friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

(279 Posts)
princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:21:30

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

WaitingForMe Fri 05-Apr-13 22:49:51

I pity people like the OPs friend. What horrible nasty little lives they must lead.

Wherever possible I do things to blow my DSSs tiny minds. Last Christmas they got their presents in a giant cardboard castle. It didn't cost that much but it was as big as them and they did that fabulous thing where they stand and shake a bit because it's all so exciting.

But then I come from a family where we gift wrap stuff to take to uni. My mum wrapped individual toilet rolls smile

LondonNinja Fri 05-Apr-13 22:50:31

Your friend sounds like a wanker.

Your DD sounds lovely, as do you.

Forget the stupid comments from idiot 'friend'. What a vile thing for her to have said.

And whose business is it but yours as to what is 'too' much?

rockinhippy Fri 05-Apr-13 22:50:41

It's a lovely idea, we did something very similar for our DD, probably more so as I made elaborate Disney Princess gowns for DD & her friend to wear, (we took friend along too) & had them delivered with the tickets - it made for wonderful memories for us all

Your friend is a jealous cow, sadly you making such an effort probably makes her feel guilty or inadequate in some way, but that's HER problem, not yours ;)

elsie07 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:50:42

I think it sounds a wee bit over the top myself, a little bit Make A Wish Foundation. I'd probably think the same thing but be afraid to say it. Your friend sounds quite funny, does she post here?

I think it's a lovely way to "build up" the excitement to the trip. People always say that part of the fun is the planning. At 5yo she won't really have the concept of 'in the summer holidays' or 'in 4 months'.

The Lapland UK (not the Crapland New Forest one) sends out a Letter from Santa to give to the child to explain. Haven't been there envy though.

What you're planning is along those lines.

She could've said "Mmm, bit OTT " which is her opinion, but se sounds rude.
Your DD will remember it so much more with the plans you're doing.
Enjoy.

JeanPaget Fri 05-Apr-13 22:54:36

Well your friend's phrasing wasn't the most delicate, but I would find the things you've mentioned a bit OTT to be honest. But I'm very much in the majority on the threat so clearly I'm just a hard bitch grin

Flisspaps Fri 05-Apr-13 22:54:44

Are you the friend, elsie07?

AgentZigzag Fri 05-Apr-13 22:56:26

It'd be OTT if you were doing it for everything, but the odd special occasion and your DD will remember it.

Why makes you wonder whether the friend posts here elsie?

AgentZigzag Fri 05-Apr-13 22:58:42

Oooh a sockpuppet, maybe you're right fliss.

It is a bit shit for her to think a child would have to have a terminal illness for their parents to do something special for them.

OhTheConfusion Fri 05-Apr-13 22:58:48

Your friend isn't really a friend.

Go for it! When you consider the cost of the entire trip surely the extra £10 for the costume will make so many extra memories.

I do things like this for the family too. DH and I told the kids we were going to see WW2 trenches and ended up at Euro Disney. I told DH we were going to IKEA straight from work on the Friday before his birthday and 'turned off too early' into the airport... we caught the 9pm flight to Berlin for the weekend.

I love surprises... just wish someone would surprise me too sad.

waiting that sounds great! Did you make the castle yourself? Mine would love that

Baby brain you said it didn't cost that much! Where did you get it from?

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Fri 05-Apr-13 23:00:20

That is just an awful thing to say to you.
You must be very hurt.
But can I say the ignorance and insensitivity of that comment to any parent who has had to live through the neverending trauma of watching their child die sad shock just fucking speechless.
Really this woman isn,t capable of being a friend, call her on this, then fuck her right off.And have a lovely time with your dd, cherish every moment.
thanks to MrsD and others on this thread.

Finola1step Fri 05-Apr-13 23:01:59

What an odd thing to think, let alone actually say. Ok, it might not be something I would do but, it does sound lovely.

floggingmolly. My DD is 2 but she is also a Xmas baby. Will be pinching your Father Christmas at birthday party for future use. Thanks.

TheChaoGoesMu Fri 05-Apr-13 23:02:35

Your friend is a twat. Make some amazing memories for your dd, ignore your jealous friend and enjoy yourselves. I think what you are doing is fabulous.

mrsjay Fri 05-Apr-13 23:04:01

I have been thinking and the fact she said terminally ill is bloody awful is she usually so nasty

BlueStarsAtNight Fri 05-Apr-13 23:04:25

Gosh what a horrible thing to say!! It probably isn't something I would do but it does sound like your DD will love it, so YANBU!

We took my nieces to disney when they were 6 and 3, and didn't tell them where we were going until we got to the station, expecting a 'wow' moment and huge excitement. What we actually got was pretty much blank/confused faces! I think it was just so far removed from anything they'd done before that they couldn't really grasp what was going on and didn't really get excited at all! They loved it when they were there though. So actually I think telling DD in advance and helping to build up the excitement is a really good idea!

rockinhippy Fri 05-Apr-13 23:04:30

But I'm very much in the majority on the threat so clearly I'm just a hard bitch

Or maybe just lacking in imagination ;)

It's not like its a frequent thing FFS, its a really special treat, as it Xmas & birthdays, why not go the extra half mile & make it as special as your imagination allows smile especially as they grow so quickly & will be eye rolling at the thought of anything as "magical" before you even blink - some if us enjoy it as much as out DCs, live & let live;)

Love the cardboard castle for Xmas - we always made our living room into a grotto over night, balloons tinsel glitter & snow everywhere including santas foot prints & rigged up a bubble machine with Christmas music to go off in the morning too - OTT - yes, but I loved every second of it smile

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Fri 05-Apr-13 23:04:50

Children only get one childhood, I think it's our job to make it as magical as possible. What you've got planned sounds lovely.
Your friend is obviously entitled to her opinion, although the way she shared this was obviously incredibly off!!!
Carry on making fabulous memories & maybe just don't bother telling her what you've got planned.

mrsjay Fri 05-Apr-13 23:05:35

I think it sounds a wee bit over the top myself, a little bit Make A Wish Foundation. I'd probably think the same thing but be afraid to say it. Your friend sounds quite funny, does she post here?

Funny eh what confused Oh she sounds hysterical

JeanPaget Fri 05-Apr-13 23:05:59

:O I meant to say minority honest!

princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 23:06:20

I just thought it was an awfully cruel thing to say regarding the terminally ill bit. She could've just said it was OTT and I wouldn't have been offended. I had a shockingly shit childhood as friend knows and have no happy memories at all so I probably do overcompensate with my DD's but so long as they don't become spoilt I don't see the harm.

JeanPaget Fri 05-Apr-13 23:06:28

And I can't work the smileys either, marvellous.

tigerdriverII Fri 05-Apr-13 23:07:05

Just do it and ignore your jealous silly friend. Or not friend.

shock How unbelievable of her.

I really wouldn't call her a friend tbh. She's wicked saying that. Oh and envy too.

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