In hating dd's friend?

(89 Posts)
Nicknamenotavailableeither Thu 04-Apr-13 16:18:06

So, invited dd's friend over for a play seeing as it is the Eastwr hols. Thought it would be nice for dd.

I have known that friend (henceforth known as nasty girl - ng) is a bit of a rascal, dd has said before that age gets in trouble at school quite a bit. I just didn't realise how truly horrid she is.

This is what she has done in the hour or so she has been here:

-- dropped massive chunks of biscuit in the floor, laughed and refused to clear it up.

--wiped chocolatey spit inside my diary (and laughed about it).

--asked me why I have such a fat bum? hmm

--hit my dd and made her cry.

I fucking hate her. I want to call her mum and get her picked up. AIBU????

--

gabsid Fri 05-Apr-13 12:50:52

Oh, I thought they would grow out of it.

One friend DS had was horrible, or DS and that friend were both horrible when they were together, but now at age 8 the friend slowly seems to turn into a nice boy and I am happy for them to play together.

But 3 years ago I would avoid meeting my friend (who's DS he is) during the holidays because she was lax on discipline and I would constantly tell off my DS for being loud, inconsiderate, running off....

Airwalk79 Fri 05-Apr-13 10:46:47

I feel your pain op. I have now stopped inviting said child round/ or letting my dd go to their house. I am always busy/ very vague about plans etc to try and escape her mother.
I take the dog to school and wait outside the gate, this is great for not having to make conversation! It's taken a while but we seem to have shaken them off. And find a nice friend to concentrate on.

freddiefrog Fri 05-Apr-13 10:09:49

My DD has a friend like this too.

Started when they all started school. She was a nasty, spiteful, manipulative little girl. She made my daughter cry hundreds of times and I've never quite forgiven her for that. No one messes with my DDs grin

They're 11 now, DD is beginning to see her for what she is and as they're all starting different secondary schools in September, hopefully the friendship will start to fade, but I've had to deal with this for years. I was never nasty or horrible to her and she was treated with kindness when here although regularly sent home for horrific behaviour but she had me ranting to DH when she'd gone home on many occasion

I dont understand why you chose to invite to your home a child that is notorious for her bad behavior?!

You need to show her that you dont put up with it. Or call her mum. Swiftly.

MrsMacFarlane Fri 05-Apr-13 09:54:40

My DS is 16 and has had a "friend" like this since they were both 4 years old. We've had to put up with her for 12 years, finally my DS has woken up to what a manipulative shit she is and is in the process of distancing herself from her. All along we knew she was a troublemaker and a nasty piece of work but she was DS's choice, not ours and she had to come to that conclusion herself.
Reading the OP reminded me of the first time she came round to the house. She dropped a whole box of Coco Pops on the kitchen floor and then stood on them. I was livid but managed to stay calm, however, when she kept saying "it doesn't matter, your Mum will clean it up" when my DS was a little distraught by it, I felt like lamping her. Brace yourself, you might have years of this....smile

OP I hope you pulled her up on hitting your DD and making her cry ! that is so unacceptable !

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 04-Apr-13 19:16:11

Once they hit 9 or 10 they manage their own friendships you know Poppy...it's a bloody mare actually.

One of my DDs friends is a horror but I like the Mother...DD on the other hand is tiring of her friend and has recently begun to move away from her grasp (and it IS a grasp) her Mother has reacted by ditching me it would seem. sad

PoppyWearer Thu 04-Apr-13 18:34:28

I've had quite a few of 4yo DD's school friends to play recently, with and without parents.

I don't hate any of them, but there are definitely some friendships I'll be nurturing more than others...

And don't get me started on my DNs....one I love, the other is cheeky/defiant and winds me up.

Molehillmountain Thu 04-Apr-13 18:34:26

I don't think I agree with the posters who say that the child should never be invited again. For me, it's to do with what dd would like to happen and unless I really couldn't manage the behaviour (even with sanctions like time out etc) and it was out of control, I'd invite them back. I'd perhaps wait for dc to ask for that person again.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 04-Apr-13 18:29:57

Vodka jellies are for the parents.

With a cigarette chaser.

lonahjomu Thu 04-Apr-13 18:29:17

Thank goodness for those who can sympathise with you op. I hope she grows out of it, your daughter and her obviously are friends and it would be a shame if today ends that, but I'm not so sure I would rush into inviting her for a while.

Molehillmountain Thu 04-Apr-13 18:28:31

grin marmalade. For the children or me?

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 04-Apr-13 18:24:43

Medised jellies are the thing.

Molehillmountain Thu 04-Apr-13 18:24:19

Oh and in the back of my mind I imagine how I'd like dd to be treated if she forgot herself on a play date. Much as I hope she wouldn't misbehave like that and I've never had anyone say she has, they do go a bit out of character. I'd like to think that people applied their house rules but cut a bit of slack.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 18:21:22

Playdates are indeed a PITA until they are a little older. juniors

Molehillmountain Thu 04-Apr-13 18:19:58

I have documented how much I dislike play dates. But that's because they bring out the worst in some children and it is often a hard work situation. It would be nice if a play date meant dd was busy and you could take a breather, but in my experience it is rarely the case. My new mantra with mine and other children is "the worse the behaviour, the more input and jollity is required". By all means don't invite this girl again, but my new strategy is (for one girl who dd loves and I'm not keen on because she behaves badly except when important people are watching and tries to one up dd all the time. She also behaves as if I'm a bit beneath her. She's six!) to pile on the charm and play with them. I'd be very firm on the spitting etc and even give a warning that she might go home, but then make the whole experience so bloody amazing that she wouldn't want to. And then have a large treat in the evening.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Thu 04-Apr-13 18:13:53

And this is why I am not rushing to invite dds friend from school

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 18:10:30

It's true that you simply don't know how your own DC s behave on playdates and many parents would not tell you. I don't think either of mine were ever as rude at the girl in the OP, butnI have reprimanded visiting children for less

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Apr-13 18:08:57

I agree with Goldmandra.

BooCanary Thu 04-Apr-13 18:00:59

IME 5/6 yo's do go a bit bonkers on a playdate.

My DD is normally fairly well behaved, tidies up when asked (most of the time), eats nicely, doesn't run around screaming.

And then her friends come round, and they go CRAZY. Every toy pulled out, screaming and racing round the place, food mess all over the kitchen, cheekiness (running up and tapping me on the bum and running off laughing for instance), being mean to DS. And it ALWAYS ends in friendship squabbles and tears.

Some of her friends (who are generally quite decent sorts) have made all kinds of comments that have made me hmm, such as 'my house is tidier than yours', 'my mum has nicer hair than you', 'DD has a tiiiiiny bedroom - why?' . It's annoying, but there's not a great deal to be done.

I dread to think what 4yo DS will be like when he starts to have playdates without me, as he is currently famed for getting his bum and willy out all the time, asking women if they are men shock , and generally being a total embarassment!

Timetoask Thu 04-Apr-13 18:00:37

She sounds really bad mannered and rude.
My DS so the same age has had many playdates and although a few have not been perfect I have certainly never had an experience like the one you describe.

What to do in this case? I don't feel comfortable telling someone else's child off (specially not in my own house) but I would never ever invite her again or allow my child to visit her (presumabley she behaves like this in her own house as well).

Blimey the op has ended up having to defend herself a lot here. The child sounds poorly behaved. If my 5.5 yr old behaved like that in someone else's house I would be mortified. Yes they drop crumbs, no they don't refuse to pick the big bits up. Yes they make a mess with chocolate, no they don't smear spit on anything. Hitting is wrong, any five year old should know that. And my five year old knows it's rude to comment on weight/size etc.
Hate was a strong word, but definately tell the child's mother or father on pick-up. And don't invite her again!

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 04-Apr-13 17:46:34

It is fat. I cannot debate that one.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 04-Apr-13 17:46:14

I am probably also venting as I have had my house systematically destroyed by other people's children today...

usualsuspect Thu 04-Apr-13 17:45:35

<kicks Marmalades fat arse> grin

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