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To ask 9yr old DS to put 2yr old DD to bed so often?

(64 Posts)
NickNacks Sat 06-Apr-13 19:54:37

He's the only one she doesn't scream the bloody house down for.

DD is very much a mummy's girl and when I put her to bed she screams and cries for me to come back and it takes a good 45 minutes to settle her.

With DH she is much the same, still cries for me and DH feels rejected when all she calls for is me when he's being so lovely to her.

DS1 takes her to bed and she's a completely different child. I do her teeth give her a kiss in the hall and he tucks her in, reads her story and leaves! I hear her cheerfully say 'Bye, DS!'

WIBU to ask him to do it a lot for the next few weeks? DH and I will still do it every few nights but if everyone is happy with this? I really don't know!

Euphemia Sat 06-Apr-13 19:56:08

How does DS feel? It sounds like a lovely arrangement to me. smile

Yes YABU. Hes 9. Its not his responsibility.

NickNacks Sat 06-Apr-13 19:57:31

He loves doing it! They're very close and he loves her, always has been very helpful.

Sparklingbrook Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:05

It isn't his responsibility but it's giving you a break. As long as DS is okay with it I don't see a problem.

I agree it's not his responsibility.......but, if he doesn't mind doing it and you use the time saved to spend time doing something nice with him, then maybe if he does it for a few weeks it will break the screaming cycle and you and your OH can do it again.

MrsBombastic Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:42

It's a hard one... if he doesn't mind in theory it's not a problem.

I wonder if your DD genuinly prefers your DS putting her to bed?

Discuss it with your DS, if he's fine with it and genuinly doesn't mind then great, I think there will be obvious issues when he is not there, for example if he stays at a friends over night ect.. maybe you could alternate the nights so that if she goes to bed nicely for mummy, her DB will put her to bed the next night?

Sparklingbrook Sat 06-Apr-13 19:58:59

I would make sure you tell him how grateful you are.

Mrmonkey Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:12

If he is happy to then why not, some children set the table, stack the dishwasher, sort the laundry yours puts his little sister to bed.

SirBoobAlot Sat 06-Apr-13 19:59:47

Think it depends on what your DS thinks about this.

I used to put my younger brother to bed a lot for a similar reason, and when we were both younger as well. He was bottle fed, so I would give him his bottle, read him a story, and put him to bed, I think from when he was around six months old? But as he was older, he wanted me to put him to bed, so it was easier for everyone if I did, including me!

If your DS is happy doing it, and it doesn't start to feel like a chore etc for him, then letting him do it every now and again seems quite nice to me.

candr Sat 06-Apr-13 20:01:17

How does he feel about it? If he is happy then go with it but be prepared for him to turn round and say he doesn't want to one night. You could have DS be the last one to go in and say good night to DD if that keeps her calm after you have done story.

Euphemia Sat 06-Apr-13 20:01:24

There's something nicely old-fashioned about it. smile

Like, 100 years ago older children would have helped out with younger ones as you'd have been, I don't know, tilling the fields or something. smile

NickNacks Sat 06-Apr-13 20:02:26

That's what I'm hoping soontobe

I'd love to put her to bed and her go to sleep happy and straight away but it doesn't work out like that. I'm thinking a couple of weeks like this and we can take over again.

If he or she ever said they didn't want to then of course I wouldn't make them!

NickNacks Sat 06-Apr-13 20:04:38

candr that would be a great 'next step' to me doing it altogether.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Sat 06-Apr-13 20:05:38

If he is happy, it is nice for both. I don't see the problem, but if he starts to moan or seems to dislike it, then you need to rethink. Could you take over one of his usual chores as a thank you for him doing this?

ifancyashandy Sat 06-Apr-13 20:08:45

Apparently (I have no memory of it) my 2nd eldest brother used to put me to bed. I loved it. He loved it. My mum (I am now in my 40's) doesn't seem to be the sort of parent to put kids to work grin.

My brother and I love each other very much. T'is bond building.

NotMostPeople Sat 06-Apr-13 20:09:58

I think it's fine but I'd think of a plan to get dd to settle with both you and your DH. You really don't want to get into a situation in the long term where DS is the only one she'll settle for. Could you begin to pop in to the room as DS is reading her a story to give her a kiss and gradually increase it with DS leaving earlier and do the same with DH?

ParadiseChick Sat 06-Apr-13 20:11:12

How sweet! Yanbu, as long as he is happy to do it and you let him know how awesome he is!

It's not about who has the responsibility, your a family, families do stuff for each other!

quoteunquote Sat 06-Apr-13 20:12:53

It's lovely and will serve them well as they grow,

Mine love doing things like this for each other, and as siblings all like each other, and choose to hang out together, because they have always done nice things for each other.

My eldest is back from uni,very short visit, his youngest sibling has loved taking him a tray of luxury breakfasts in the morning, the middle one has been cooking him lovely lunches, they have missed him so much, because he did get involved with them when they were little.

so those bed time stories will be returned in kind.

Just make sure you thank him and tell him how wonderful he is each and every time.

unionjackcovered Sat 06-Apr-13 20:13:16

My dd10 loves putting her younger sister to bed, if he's happy with it, no problem!

babyradio Sat 06-Apr-13 20:13:43

It sounds nice to me, but just keep an eye on it like others have said. I'm sure it's good for him to feel that he has some responsibility too even though he is only 9. Maybe you could arrange for him to have a little treat of his own too as a thank you?

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Sat 06-Apr-13 20:15:25

Awww bless them.both!

I think.its fine my 10 and 8 yr old often read bedtime stories to my little two, they all like it smile

If he is happy it sounds fine to me smile

McNewPants2013 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:33:32

If he likes doing it, then continue to do it.

Perhaps he likes that you get to spend so time with him after his sister is in bed without her screaming the house down.

PinkCanary Sat 06-Apr-13 23:43:44

I think it's lovely. And it helps your Ds understand that families are about give and take. Of course there will be ways that you can show your gratitude to DS but he's old enough now to take responsibility for a few things.

My 9 yr old DD came home from school 2 weeks ago and asked to make me a brew. grin We've not looked back since! Am sure she'll reach a point where she'll grumble but I was once in her position too. That's just the way of the world.

lottieandmia Sat 06-Apr-13 23:46:47

My dd who is 9 probably would not take kindly to having to take her 4 year old sister to bed, the most she will do is take her to the loo! If he doesn't mind then I don't think it's wrong...

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