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Always same bedtime

(64 Posts)
Snickersnoodles Fri 05-Apr-13 07:35:50

I have a DD who is 8 months and my friend has a DD who has just turned 4 months.

We have both been invited to another friends house (who has 2 dc, toddler and school age) with our DC's for food, early evening.

My friend doesn't want to go as her DD goes to bed at a certain time and she doesn't want to alter this.

AIBU by thinking that it doesn't harm children to have an occasional change to their routine.

My DD is usually in bed for 7.30 but if we are out somewhere and it is later, then I don't worry about it. I did this with my older DS and he was a brilliant sleeper and still is at 7.

Snickersnoodles Fri 05-Apr-13 10:15:29

I have never said anything to her and won't. I still believe that it won't do them any harm but IABU to expect others to do the same.

Her baby is only 4 months old! I cant believe you have already made your mind up about her future parenting and an end to going out together!

She may feel stressed by the mere thought, and feel she wont be able to cope with her baby out in the evening, judged (boy is she right to fear that!) as a new mum with her friends who both have older babies, and she might not find it relaxing and nice at all. Doing the feeding, the nappy changing, with other mums and kids present, along with getting her baby to sleep.

To me, sounds like a pretty helllish evening. Maybe she prefers to put her feet up at home, rather than struggle out of the home?

Where is her DP in this? Will she not leave the baby with him so she can go out?

I can see why you're worried about the friendship. She may just be in the bubble though, give it some time.

sunshinesue Fri 05-Apr-13 10:48:11

Yabu. Not all babies are portable. 5 month old ds will turn into a demon after about 7pm. We've never tried to enforce a routine, this is just the end of his day and he is tired. we may be able to get him to sleep in a pushchair or car seat but this would take about 45 mins of rocking and shushing. You wouldn't want us as guests, we'd be distracted and ds would be noisy and miserable.

FrauMoose Fri 05-Apr-13 10:55:57

Routine seems to have become more fashionable. When my daughter was a baby I would take her out with me to friend's houses sometimes in the evening, and if she was tired I'd feed her then put her down somewhere quiet. Often on a rug or blanket on a floor - and she would sleep quite happily.

I can see that for some parents and babies there are advantages in routines. But there are disadvantages too.

waterrat Fri 05-Apr-13 11:07:11

the thing is, it's so easy to say that you shouldn't let a baby rule your life, but sleep makes everything else either okay or awful. I hated being out with mine past bedtime, he would not have settled and would have been crying and distressed. It's not about the routine, it's that I wouldn't have enjoyed being out with him.

I tried to get out all the time and never enjoyed it. next time with a baby I will be much quicker to say NO to being out and not worrying about judgy people like you.

Lariflete Fri 05-Apr-13 11:11:04

The thought of breaking DD's bedtime routine brings me out in a cold sweat! We had such awful nights with her until we got into a routine and she is so difficult when we break it that I will never voluntarily do it for anything non-serious / non-urgent.
However, my friend has a baby of the same age as DD and they don't use a routine at all. But that works for them.
Basically it's up to the individual grin

McNewPants2013 Fri 05-Apr-13 11:19:36

A night around a friends house is not worth upsetting DS routine. It takes us weeks to get the routine back on track and i need whatever sleep i can get.

I have done for weddings and important family parties.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Fri 05-Apr-13 12:39:39

OK, apology accepted!

Mrsrobertduvall Fri 05-Apr-13 12:44:36

I was very rigid with dcs bedtime....bath at 5.30, bed at 6.30.
It meant I had the evening to myself, and they were settled for babysitters.
They were pretty good sleepers and I think I was terrified of spoiling that routine. My friends were quite similar, so we met as adults in the evening, rather than having children around.

teacher123 Fri 05-Apr-13 12:48:05

In my opinion your social life naturally changes when you have a baby, it's part and parcel of it. As a pp has said, the thought of trying to settle DS at someone elses house and worrying that he wouldn't sleep, blah blah and worrying that my friends were judging me would ruin any enjoyment I might have of the evening. We haven't had friends over for dinner since DS was born. However we go out for LOTS of lunches, coffees, playing at other people's houses etc. We've had some friends who've judged us for no longer being able to go to the pub at the drop of a hat, and some friends who've just stopped inviting us to things at all, even though we have doting grandparents on standby! When he's older we'll be more flexible. Whilst he's a baby, our evening social life has been put on the back burner.

teacher123 Fri 05-Apr-13 12:49:40

And yes yes mrs Duvall! Early bed = sanity for me!

Wishiwasanheiress Fri 05-Apr-13 12:49:59

Really, why does it bother you? Confused.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Fri 05-Apr-13 12:53:54

My DD is in a great routine - wind down starts at 6pm, in bed by 7pm. Sleeps til 7pm. She's only 5 months too.

I'm sorry but YABU. The reason she sleeps so well is because she is in a great routine. My friend, who drags her poor DS here there and everywhere, meaning that no two days are the same, might have a much better social life - but gets zero sleep because the little boy wakes up all night.

Of course, could be coincidental wink but thank you, I'm keeping my routine grin

It would have to be bloody good reason to break her routine - even for a night! The last time we did it, it sent her off track for 3 days. Never again!

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