to object to being called a dick

(188 Posts)
Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:34

Apparently i was being a dick, as in i did something to upset my OH. He told me to shut up, then he called me a dick. I objected so he shouted SHUT UP YOU DICK! in my face. A big row eventually happened. Am i oversensitive? Does your OH say this to you? Even now when i say he shouldn't have called me it he says..don't be a dick then. If someone at work or in a social situation annoyed him i very much doubt he would shout SHUT UP DICK in their face so AIBU to find it unnacceptable???

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 07-Apr-13 21:34:51

YANBU.

What is it exactly that you did, to deem being called a dick?

AnAirOfHope Sun 07-Apr-13 21:40:45

Its vibal abuse.

Noone should have to put up with name calling, insults and aggression in a relationship.

Maggie111 Sun 07-Apr-13 21:51:21

My DH and I do not swear at each other in heat - a line not to cross. But that's our own personal rules, and I have called him a dick in jest and semi serious jest. He said "Don't be a bitch" - to which I said, hang on, let's stop. I can understand why you said that but don't you ever dare say that to me again. It is not acceptable and let's not get personal.

The fact that he is arguing it's ok to shout anything in your face is pretty poor. He should be apologising. Even if you were being a dick

Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 21:56:32

I can't even remember what i had done specifically...rather a very long list of things I imagine.

WafflyVersatile Sun 07-Apr-13 21:59:20

Dick is a fairly mild rebuke, I think. If you were being a dick anyway.

If my DH ever screamed anything in my face I would be wondering very hard as to whether our relationship had a future. You need to talk about boundaries and perhaps counselling.

VeremyJyle Sun 07-Apr-13 22:00:27

I think it depends if it upsets YOU. If my DH called me a dick it would wash straight over me as we call eachother similar names all the time (twat, prick, dick, knob etc) I just draw the line at explicit insults (bitch, bastard etc) even in arguments I won't stand for them. But if those words do upset you then why should you take it? DH used to think it was acceptable to namecall in arguments til I kicked him out every single time he uttered a nasty word in a row grin now he doesn't, we have a mutual respect like that now grin

kinkyfuckery Sun 07-Apr-13 22:02:19

For me, it would be the shouting in my face, rather than the calling me a dick.
Were you acting like a dick?

kotinka Sun 07-Apr-13 22:32:15

yanbu, one step away from getting physical - you need to have a good think about whether this is what you want for your (and kids?) furure.

spiritedaway Sun 07-Apr-13 22:33:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kotinka Sun 07-Apr-13 22:38:13

I can't even remember what i had done specifically...rather a very long list of things I imagine.

do you often feel like this?

Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 23:42:18

Yes...i feel like it every few weeks

Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 23:44:54

If i have any criticism of him he has a million of me, tells me he is very offended and when i apologise he says it doesn't sound real so he doesn't accept it.

Flojobunny Sun 07-Apr-13 23:49:10

Funny how you can remember what HE did wrong but can't remember if u were being a dick or not.

HotCrossPun Sun 07-Apr-13 23:50:07

He is being a dick. Shouting in your face is V aggressive.

Flojobunny Sun 07-Apr-13 23:51:28

He was probably just agitated at your pompous "dont use that tone" type response. If I was really cross and someone was being picky about the words I chose while venting and missed the whole point of what I was saying I'd get even more annoyed.
But the question is where you being a dick? and is it acceptable to YOU?

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 07-Apr-13 23:52:26

It's the shouting in your face I have the biggest problem with. Is this something he does a lot?

MTSgroupie Sun 07-Apr-13 23:52:36

The OP and her DP needs counselling because he got angry and called her a dick???

YANBU. It is never acceptable to shout in someone's face in that way. I don't even care if you were being a dick, he could have pointed out why he felt you were without doing that.

Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 23:55:32

For example this time he told me, in the list, he throws in my CSA mission...telling me he is sick to fuck of it and don't breed with assholes. Also...i was previously in an abusive relationship, again it was my fault cos i "kept fucking him" and should stop playing the victim.

Flojo - where has the OP indicated that she told him not to use any tone? And where do you get the idea that she was pompous? She objected to being told to shut up and being called a dick. These seem valid objections to me.

How is screaming in someone's face ever acceptable? If you don't like how someone is speaking to you or how they are acting, you tell them with words not with yelling, as I am always explaining to my 5yo.

I think you may be in another abusive relationship, Catherine.

MTSgroupie "The OP and her DP needs counselling because he got angry and called her a dick???"

No, the OP and her DP need counselling because of what appears to me to be anger control issues, and because he thinks it's acceptable to scream in her face.

(Aside from sex) if there is any part of the way you and DH treat each other which differs markedly from the way you would treat friends/co-workers/family, and this behaviour would be deemed unacceptable by someone outside your relationship if you treated them the same way, then there are issues that need resolving. Your partner should never bear the brunt of your frustrations and anger. Each partner deserves the same level of respect and civil treatment that other people in their lives receive.

TheSecondComing Mon 08-Apr-13 00:03:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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