To think it was insensitive to have said this about my post baby body and be a bit upset??

(97 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 19:25:19

I had a c section 3.5 weeks ago.
My SIL has just come round and gone on and on about ow I 'still look five months pregnant' and how this 'didn't happen' with her after her c section.

sad

She kept looking at me from different angles and saying, 'it's just really weird, your tummy still looks pregnant!'

I would have told her (politely) to bugger off but I was too upset to get into it so just left the room.

.i am sleep deprived and have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues previously (SIL knows this) and feel very sensitive on this matter.

I am now worried that I have got totally wrecked stomach muscles from the c section and that they will never be normal ever again sad

Could it be my uterus not contracting down yet?? I haven't been able to breast feed (Been feeling rubbish about this too... SIL also knows this...) and so wonder if my tummy is still protruding from sticking out uterus. Possible??

I probably do look v pregnant still, I am overall quite skinny but do still have a big bulging tummy. I had been feeling better about it these last few days as I thought it was improving and now I feel really really shit.

sIL not known for her sensitivity but this is a bit much. I may just be hormonal and tired but I feel rubbish now and just want to hide away because I feel like a freak.

SatsukiKusukabe Sat 06-Apr-13 20:13:43

oh just read it was your brothers wife not dhs sister. In that case I feel passive aggressiveness is the way forward.

if she is older than you
"yes, but it was suuuuuuch a long time ago can you actually remember exactly when it went down? "

if she has given birth recently;
"no, trust me, you were huge too, but it's mostly gone now, don't worry" (smile sweetly)

Sheshelob Sat 06-Apr-13 20:19:09

My son is 17 months old and I'm still packing more than my fair share around my middle. And I didn't have a c-section and I breastfed.

The problem isn't your belly, it's that your SIL is a complete arsehole.

Tell her to shove it up her perfectly formed arse. Bastard.

starfield Sat 06-Apr-13 20:21:32

Her lack of empathy is going to make her very lonely.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Sat 06-Apr-13 20:21:46

My DD is 2 and I'm still using the baby weight excuse!

Congrats on your little one OP flowers

Onetwothreeoops Sat 06-Apr-13 20:28:25

There isn't a problem with your body, there is a problem with her. Whatever problem that is its most certainly not yours so don't let her put it on you. She should be ashamed of herself.

MrsBombastic Sat 06-Apr-13 20:32:41

She sounds jealous to me?

She knows your issues and she is deliberately trying to upset you, which is, TBH just plain cruel.

You've had major abdominal surgery, it takes time for your body to heal and settle down, in total it takes 2 years for your body to fully recuperate from having a baby so please do not punish yourself.

When and only when you are ready, start some gentle exercise, I recommend yoga and pilates, some swimming.

You can get your body back in good shape but it takes time and effort, no your body won't be exactly the same as it was so here's a very warm welcome to the mum's club :-D

Please waste no more time on this spiteful cows remarks. x

CSIJanner Sat 06-Apr-13 20:36:47

Sorry - had to come back to this. Did your DB not pull her up on this? If you don't want to bring it up with her now, have a word with him. She needs to be told she's just upset you.

Utter cow

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 20:38:28

She might not be a bitch. Some people just lack tact and sense. Ignore her anyway.

Mugwatch Sat 06-Apr-13 20:44:38

What a bitch. My midwife was saying how good I looked after a week and my mum piped up "she was a size 10". I had put on a shitload 4 stone of baby weight. The midwife gave her a death stare and said "she will be again" I could have kissed her. It took me a while but I am, you will be bak to your normal size in time, don't rush it just enjoy your baby.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 20:49:59

I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch!

AlanMoore Sat 06-Apr-13 20:51:18

I'm guessing that your baby is MUCH cuter than hers. She's a fucking cow, ignore her. Don't stress about your figure, I know it's hard but be patient and take good care of yourself and enjoy the baby - s/he and your health are what matters.

Tell your DH what she said for some back up. Any more nonsense he can chuck her out.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 20:51:48

I've had two sections its all swelling don't worry. Tell her at least your swelling will reduce but she will always be a Bitch! Anyway babies like to snuggle up on mummies squidgy tummies! I couldn't BF dd1 either, managed for dd2 but stil felt guilty for dd1 . Try not to stress just enjoy your baby and keep visiotrs to A minimum

MyHusbandRoy Sat 06-Apr-13 20:53:00

What a bitch.

I had to have physio after my c section (bad back/pelvis) and the physio lady said that it takes 9 months for your body to grow and it will take at least 9 months for it to go back.

Don't forget that on top of your organs etc shifting back into their normal place, your body is also knitting all your nerves/muscle/skin back together.

Loislane78 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:56:16

Totally unacceptable to EVER say this to a new mum.

It will go down, fear not smile. Don't you sometimes get a painful shoulder after C-sections? Perhaps your arm might involuntarily jerk out and accidentally give your SIL a slap - "just another side-effect what can I say, sorry about that" smile

Bumbolina Sat 06-Apr-13 20:58:06

What a bitch! 9months on 9 months off.... at least... plus a bit!!

Buddhagirl Sat 06-Apr-13 21:00:43

Takes a while for it to go down, 3.5 weeksis nothing, do not let her take you back to body issues!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:25

Thanks so much again everyone, it is so nice of you all to take the time to post nice things!!!

Annoyingly it IS taking me back to old body issues... partly because I just feel like my usual confidence has been swept out from under me because I thought I was looking all right and now I think I was being stupid.

I know it takes 9 months to come off... I had come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't look my 'normal' self for months just yet... but I was feeling as if I was doing well for where I was, IYSWIM, and now I feel like I was kidding myself.

None of my anger with SIL is helped by the fact that prior to saying this she was holding my baby and attempting to shove her (the baby's) fingers into her (the baby's mouth) while saying, "Find your thumb, darling!" and telling me that her children had always sucked their thumbs and she would 'encourage' me to get my DD to do the same... I have no issue whatsoever with people's children sucking their thumbs but I personally would rather DD didn't if at all possible... and if she is going to such her thumb then fine but let it be HER choice and not because she was having her fingers shoved into her mouth by a stranger!!! [anger]

I am kicking myself for not saying anything at that point (I just took DD away) because now I feel like a pushover as well as a bulging-tummied freak!!

Not a good day. DD is crying with colic at the moment as well which is probably making everything seem more awful.

Wafflepuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:16

I had a section 8 weeks ago and my tummy was still very big until 2 weeks ago. It's starting to get smaller now but as far as I know it's normal for your tummy to be big for quite a while after a c section. Please don't panic, you will get your figure back just give yourself a bit of time.

Wafflepuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:15:47

Just seen your update, who on earth tries to teach a baby to suck its thumb?! My ds is also a colicky screamer so I feel your pain.

AlanMoore Sat 06-Apr-13 21:17:00

Try colief for baby and nice wine for you!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:17:35

Wafflepuss... ah, so it's not just me then?? about the thumb I mean??! I am honestly starting to doubt my judgment about a lot of things this evening... SIL is one of those domineering people who just does/says such outrageous things that you can be left thinking, did she REALLY just do/say that, and then wondering if you are the one who is being unreasonable for finding it a bit much...

What a knobhead.

I remember someone saying 'oooo, you've still got a bump' about 2 months post-birth. I wanted to thump her.

Congratulations on your squishy new baby, I'm very jealous! In fact, when I saw a friend of a friend the other day who still has her post-baby bulge, I was jealous of that too!

SatsukiKusukabe Sat 06-Apr-13 21:19:07

<sneaks in gives unmumsnetty hug>

<punches sil>

<sneaks out >

Thurlow Sat 06-Apr-13 21:20:16

I think it is fair to say that your SIL is a twunt, and anything she says about you, your body, and your baby can be completely ignored!

Fishandjam Sat 06-Apr-13 21:21:40

What a nasty cow.

You will shrink back, never fear. (It took me around 6 months after vaginal delivery, but I tend towards the saggy!) Whereas your SIL will still be a nasty cow no matter how long post-partum she is.

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