to object to being called a dick

(188 Posts)
Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:34

Apparently i was being a dick, as in i did something to upset my OH. He told me to shut up, then he called me a dick. I objected so he shouted SHUT UP YOU DICK! in my face. A big row eventually happened. Am i oversensitive? Does your OH say this to you? Even now when i say he shouldn't have called me it he says..don't be a dick then. If someone at work or in a social situation annoyed him i very much doubt he would shout SHUT UP DICK in their face so AIBU to find it unnacceptable???

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 00:04:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flojobunny Mon 08-Apr-13 00:05:25

OP and DP don't need counselling. From your drip feed OP I can see you are in an abusive relationship and need to get out. This man is vile. He has no respect for you. Why are you still with him?
If a guy called me a dick, I wouldn't be too concerned, if he shouted in my face he'd have another chance to modify that behaviour but all those vile things about the CSA and your ex, his feet wouldn't touch the ground.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 08-Apr-13 00:06:43

I have been with DH for 18 yrs, married for 15 and he has never spoken to me like this (nor I to him). He cares about my feelings and doesn't want to hurt me, even when I am being a dick. I don't like the sound of your partner at all, I'm sure you can and will find someone better. Wishing you well.

MTSgroupie Mon 08-Apr-13 00:11:30

Annie - Why the double standards? The OP got into the face of her DP. I suspect that she doesn't do that with friends or colleagues either.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 00:14:21

Not meaning to drip feed FloJo i thought i would just ask a simple AIBU but it isn't that simple really...and that was a classic drip feed, sorry guys

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 08-Apr-13 00:15:18

OP's partner sounds like he may be, um easily upset, MTS and also a complete dick hmm

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 00:28:26

It is a kind of cycle...We have a very complicated past which he constantly throws in my face and berates me for. He becomes pretty verbally abusive during these times,saying a lot of vile things. He dismisses things i have told him in the past as bullshit. He says the truth is not abuse and i deserve it and should show that i am ashamed of myself.???..As my actions have hurt him more than any words he could say.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 00:30:37

And thanks BeerTricks

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 00:31:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 08-Apr-13 00:34:40

Break the cycle. Lots of posters here recommend the Freedom programme, I have heard you can do it free online. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Everything is your fault as far as he is concerned, right? Then turn him loose so he can be happy, or mistreat someone else, more like. You will get a lot of support on here from people who have got out of abusive relationships, do keep posting. flowers

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 00:53:28

Thanks all...during the last spat i shouted back at him too, and slammed a door after he had gone through it when he said some horrible stuff that he later admitted was rubbish just to upset me ..though no apology for that. Each time this happens i am getting more angry and involved in the row. He reckons this time i was "cowering" and he is actually really annoyed about this. He says i was acting like he beats me and i need to understand how insulting this action is. I was feeling really panicky, a reaction to the past ex, not at all to him. Being in a confrontation actually made me freak out..like something terrible was going to happen, I explained this and he reckons i am selectively using the past??? and he is not "allowed" to. Right now he is blanking me because my "cowering" has so greatly upset him....what do you make of this...?

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 00:56:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hopkinette Mon 08-Apr-13 00:57:42

Just leave. This isn't going to improve.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Mon 08-Apr-13 00:58:50

this Knowing your history, he should take better care of you and consider your feelings, not use the fact that you have been abused against you.

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 00:59:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MTSgroupie - not sure what double standards you're referring to. I saw nothing in the OP to indicate she had yelled at her partner.

ThereGoesTheYear Mon 08-Apr-13 01:05:44

What a vile, stupid man. He is making no sense, and simply picking random things (about you, things that have happened to you) to justify his aggression and anger. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. It sounds like an awful way to live. I think the only way to deal with this is to get rid of him.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:06:43

It is all screwed up..he feels i was "acting" scared to make him feel bad...or that i am making him feel guilty for the actions of the ex..

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 01:08:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My simple standard for these situations is: does he make your life better for being in it; does he buoy you up or weigh you down? If he is not contributing positively to your happiness, why allow him to remain in your life? Only you can answer that.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:12:33

I guess it is...he ended up extremely angry and pulling a fist back..enraged by my cowering and kept shouting stop playing the victim, i am not him...

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 01:14:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:19:02

Annie he might buoy me up more if i let him, i keep my emotional distance from him because of these episodes. So he really does put a lot more effort into our relationship than i do. I think i am getting to the point of realising this cycle won't end.

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