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' women are looking for friends, men are looking for fucks' aibu to be seeting.

(82 Posts)
parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 14:17:23

this gem was said to me a few days ago by a potential date. I had been speaking to him for about 2 weeks and until that point he had been lovely, we had a date arranged which has now been cancelled.

He had got a bit overly flirty, i had called him on it and that was his response, he was also cross at women, as they dont mean to be hurtful, but apparently they are, when the reject these ' fucks' or ' fuck advances'

degree educated, posh job, seemed perfectable respectable until this point.

I am still SO angry about this. I accept it is true, especially with online dating, i have enough experience to verify it, but it just makes me angry.
AIBU

beautyfades Mon 08-Apr-13 18:06:22

Get rid!!!!!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 08-Apr-13 16:30:49

YY parallel. The fact that bloke wouldn't say it To your face says plenty, doesn't it?

I don't think you are being prudish. It's bang out of order. First sign of any silliness though, and I block. Not worth trying to educate them.

parrelluniverse Mon 08-Apr-13 11:03:36

ack, please dont make out im some kind of prude.. Yes, im not a fool, i do know that men like sex. heck, i like it too.
But for it to be put so bluntly, and being put above all else, well, its insulting.

For example, i was meant to have a date later today, all nice chat, then he texts last night to tell me hes having a wank over my pics. That is wht its like, all the time.
I had a massive go at him and asked if he would say that to a womans face, and he said no, course not. But its how you are treated when you do online dating, or in fact as a vaguley attractive single woman... just as a comodity. its not nice, and unless you have been on the recieving end of it, you wont know.

I know plenty of relationships where the men arent there ' just for the fucks' and im sure you would be highly insulted if your husband just shrugged and said that too. its not any different just because i happen to be single.

b4bunnies Sun 07-Apr-13 21:08:34

op, you didn't know that? its the first you've heard of it?
most educated men have a bit more discretion about it, though.

Scrambled has it and others. It's flashing via the internet. It's not meant to turn you on, its what it does for them. In days gone by, they'd have gone to the park, now it's much easier for them. Horrible bastards. FWIW on my OD profile I have said I don't do the smutty talk. Doesn't stop some of them trying, but that's what the block button is for. I would block at the first sign of anyone showing too early an interest in how I dress my fanjo.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 19:57:39

Distribution of obscene materials, maybe?

OP, have you complained to the dating sites? It sounds like the lovely trolls we get here somewhat, posting to provoke, and maybe they can get banned.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 19:55:59

Agree - it's about these men pushing their sexuality onto a woman whether she's interested or not - it's not seduction, it's the equivalent of flashing or heavy breathing calls.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 19:25:03

Hmm parallel what a depressing sign then about the majority of OD men. Eugh.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 06-Apr-13 19:23:21

Isn't it flashing via the internet? Definitely hoping for some sort of upset response, which they'll get off on.

I wonder is it illegal?

MsTakenidentity Sat 06-Apr-13 19:09:31

Dusk falls over Pemberley. Mr. Darcy sits at his writing desk, quill pen in hand, and writes: 'Miss Bennet I love you. Most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand. In the meantime here is a delightful sketch of my magnificent'..... < ^ Miss Austen faints decorously, necessitating large dose of smelling salts ^ >

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 19:06:48

i dont think its about that. i was talking to a man about it, he said its about dominance. sort of forcing it on a girl.
making her take it.

like in a porny way.

and then they get off on that. not what the reaction is.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sat 06-Apr-13 18:59:49

Are there any women willing to come here and say they like the cock photos? I mean, they must work sometimes, surely, or the men wouldn't carry on??

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:49:17

I think him saying that is an injustice to the genuine men on there, and there are some. I hate to think that all men are in it for that, it's just too depressing.

I really find the whole 'wanking over your face' thing just laughably sad, I like to then send a detailed psychoanalysis (I'm a psychology and criminal behaviour graduate) to them in the hopes that it makes them feel some ounce of shame. I've never had one respond after that haha

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:46:02

it is fucking vile, thats the only word for it.

vile and depressing, because, as he said ' men are just there for the fucks'

and dont even get me started on them telling you they have wanked over your picture. and before anyone says anything, these can be the most innocent pics you have seen.....

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:43:15

cote, id like to think that actually, when someones been talking to me for a few weeks, with a view to meeting up and dating me, and in fact saying so, that a quick fuck isnt the only thing on their mind.

because, how else do relationships happen....

one that sent a pic, then sent a wanking video when i didnt respond. then when i didnt respond to that, got cross and instructed me to tell him what i wanted to do to it.

its very depressing actually.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:43:09

I'm with Velvet, it really would be easier to list who HASN'T sent a picture of their cock, or hasn't turned the once pleasant conversation to smut. I've had messages from men telling me they've wanked over my photo, like I should be flattered.

The 'normal' one I've met is coming round in an hour, he's never sent a cock pic (he can't fathom why one would) but I shall show him this thread to prove that some OD men are fucking vile.

VelvetSpoon Sat 06-Apr-13 18:39:18

I think if you don't do OD, or you have only have nice experiences from it, men sending pictures of their pathetic appendages seems like it would be the exception. When in fact it would be far easier for me to list the men who HAVEN'T sent such photos, because almost all of them have. It is hugely disappointing when you're looking for a relationship to realise almost all men (including those who say thats what they want) are really just looking for a quick shag, or someone to send photos of their genitals to...

CoteDAzur Sat 06-Apr-13 18:30:03

YABU to be surprised by this. Surely, it's common knowledge that most men have a quick fuck in mind while most women are looking for friends when they talk to each other for the first time.

YANBU to ditch the rude bastard, though.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:27:31

in my experince it is true. ive had more dates than that blog.....

two new numbers today, from nice, normal looking and sounding men.. lots of chat, all nice. dates asked for... numbers swapped to arrange details. cocks sent within an hour.

not on.

SilverOldie Sat 06-Apr-13 18:26:48

Some men are strange, well a lot if I'm honest smile

I went out with a guy I worked with once, went back to his place, he disappeared and reappeared in the doorway saying ta da! He was stark naked except for his socks.

I burst into laughter, he got mad I left and we continued to work together without speaking.

Trills Sat 06-Apr-13 18:19:51
Trills Sat 06-Apr-13 18:19:17

I accept it is true, especially with online dating

I agree with Worra, YABU to accept that it is true.

As with all issues where men and women allegedly want different thing, some men want some things, some women want other things. Men and women are encouraged when the act as if they want the "stereotypical thing" and discouraged if they act as if they want the non-typical thing.

parrelluniverse Sat 06-Apr-13 18:16:56

andjust had another one.
chatted all day, really nice, funny. no red flags.
asked me out for monday, accepted smile
swapped numbers to arrange details, he asks if i want to see a pic of his bathroom, i say yes and he sends me one of him naked in it

WHY!!!

if it wasnt so depressing, i would laugh, but i just cant bring myself to anymore.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 06-Apr-13 16:48:33

Hmm. It does seem likely that men who wanted to send cock pictures or sexual questions to random women would consider dating sites as a good way to achieve that particular goal. So a higher proportion of these deviants could be expected on the sites than in the general population, I think

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