To not go on holiday with DPs friends

(18 Posts)
DragonAnchor Tue 09-Apr-13 10:35:10

Argh don't know what to do
DPs friends are organising a villa holiday this summer and he's eager to go. Our DCs all of similar ages - 2-5 - and he thinks it's great for them all to hang out together

That's true and I'm sure DS would have a blast.

But we had a weekend away with them last autumn and I spent a lot of it feeling shite

Competitive parenting, competitive 'look how well mannered my DC are, competitive 'how easily I sneezed out my babies' stories, competitive extended bf-ing, competitive relaxed parenting that wasn't really relaxed at all if you get me

I will say I feel like a failure in a lot of these areas - DS isn't badly behaved but doesn't sleep as well as their lot and isn't a great eater. He was emcs and I couldn't bf due to medication. A lot of issues might be mine but there was a definite feeling of 'look how easy this parenting lark is" eg when DS was refusing anything except bread, and I stupidly asked one 'do you ever get this?' Her reply was 'oh no, DD loves everything, I think it's cos we BLW' FUCK OFF!

I left that weekend feeling utterly shit about myself and I think a week could push me over the edge, but I know DP and DS would love it

What to do!?

squeakytoy Tue 09-Apr-13 10:50:01

"Competitive parenting, competitive 'look how well mannered my DC are, competitive 'how easily I sneezed out my babies' stories, competitive extended bf-ing, competitive relaxed parenting that wasn't really relaxed at all if you get me"

all sounds like an average day on mumsnet really.. grin

rockinhippy Tue 09-Apr-13 10:55:05

YADNBU - My DH has friends who go off on mass for holidays, similar age DCs to us too & I do get on okay with them & can tolerate short camping breaks, but there is no way hell would you get me to join them on their proper en mass non stop piss up & bitch about everyone, we are so superior, lets pick holes in everyone else so they don't notice how crap we really are holiday

MintyyAeroEgg Tue 09-Apr-13 10:58:17

Could dp go on his own with ds and you do your own thing? Or would this have to be your main family holiday for the year?

Presumably you have told your dp how the previous holiday made you feel ... what does he say?

shrimponastick Tue 09-Apr-13 10:59:51

YANBU.

But you could always go and just drink lots of wine.

I don't think you will enjoy the holiday - so just say that you want to do something else this summer, and will consider it next year?

WilsonFrickett Tue 09-Apr-13 11:01:12

Is there anyway you could have separate accommodation? Eg book adjoining apartments rather than a villa? That way you get some space and DS/DP also get to hang out with the other kids.

shrimponastick Tue 09-Apr-13 11:21:28

I was going to suggest the same as wilsonfrickett.

You will still be spending a good amount of time together though - unless you make strict rules first about days out/nights/meals etc.

Oh you have to go op. it could make for a classic 'live' thread. And know we're all on your side.

Although obviously you never mn when your children are awake do you? I'm constantly playing with mine and twigs and leaves and stuff. (They don't do plastic toys)

DoJo Tue 09-Apr-13 11:31:14

People can only engage in competitive parenting if you compete - presumably you don't feel as though you're doing such a bad job the rest of the year, so why let yourself get sucked in on a holiday? I'm sure the good folks of mumsnet can help you to come up with a few choice phrases which will help to deflect any feelings of being 'worse' than the other children such as 'Mine are such party animals - they hate being asleep and missing out on the action.' Apart from anything, a lot can happen in six months and their children may no longer be the little angels that they once seemed.
If you really can't face it then just be honest with your DP, after all you aren't parenting alone and shouldn't feel as though you are coming under attack on your holiday.

DragonAnchor Tue 09-Apr-13 11:32:28

Oh a live thread- that just cheered me up

Last year it would have read

DW1: look how well hector holds the ball, I think his hand eye coordination is down to all that BLW
DW2: oh bless you're making spaghetti hoops for DS. Out DS just eats what we do. Which is usually something simple like, I don't know, artichoke fritters with calamari and celeriac mash

You need to come up with some retorts, we can help
Mine have double helixes in a spicy tomato sauce on griddled ciabatta
(Posh spaghetti hoops on toast)

Q : Does your DP actually know about what a shite time you had last time?

A : No - then you need to tell him about it.
-or-
A : Yes - then he's an idiot to think you'd eant to subject yourself to that again.

eant = want

FrenchJunebug Tue 09-Apr-13 12:46:01

when they start trying to compete with you, just smile and say "well done you. I am very happy for you" and live it at that. They'll soon tired of it if there is no escalation of competitiveness.

FrenchJunebug Tue 09-Apr-13 12:46:30

'leave' not 'live'

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Tue 09-Apr-13 12:56:31

I wouldn't want to go on a holiday with people like that either. I do have a couple of friends who are like that, but I see them in small doses and wouldn't want to spend a week in a villa with them. They say similar things to the ones that DragonAnchor posted.

If you do go, I second the suggestions of not getting drawn into it. Just smile and nod, "oh that's great, well done to him". Be vague if they ask you any questions about your parenting or about what your child is able to do.

Callisto Tue 09-Apr-13 13:01:25

Were they actually competing or were they in fact just droning on a bit about their children? It sounds like you're very insecure tbh, so anyone who isn't having a shite time of it with their children could come across as being 'better' than you.

I don't think you should go either, it sounds like you'll hate it and your friends will know and wonder why you hate being with them.

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