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To be concerned my friend seemed pissed off after I looked after her DD?

(237 Posts)
AuntFini Tue 09-Apr-13 15:51:37

I took my friend's DD (23 months) out for the day today to give my friend a chance to prepare for her parents and siblings visiting for the week. I have no kids.

We went to a farm and I took her for lunch, and after 4 hours went back to meet my friend at the coach station where she was meeting family. By this point her DD was asleep in her car seat in my car, exhausted. My friends asked where her DD was and I said asleep and she seemed really cross. She moved her DD (still sleeping, in carseat) to her car, got in and left.

I'm left feeling a bit confused as to what I've done on this one!

Plomino Thu 11-Apr-13 09:41:38

Wow! I can't believe you've been so restrained ! My text back would have read 'fuck off you terrible cunt . Hun . '

BTW , my oldest two still fall asleep on any car journey over 20 mins . They're 13 and 15 . But you can take them out if you wish , I won't even make you feed them !

Squitten Wed 10-Apr-13 22:46:05

OMG! Your friend is a total cow! If she knew anything about children herself, she'd be aware that when a child wants to sleep, especially in a car, there's naff all you can do about it!

Glad you stood up for yourself and definitely keep your distance from that one and come and be my friend!

Bearbehind Wed 10-Apr-13 22:43:58

What a selfish cow! So she wanted her daughter to sleep on the way out with you so you got the grumpy, just woken up shift and she got the sweetness and light shift when her daughter came back.

I do hope you tell her where to go if she dares to call on your services again!

SweetSeraphim Wed 10-Apr-13 22:37:47

Good lord, there are some cunts about, aren't there?

Every parent knows a toddler will fall asleep in the car after a busy day out, it's normal. She is just being vile.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 10-Apr-13 14:14:41

I've just read this thread and I'm utterly shock about your 'friend'.
I'd be so tempted to send her a copy of the whole thread.
And you sound lovely Op.

Eeeeeowwwfftz Wed 10-Apr-13 14:08:10

OP - add us to your list of clients too.

If you need any further perspective - which you probably don't by now - it's difficult to time things "right" with your own child when you're with them for only part of the day, let alone someone else's. Our 2yo spends the odd morning with the childminder on the day that I'm at home so I can get stuff done. Even though we'll have a chat about whether he's slept, what he's eaten, etc, it's still very difficult to know when he'll be winding down for a(nother) nap or will be raring to go. The signals are much easier to read if you've been in each other's company all day, know exactly what was eaten and when, when he was last active etc. I almost always find that a nap happens when I least expect it. E.g., I make arrangements to meet for a coffee and he immediately decides to do a 2hr nap. Or he looks tired so I try and settle him down and he decides he really wants to be running around in the park. So certainly don't feel you should have "known"...

Personally, I'd be minded to send an invoice.

GreyWhites Wed 10-Apr-13 11:57:41

I would just like to join with everyone else here to say that, as someone who does have children, I do not understand your friend's vile behaviour either. I would be overjoyed to have a trusted friend take care of my DS for the day. I certainly wouldn't expect them to be able to keep him to his usual schedule (even if I did brief them about it beforehand which it sounds like your friend didn't).

For instance this week my parents looked after DS for the morning whilst I went out to do some things. They knew he needed a morning nap but didn't manage to get him to sleep. I was totally fine about this, kids don't always work to a schedule, and especially when they're not in their usual routine or with different people. I definitely would never in a million years assume a friend had failed to feed a child in their care. If I even suspected they might, I'd never have left my child with them in the first place.

IN brief: YANBU. Your friend is a total and utter cow.

clam Wed 10-Apr-13 11:33:49

I'd love to know how she manages to stop her child from sleeping in the car, particularly after a busy day out. My two were invariably asleep on a trip to Tesco, before we even got to the end of the road. In fact, they're now teenagers, and still drop off on car journeys!

JollyPurpleGiant Wed 10-Apr-13 11:30:06

Mad! If someone has my DS (only ever my mother, really) I give clear instructions if there is anything that would piss me off. If I haven't given clear instructions then it is my fault for not making the position clear.

If you want to come and take my nearly 2 year old out for the day then please feel free, OP. NE Scotland might be a bit of a trek for you though!

Oblomov Wed 10-Apr-13 11:16:30

The woman is an ungrateful loon.
As agreed, every baby and child falls asleep from a day out at park/legoland/etc at aged 2 mths or aged 11 and 3/4.
And trying to keep a tired baby from falling asleep is nigh on impossible and tiring to you, so most of us give up on that one after a few attempts.

JambalayaCodfishPie Wed 10-Apr-13 11:02:34

Genuinely don't understand how people can fail to appreciate such a good friend when they have one.

What sort of self centred world must they inhabit?

SarahAndFuck England Wed 10-Apr-13 10:51:55

She should understand that pretty much every toddler sleeps in the car on the way back from a busy day out.

There's not much you can do about it.

She was rude and ungrateful and patronising.

noclue2000 Wed 10-Apr-13 10:49:15

She's a twunt.

What To Do If Your Toddler Falls Asleep Late Afternoon:

1. Let them sleep.
2. Wake them up.
3. Do whatever you do in the evening.
4. Take them to bed with you.

Problem solved.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 10-Apr-13 10:44:23

'Oh no, I sorry I'm not a mum so I don't have a clue' grin grin

Love it. Please say that, OP.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb Wed 10-Apr-13 10:43:12

It's arrogant of her to think that she is doing you a favour by letting you look after her pfb! When I am lucky enough to have someone look after my DS I tell them to do what they want, feed him what they want and no worries if he falls asleep. I deal with the fall out afterwards if there is any. And as for DH, what a condescending shit, I do have children and I still don't understand their shitty and ungrateful attitude

YouTheCat Wed 10-Apr-13 10:36:34

At least if she asks you again (and I think she will when it suits her) you can just say 'Oh no, I sorry I'm not a mum so I don't have a clue' or you could just tell her to piss right off of course.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 10-Apr-13 10:33:32

'you would understand if you had your own'. What a snide passive-aggressive comment. And interesting that she has to attribute it to her DH as well – doesn't even have the guts to make her own comments, eh?

OP, you obviously have a healthy amount of self-respect and emotional literacy to know that you weren't in the wrong and to ask her for an apology.

So are you going to reply if/when she contacts you again? I can't believe her cheek saying 'so I'll see you soon hun'!

and they were visiting for the week as well - not like it was just the afternoon and they wouldn't have another chance!!!

onward - it's not closed, is it?
food gets from the mouth done the food pipe in to the stomach and into the bowl.
there must be a route for the head to take.

shocking.
sad

I can't believe she expected you to magically know that she wanted her DD awake on arrival.

and how the hell do you keep a child/toddler awake in the car after a day out?! confused

I'm at a loss!

then she woke up hungry and crying? did she wake up naturally, or did the mum force her to wake so she could be the little doll/entertainer for her family?
since when did family getting to play with the child become more important than the child's needs?
of course she woke up hungry and crying!

The woman is a complete loon.

and she definitely stepped over the line actually more like ran over it with no regard for the line when she was so very rude to you!
"when you have kids you'll understand" hmm
yep, just like all the mums on 215 messages (bar one or two) obviously don't understand either.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Wed 10-Apr-13 10:10:19

grin onward Good point. You've obviously given it more thought than us. grin

I knew what he meant though

AnyoneforTurps Wed 10-Apr-13 10:04:26

PS I'd email her the link to this thread.

Then delete her contact details.

AnyoneforTurps Wed 10-Apr-13 10:00:16

Agree with everyone else. The only thing that you should be worried about is that you have a crap friend. I <<<forbid you>>> on pain of execution by MN firing squad from apologising to her.

I am particularly shock that she actually had the cheek to complain in a text. I can just about excuse being a bit moody at the time if she is very sleep-deprived but anyone with the slightest sense would have realised that she was BU and apologised immediately, not complained.

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