To think posting about your pregnancy on social networks is insensitive?

(210 Posts)
ivanapoo Sun 07-Apr-13 18:59:06

I don't mean the odd post here and there, I mean daily or more frequent updates/photos of scans, things you've bought or made for the baby, the "delicious" glass of Appletize you're enjoying, how sick you're feeling, how big your bump is, and so on ad infinitum?

Not only is it more boring than a parking thread on AIBU for all the friends in whose newsfeeds your updates appear, but for many women of childbearing age there's a good chance your peers/friends may be TTC, or unable to conceive, or wishing they had a partner to conceive with.

Almost as bad are the parents who detail every tiny little boring thing their child has done that day. I'm still waiting for someone to Instagram a picture of their baby's shitty nappy.

YABVU. Stop following them or hide their feed. It is not meant as a personal insult and if you find it upsetting, stop reading it.

Theicingontop Sun 07-Apr-13 19:12:15

I have friends who are desperately trying to conceive, and friends who're having their last chance at IVF - but sorry, it would never occur to me to censor myself.

I won't be posting scan pictures or pregnancy related statuses this time, just like I didn't last time, but that's because I don't think it's anyone else's business. I don't see why a woman would be insensitive for doing so, though.

Yes and people who post about their weddings are insensitive because some people aren't married, and people who post that they are cooking are insensitive because some peoples cookers are broken, and people who post about getting their nails done are insensitive because my nails always break.....

I have had more than my fair share of heartache over being pregnant and having babies but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for others.

TryingtobelessChunkyChick Sun 07-Apr-13 19:13:42

All "updates" can be boring/insensitive/pointless to different people, all depending on your POV, yet people still do it. If you don't like social networks, opt out. YABU.

sweetiepie1979 Sun 07-Apr-13 19:14:17

I know exactly what you mean my friend has just had a miscarriage I'm about to announce I'm pregnant and won't be doing via a social network or through my Nct group email which was my original plan because it would be insensitive, instead I'm just telling people as I meet them or phone them etc.?the really boring stuff about what funny little thing your 4 year old said today update and a picture of them eating spag Bol bores me I think those photos and stories are for granny's and family rather thuan friends who have or have not got kids even more boring for people who don't have kids! They've always bored me anyway before and since I have kids.

pictish Sun 07-Apr-13 19:14:42

Yabu - none of us can be responsible for everyone we know's problems, while posting on facebook.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 07-Apr-13 19:16:03

I think there's a balance. I'm now very pregnant after a long time TTC, I have many friends on FB who are struggling with infertility (quite a few who I know through MN). I will post about being pregnant, because I am! and yes, it's at the forefront of my mind. But I try not to make it the only thing I post about. I also try not to whinge too much because I know some people who would do anything to be in my position!

currentbuns Sun 07-Apr-13 19:16:13

Where would you draw the line? If one were to pursue this line of reasoning further, people would be considered "insensitive" if they talked about their new job - because someone else might be unemployed, or to post pictures of a holiday - because others might not be able to afford similar, or of their wedding - because others might be single & lonely etc etc etc

After almost 6 years TTC myself and a couple of MCs I would often get upset when ever I seen another pregnancy announcement on FB. I learnt to just hide the post, or temporarily hide the individual if they persistently posted.
I Did ensure that I gave my congrats where they were due and not resent anyone for their happiness.

I am pleased to say that I am now 41 weeks Pg with DC1 and have posted a few comments or photos on FB relating to our expected DC mainly to keep those I don't see often updated, but also to share our excitement with those who are bothered!

So, I've seen it from both sides, and I have been conscious about the feelings of others, but this is a good thing - I should be allowed to share. smile

nenevomito Sun 07-Apr-13 19:19:03

How do you know how long they've been trying? Had a friend who posted a million times a day when pg and even more now the baby's arrived, but they'd been trying for 15 years before yet another expensive round of IVF finally worked. Couldn't really blame em.

YABU, my DD is going through treatment and just had surgery for PCOS and Endrometreosis (sp), she enjoys sharing the pregnancy's of her friends, as do the family members of the woman posting. It is so easy to hide their posts that consideration for anyone feeling jealous shouldn't be on their mind. They should be able to enjoy their pregnancy to the hilt, it doesn't mean that they will ever have another one just because they got pregnant. The world is full of children, you have to get over any infertility issues to allow those around you to function normally.

OxfordBags Sun 07-Apr-13 19:21:41

YABU. I have physical disabilities - I don't get worked up over friends posting statuses about a great workout or pictures of them running half marathons, etc. Like currentbuns says, everything could be insensitive to others; another example is that I have a friend whose sister recently died and she had an unusual name. Coincidentally, we have a mutual friend with the same unusual name. You could use your argument to say that the friend with the unusual name should name change so as not to 'rub it in' to her grieving pal.

TTC and infertility are terrible; it took me ages to conceive my one and only child, so I do know what it feels like, but the world can't stop turning for one person's private anguish.

specialsubject Sun 07-Apr-13 19:23:03

Don't get this at all. Surely part of growing up is recognising that other people will sometimes have what you can't have. And being happy for them.

Viviennemary Sun 07-Apr-13 19:24:19

YABU. If people want to then it's up to them. Just don't read it if you would rather not.

forgetmenots Sun 07-Apr-13 19:24:53

YABU I'm afraid. I was TTC for over a year and yes reading some updates was painful. Now I'm expecting I don't do it very often. But everyone is entitled to share their pregnancy as they please, if it offends you don't read it or hide it.

For some people, the internet is how they keep in touch with family who are too far away to go and see. When my SIL was pregnant I would have loved to keep meeting up for coffee and getting up the gossip (which I'm sure is boring if you're not very involved!). But she was on the other side of the world. So it was the internet or nothing, really.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 07-Apr-13 19:25:37

OP in the midst of infertility, my experience of Facebook has changed considerably. Or maybe its because facebook is 7 years on now and i feel meh about it. Whilst trying to ttc all of my close friends have conceived and are now on the way to no 2. I don't begrudge their photos, nor do I want to hide them. They all live in far flung places and it keeps us closer. But if I do become pregnant I won't be sharing a scan photo or announcement and I think I would have done if I'd conceived easily. I've walked on the other side now and feel hyper aware of impact. Indeed I rarely status update anymore. If people you know are posting minutiae I don't think yabu to wish they'd shush a bit.

usualsuspect Sun 07-Apr-13 19:27:10

Yabu

NotSoNervous Sun 07-Apr-13 19:27:53

YABU

usualsuspect Sun 07-Apr-13 19:28:03

Although people are insensitive when they post pictures of cake when I haven't got any.

catgirl1976 Sun 07-Apr-13 19:28:37

YABU

That's the whole point of Facebook. It's an on-line journal for people to publish their thoughts, photos and life events.

I can understand it's upsetting when other people are pg and you are ttc, but you might as well say pg women and women with babies should stay indoors in case they upset people who are ttc or cannot have children etc

I do appreciate other peoples children are a bit dull, but you can't change how people feel about their own offspring

There is a 'hide' function and a 'defriend' option

SuffolkNWhat Sun 07-Apr-13 19:30:10

YABU I will be announcing mine shortly and I'll be very sorry if it offends anyone but what they won't know is our issues with secondary infertility and the heartache we've been through to conceive DC2. So I'll announce it where and when I like. FB is easiest as my family and friends are all over the world.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 07-Apr-13 19:30:27

YABU and you know it.

We all struggle with different things and people can't be expected to sensor what they write on facebook for each and every 'friend' they have can they?

I loathe and detest facebook & the like - but people are entitled to post what the hell they like, you can always hide the shite you don't want to see.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 07-Apr-13 19:31:20

Suffolk - CONGRATULATIONS!!! grin

Altinkum Sun 07-Apr-13 19:31:30

YABU, where does it stop if you take this way of thinking...

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