. Leave the girl and her "style" alone.

Booyhoo Wed 10-Apr-13 10:30:20

why does it matter whether her clothes match? she is 8. give her the freedom now to experiment and find her own style and you will be in for a far easier ride when she is a teen.

btw. beautiful is a matter of opinion. what might look like a beautiful outfit to you might look hideaous to lots of other people. jsut let her pick her own clothes she wont come to any harm because she doesn't 'match'

Jo2508 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:30:53

My dd (9 this week) is exactly the same. Sometimes her 'outfits' give me a headache or make me want to put on a pair of sunglasses - think stripes, patterns, clashing colours all in one go, but in her mind they 'go' together and she is not embarrassed to go out wearing them, so I have learnt to smile and say 'yes, that looks lovely'...
I actually like the fact that she really doesn't care how she might look to other people - I don't know how much longer that will last, so I think you should enjoy your dd's 'unique' style and take lots of photos to embarrass her when she's older!

LizzyMcGuire Wed 10-Apr-13 10:34:00

Oh by the way I am not exactly a paragon of style and grace myself, I am a vision in vest, jeans and trainers hmm.

I woudl just like to live vicariously through my baby girl. She has a wardrobe full of pretty tops and naice trousers and insists on wearing One Direction t-shirts and jeggings <cries>

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Wed 10-Apr-13 10:36:03

My five year old DD has just started dressing herself and inwardly I despair when she shows me her 'outfit' but have learnt to smile and say you look lovely unless we are going out somewhere special as it is just not worth the hassle! We have sorted out clothes together and agreed on 'house clothes' and 'going out' clothes, which helps. She just wants to express herself. The 30 hair clips she seems to wear along with her whole collection of headbands at a time is driving me insane but I just try to laugh it off!! Her fave outfit is sparkly tights, pj short bottoms, a jumper style top and a shocking pink jacket! Honestly just try to chill, I know it's hard, I remember when she was 2 and she wore lovely dresses with frilly socks and sandals, can't imagine she will ever wear frilly socks again < sob > wink

MadBraLady Wed 10-Apr-13 10:36:49

And I do harbour fantasies of taking my beautiful well dressed only daughter out for the day instead of my beautiful-but-interestingly-attired daughter.

God, sorry OP but that is a bit sad. I really hope she doesn't pick that up.

Added to which, I'm not sure you even understand what these clothes signify. Go and stand in Topshop Oxford Circus, you'll see dozens of teens wearing this kind of thing. It's just one form of basic young street fashion. You're talking as if she's decided to wear a suit of armour and a tweed jacket or something.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Wed 10-Apr-13 10:39:50

They learn in their own time besides, it is good not to be a sheep when it comes to a sense of self. Let them go with it.

lljkk Wed 10-Apr-13 10:49:29

Some people will think she's all the more beautiful for being unique. smile
Hate to say, sounds like you've definitely acquired your Ma's tastes.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now