friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

(279 Posts)
princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:21:30

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

usualsuspect Fri 05-Apr-13 22:33:02

Sounds lovely, your DD will remember it for ever.

Drop the 'friend'

larks35 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:33:04

Bloody 'ell! I was expecting you to describe some sort of "wrapping your DD in cotton wool" thing, and even then I was going to say YANBU (as your parenting decisions are up to you). BUT, your "friend" is not only out of order but seriously rotten to say this to you! YANBU.

dolallylass Fri 05-Apr-13 22:33:26

Ignore her that's a great idea! We went to Disney and I left presents on my kids beds every morning 'from Mickey'! You could that too that'd really annoy her! grin

idiot55 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:33:52

shes jealous

princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:35:22

Her examples of 'things like this' were:
When I was pregnant with DD2 a facepainter I knew asked if she could practice bump painting on me for free, I agreed and DD had her tummy painted too and the photos were on the facepainters website
last year for DD's birthday we told her we were going to grandma's to stay over but didn't leave til 7. DD fell asleep in car and when she woke up she discovered we were camping for the weekend at her favourite place
Some other friends and I chipped in £3 each to hire an Easter bunny mascot to visit each of our children to deliver an egg on Easter Sunday

pigletmania Fri 05-Apr-13 22:35:47

Yanbu what a horrid thing to say, you go ahead and make your dd trip special, your only a child once

Floggingmolly Fri 05-Apr-13 22:35:57

Of course you're not bu. I hired a guy in a Santa suit to pop in to ds's 5th birthday party (his birthday is the week before Christmas).
The kids didn't really think it was the real Santa, but it added a special touch of magic all the same. Ignore her.

Angelico Fri 05-Apr-13 22:37:09

Horrible, bitter, vindictive thing to say. She does sound jealous. And even if she finds it over the top it's still a totally vile thing to say. Your DD will be delighted smile

MrsDeVere Fri 05-Apr-13 22:37:12

She is an offensive fucking numpty tosspot.

I don't think I can be any clearer.

Does your 'friend' actually understand what terminally ill means?

Taking your kid to Disney is hardly the main activity of a mother caring for a terminally ill child.

For FUCKS sake.

I don't think your "things" sound OTT to me. Not the sort of thing my DCs would have been interested in, but you say your DD would really enjoy this, so I don't feel she's being spoiled.

Think your friend is jealous.

Flisspaps Fri 05-Apr-13 22:37:48

I can be quite hard/blunt/rude and I think your friend is being a dick.

If your DD was 15 then perhaps it would be a bit OTT, but at 5, enjoy the magic of seeing your DD's excited face. My DD is 3 and is just getting into Disney characters (Disney Junior has been on sodding TV at some point every day this week) and I can imagine how excited she'd be if Mickey turned up here!

lottieandmia Fri 05-Apr-13 22:38:03

What an offensive thing for your 'friend' to say

1. Ignore her
2. she's probably jealous
3. it's none of her damned business
4. with friends like her....etc

Children are only children once - why the hell shouldn't you do lovely things for yours?

princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:39:39

Seeing as it's likely to be a once in a lifetime trip (because it's working out to be so bloody expensive!) I just wanted to make it extra special for DD

mrsjay Fri 05-Apr-13 22:39:56

your 'friend' is being a spiteful witch with no sense of adventure you are creating memories for your child there is nothing wrong with that . it is a wee bit OTT with the big performance but it is ok saying all thaT

we didnt tell our dds we were going to florida till they got to the airport they were 10 and nearly 5 , 5 yr olds memory can fade but you are making a thing of it she will remember, enjoy your holiday and get rid of your friend who is being a grinch grin

myalias Fri 05-Apr-13 22:40:22

Wow what a nasty thing to say shock your 'friend' is incredibly jealous. I think that is a lovely idea to get a friend to dress up as Mickey - what a lucky girl to have a mum like you.

McPheetStink Fri 05-Apr-13 22:40:52

What a vile thing to say.

Hope you have a great time.

AgentZigzag Fri 05-Apr-13 22:42:03

Oh FFS, the things you describe are really lovely and your DD is lucky to have someone looking out for how she'll look back on her childhood when she's older, what kind of joyless fuck would try and pour scorn on them??

A couple of my relatives are similar and they try to make you feel a bit of an immature twonk for doing them, but it's those sparkly bits that children look back when they're an adult and smile at how much their parents must have thought of them to make such an effort.

SuiGeneris Fri 05-Apr-13 22:43:15

Your friend was too blunt but I am afraid I agree with her.

Having said that, I am not your DD's mother, you are, so your views are much more relevant than your friend's or mine.

mrsjay Fri 05-Apr-13 22:43:20

we have taken dd1 to the 'park' and ended up on holiday when she was 3 meh these things are memorable dd is nearly 20 she remembers going to the park but thinking it was a v v long way away ( it was butlins )

Greydog Fri 05-Apr-13 22:43:56

Your "friend" is a miserable old bag. Drop her from your life. When my son was small we went to Disneyland Paris. Told him we were going to Devon. On the feeder coach I said that we were very sorry but there had been as change of plan, so we were going somewhere else. He was so excited & happy when we told him, & he always remembers that. He's 27 now!

Rikalaily Fri 05-Apr-13 22:44:03

Your friend is a jealous cow. If my friend told me she had arranged something like that for their child I would be thrilled for them and wanting to see the video of the child getting the news delivered in such an amazing way.

Ignore her x

I think it's lovely

Your friend sounds like a twat

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Fri 05-Apr-13 22:45:52

Your friend is not a friend.

They all sound lovely things for your dad smile

We once hired a darth Vader outfit that dp wore to a star wars themed party we did for ds2 smile

princessj29 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:46:24

Oh and it's only because DD never asks for/expects anything that I do these things. She honestly would've been extremely happy just to go to grandma's for her tea for her birthday - she didn't even expect more presents despite only getting a few little ones on her actual birthday. Plus she is very appreciative and remembers surprises from when she was 2 so it's nice to know they mean something to her

You're spending your time and using your imagination to do lovely things for your dcs, and a 'friend' thinks it's appropriate to say that? What a nasty wee cow!

She's not a friend in any sense of the word - get rid, and carry on with your plans, your dcs will love it and have some fabulous memories smile

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