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Not to want my 7 year old to know about sex?

(74 Posts)
chubbymummy Wed 03-Apr-13 16:57:25

Ds (7) has a friend round to play. They were upstairs messing around on the keyboard and pressing the different sound effects. One of them is a woman sighing. Ds's friend then laughed and said "It sounds like a lady having sex." It then went quiet. After he regained his composure Dh shouted upstairs "Right, keyboard away now lads." They put it away without question and found something else to do (I think ds assumed they were making too much noise). This friend has never come across as streetwise unlike a lot of the children locally and we're glad he and Ds have become friends. Dh and I are really shocked by what we heard and don't know if we should raise it with Ds later or just pretend it never happened. We're both fairly sure that Ds had no idea what his friend meant. I am nowhere near ready to have a conversation with him about sex. I could probably handle him asking questions about how babies are made and would be able to give him some age appropriate answers but this isn't about reproduction. What the friend was referring to is sex for pleasure and that is a whole other subject that I was hoping not to have to tackle for a good few years yet (complete with obligatory lecture about the law, contraception and STD's). How much do your children know about sex or how much did they know at 7? He hasn't had any sex education in school yet by the way. I know it's pathetic but I feel so sad, I'm not ready for my little boy to be so worldly. I want him to be a child and think about childish things not sex! Oh no, I bet you're all going to tell me that I need to wind my neck in and and stop being so PFB aren't you?

MrsHoarder Wed 03-Apr-13 17:28:23

YANBU to not want your DS to learn about sex, especially through playground jokes.

YABU to not talk (or get /dh to talk) about it with him. Just the basics, as he knows the truth, that he can discuss these things with you and so he's harder to manipulate.

pigletmania Wed 03-Apr-13 17:30:35

Well they would ask. I just wouldn't want to I just don't understand the rush to tell. I never heard about sex being talked about in the playground at primary school, but I know that they do sometimes. Yes it is up to the parents if they want to tell tem and how much

chubbymummy Wed 03-Apr-13 17:32:35

Yes, the friend does have a teenage sister. I've always answered any questions Ds has so he is aware of babies growing in the womb and the birth process. He knows that the Dad has to give the Mum a special seed and sometimes it grows into a baby and sometimes it doesn't (although I think he's under the illusion that the Dad buys the seed from somewhere and the woman takes it like a tablet). He also knows that girls/women have periods and why (must fix the lock on the bathroom door blush ). He just hasn't asked any questions about the baby making process. It would be easier if he asked but I don't want to be the one to start the conversation. I don't want him to be the only one who doesn't know the facts of life but really didn't think it was appropriate to get into at 7. I'm going to have to have a chat with Dh now as he thinks Ds is way too young for a chat about it.

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 17:36:57

I feel so sad, I'm not ready for my little boy to be so worldly. I want him to be a child and think about childish things not sex!

You seem more concerned about what you want and what suits you, rather than what you should be addressing for your son's welfare.

Sex isn't dirty, its just a natural bodily function. As a few other posters have mentioned the real issue here is what has influenced your Ds's friend...

You may keep your child sheltered from sex on TV, in films, etc, but it doesn't mean that everyone else does too. The kids will absolutely, no doubt on this earth, have heard some things you don't want them to at school. Sex is everywhere, they can pick up sound effects like that from The Simpsons, which most children of that age will have watched at some point.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 03-Apr-13 17:37:28

Being no where newr ready to have the conversation probably isnt the best way to start.

He'll catch you off guard one day believe me and you'll have to be ready.

My son is 6 and knows how the baby 'gets in there.' And has done for a year.

This may be because I was having a baby right at that time of course.

I think you are being a bit U.

Animol Wed 03-Apr-13 17:38:06

Dear Chubbymummy - I'm afraid I think the longer you don't tell him about the facts of life the more likely it is that he'll hear about them from kids at school who might tell him all sorts of rubbish.

There's a lovely book by Mick Inkpen called 'Who made me' that covers all the basics in a really child friendly way - you might find it helpful.

I wouldn't think it was a CP issue either.

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 17:39:19

You're making far too much of a big deal about sex, just tell him the truth.
Thinking babies cone from seeds you buy, at the age of 7 is going to lead to a very confused boy when the playground discussions about sex start.

valiumredhead Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:41

Oh and it's MUCH easier ime to explain the facts of life to a younger child than a stroppy teen, I am VERY glad I didn't leave it until ds was older as he would know nothing as he wouldn't listen to me grin

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 17:43:28

Valium that's because teenagers already know everything! [Wink]

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 17:44:07

wink

Try again!

valiumredhead Wed 03-Apr-13 17:46:37

Ha ha ha ha yeah, they THINK they know everything when in fact they usually know the crap they have been told in the playground [ground]

BegoniaBampot Wed 03-Apr-13 17:50:11

Agree it's probably easier to talk to them when they are younger and just curious. I usually go by their lead but we have had lot's of interesting conversations started by them which usually originated in the playground. I prefer to they and talk openly and hopefully age appropriately and just answer their questions when they come up. What do you do when you pick them up from primary and one asks what 'cunt' or 'pussy' means - I'd rather they feel they can be open with me. This has been going on from about 8yrs old and then younger siblings often follow from a younger age.

My DS1 (now 8) heard the words "having sex" on the playground at school last year and came home and asked me what it meant.

I didn't go into a lot of detail as he didn't ask, but I explained that it was a special cuddle for adults which could make babies, which he understands. He also know that if he wants to ask me anything else then he can. It's not dirty or shameful and you don't have to go into loads of detail initially if they're not ready for it.

You can't "protect" them from this knowledge and tbh it's not really protecting them anyway. I think that it's much better that he hears the truth from me rather than bits and pieces from his friends and so that we talk about things going through his childhood and into adolescence.

RevoltingPeasant Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:48

Sometimes when I read MN I think I must have gone to primary school on a different planet. confused

By the age of 9 or 10, I can distinctly remember boys and girls making jokes about 'bushes', 'sex noises', periods - definitely.

This was in the late 80s/ early 90s in a posh area.

We picked material up from random bits of tv we saw, from pictures on the covers of mags in the supermarket, from cheesy RnB songs, older siblings. It didn't mean we were all being abused, or even knew that much about sex. It's just in the culture.

It actually really hacks me off when children mention anything about sex and people immediately get their spidey senses going. Children parrot random stuff they hear, and you can't keep them insulated from talk about ex and violence until they are 18, you just can't.

Revolting I went to the same small village primary that my DS goes to and didn't expect to hear it as early as I was totally clueless until about 14 but you can't control the environment of other children and they will get to hear phrases especially if they have older sibs.

Bobyan Wed 03-Apr-13 18:58:48

Pretty sure I went to the same school as Revolting...
I can also clearly remember the secondary school assembly when I was 12, telling us about the first pregnancy in my year.

wigglesrock Wed 03-Apr-13 19:15:55

I told my 7 year old about sex a few months ago. She asked "what's sex?". She already knew how babies came out, but I had to get rid of the whole special seed idea. It was a simple 5 minute conversation. I also told her 5 year old sister at the same time. I knew dd1 would impart some info and I didn't want anyone to get confused.

Every so often I ask are we all ok with what we know, any questions etc?.

I'm almost 39 and the girl next door told me about sex when I was about 8, I'd rather my kids heard actual facts from me that silly giggly nonsense from friends.

villagebird Wed 03-Apr-13 19:51:58

I agree with you totally. Far too young to know about sex and its not necessary to know at that age. I think now days innocence is gone far too soon.

lljkk Wed 03-Apr-13 20:10:08

Ha ha ha ha yeah, they THINK they know everything when in fact they usually know the crap they have been told in the playground

Exactly why parents need to calmly discuss these things with kids when they come up, however they come up. Young enough that it's while parents still have influence over what kids choose to believe.

MrsHoarder Wed 03-Apr-13 20:12:47

Village what do you mean by "these days"? Private bedrooms used to be a lot less common and children would have seen the mating of livestock in pre-industrial times.

tilder Wed 03-Apr-13 20:21:34

I totally get the need to talk to children early about sex. I remember the foul jokes we used to tell in primary school (i was 9 when I first heard the chocolate biscuit one, not sure how much I understood though). Really must start the chats with my kids.

Have to say though I would feel a little uncomfortable with a 7 year old hearing a sigh and the reaction being that it sounds like a lady having sex. I would wonder what type of conversations have gone on and with whom, as it sounds like more than a few 'how babies are made' or what are periods/wetdream conversations.

Why does knowing about sex mean a child isn't innocent? Its basic biology confused

Catchingmockingbirds Wed 03-Apr-13 20:33:55

On the one hand I think it's important to arm children with knowledge about sex, but on the other hand I just think 7 is far too young to know such details about sex such as what noises are made. My son is 6 and only a couple of months ago he learnt that girls don't have a penis, they have a vagina instead. I'm not sure if I'd want him knowing all about sex in just a years time.

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