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Not to want my 7 year old to know about sex?

(74 Posts)
chubbymummy Wed 03-Apr-13 16:57:25

Ds (7) has a friend round to play. They were upstairs messing around on the keyboard and pressing the different sound effects. One of them is a woman sighing. Ds's friend then laughed and said "It sounds like a lady having sex." It then went quiet. After he regained his composure Dh shouted upstairs "Right, keyboard away now lads." They put it away without question and found something else to do (I think ds assumed they were making too much noise). This friend has never come across as streetwise unlike a lot of the children locally and we're glad he and Ds have become friends. Dh and I are really shocked by what we heard and don't know if we should raise it with Ds later or just pretend it never happened. We're both fairly sure that Ds had no idea what his friend meant. I am nowhere near ready to have a conversation with him about sex. I could probably handle him asking questions about how babies are made and would be able to give him some age appropriate answers but this isn't about reproduction. What the friend was referring to is sex for pleasure and that is a whole other subject that I was hoping not to have to tackle for a good few years yet (complete with obligatory lecture about the law, contraception and STD's). How much do your children know about sex or how much did they know at 7? He hasn't had any sex education in school yet by the way. I know it's pathetic but I feel so sad, I'm not ready for my little boy to be so worldly. I want him to be a child and think about childish things not sex! Oh no, I bet you're all going to tell me that I need to wind my neck in and and stop being so PFB aren't you?

sherazade Wed 03-Apr-13 17:01:22

YANBU

ApocalypseThen Wed 03-Apr-13 17:01:28

Well, yes, frankly. Sex is just a bodily function, in the end. You're making out that not knowing about it is delightful childish innocence and knowing about it is somehow the death of childhood. Neither is true.

But I'd definitely tell him early the way you'd like him to hear about it rather than leaving it up to the schoolyard.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 03-Apr-13 17:01:35

Has the lad got older siblings? That would explain a lot...if not, I would be a bit worried too.

But yabu a bit as my DD who is 8 knows all about sex and where babies come from. I had to tell her gradually as I just did not want puberty to come as a shock and it can happen at 9 these days...quote often does too.

KateDillington Wed 03-Apr-13 17:01:49

I doubt he will ask anything, but if he does, just answer it in a correct manner.

At 7, I'm surprised he hasn't asked these questions yet. It will be playground banter all the time. Why do you think sex makes someone any less innocent? It's not a bad thing. smile

What do you think he might ask?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 03-Apr-13 17:02:11

I also think you need to get a good book and read it with DS...or he'll be hearing all kinds of crap about it in the playground.

kinkyfuckery Wed 03-Apr-13 17:05:03

YANBU.

I am terrified of having to tell my DC1 (8 this week) about sex. I don't want her to know that things go in things, as she's likely to start putting things in things! I have no idea if that is related to her ASD or if it's just her but she has had incidences in the past of putting things into things and hurting/upsetting herself.
I know I lose parenting points for saying so, but really I have no idea what/when I will tell her stuff blush

EarnestDullard Wed 03-Apr-13 17:06:11

I think a 7yo wanting to know where babies come from is one thing (disclaimer: my eldest is only 3yo so I'm not talking from personal experience), a 7yo talking about sex noises is quite different, so YANBU in that respect.

SantanaLopez Wed 03-Apr-13 17:06:24

I don't want my 7 year old to know about porn but I do think they should know about sex.

SantanaLopez Wed 03-Apr-13 17:07:46

Ah, sorry, I skimmed that a little bit. I agree with Earnest.

You need to tell him about the basics, you don't want him learning about sex from the school playground, there were alsorts of panics at my primary school about cuddling causing pregnancy, also it will teach him boundries and whats right and wrong.

Already you are aware of an inappropriate conversation and him not understanding, that will be happening at school too and he will be (probably wrongly) piecing information together.

Toasttoppers Wed 03-Apr-13 17:09:49

Okay the kind of joking making it smutty kind of stuff the boy said is something I would not like. However dc should know about sex and relationships at quite a young age and what are appropriate boundaries.

My friend deals with sex offenders for a living, she advised me to do this.DC were told the basics in age appropriate language at about 5. DD lost her virginity at 21 so it's not like it made her want to experiment at a young age.

DS school did quite in depth sex ed at 7.

pigletmania Wed 03-Apr-13 17:11:47

Yanbu at all, I totally agree with you, but I would nt offer information until one of my dc asks (dd asd 6, ds 14 months). I am certainly not going to impart any information just yet. It's up to you as parents to do as you see fit.

RevoltingPeasant Wed 03-Apr-13 17:12:33

I don't have DC yet but I know that at 7 I did know about sex for reproduction and pleasure.

This is a very personal view, but I feel strongly that you can't and shouldn't separate the two. My parents bought me an age-appropriate book which discussed 'special cuddles' between grown ups and how these could lead to a baby, but sometimes it was just for fun.

I don't think there is anything wrong with this. A child can appreciate physical play that is just for fun, and knowing grown ups have a special way of playing that is only for grown ups is fine, imo.

Also, by 8-9 loads of children are talking about this on the playground. It doesn't mean they have been abused or anything, it's just a hilarious bodily function like having a poo.

RevoltingPeasant Wed 03-Apr-13 17:14:07

Also disagree that this is 'smut', necessarily. 7yo boys find willies etc hilarious. This is just part of that. I think seeing it as being all 'phnar phnar' is adult projection onto silly, innocent child's play.

Not all silly, innocent play is appealing or tasteful...!

DisorganisednotDysfunctional Wed 03-Apr-13 17:15:23

No, I don't think YABU. At 7 my DSs knew only that babies grew in mummies' tummies. I'd have been worried too. How does your DS's friend know that "It sounds like a lady having sex." That's what I'd want to know.

My younger DS was very upset by another boy showing him extreme porn online. He was older than your DS, 11, but it really freaked him out. Luckily he told me while we were sharing a room on holiday and we had a long, long talk in the dark which resolved the issue. Darkness is helpful when someone wants to talk about embarrassing things.

As you say, your DS didn't understand what his friend said, and I would ignore it, as you did.

But that doesn't answer the question: How would a 7yo know what a lady having sex sounds like? Sounds as if he's either been exposed to something in rl or, in my view more likely, an older child has shown him stuff online.

I'm very bad at confronting people about sensitive stuff, especially other parents. But if I were the sort of person who had the courage I'd go and speak to his mum. Tell her what he said. Her response will tell you a lot. If she's as bothered as you are, she may be able to identify the older child and, more importantly, talk to her DS to find out what he's seen and what he made of it.

midastouch Wed 03-Apr-13 17:15:25

YANBU I don't intend on my DCs finding out about it till they're 21..... Hopefully?.....

pigletmania Wed 03-Apr-13 17:15:30

You don't have to tell your dc about sex at a young age if you don't want. I learned about sex late in my teens, it did not really egatively affect me. I have had relationships and married dh in my 20,s. I don't understand this rsh to tell dc about sex ultra early, like it's going to arm them if you dont

I think a child knowing about sex in a basic way is fine, and knowing that adult enjoy it doesn't ruin their innocence or take away their childhood.

Think you need to have a chat with him so he doesn't just go on what other kids say in the playground, although kids talk a lot of sh*t in the playground, I hear them every day, and mostly the other kids seem to take what they hear with a pinch of salt.

Does you DS's friend have older brothers? How would he even know what a woman having sex sounds like? Inappropriate tv possibly?

pigletmania Wed 03-Apr-13 17:17:00

I certainly was not scared of sex

RevoltingPeasant Wed 03-Apr-13 17:19:35

Btw, I didn't mean that you have to tell your chidlren about sex, obviously! That is clearly an individual choice.

But rather that I wouldn't assume the other child had been exposed to something naughty. He might have a 10yo brother, or accidentally walked in on his parents watching a soap opera, or anything like that--it's just life, I think, not a CP issue.

Mentioning it to the other mum might make you feel better, but do be prepared for her to say that she has chosen to inform her child about sex already, and if so, please don't imply that she has harmed him.

Fleecyslippers Wed 03-Apr-13 17:20:19

I would be seriously concerned about a 7 year old making that kind of comment tbh and wonder what the hell he is being exposed to and by who.

It could very well harm a child not to know about sex from someone with their best interests at heart,

If they aren't getting the information from their parents they could very well get misleading information from someone with their own agenda. The fact that parents haven't spoken to their child about it only encourages the secrecy element of it too.

50shadesofvomit Wed 03-Apr-13 17:25:51

Ds2 (my 6 year old) came home from school singing Gangnam Style which includes the words "Hey, sexy lady" His friends (including younger kids) all seem to know the lyrics too so I think that many children have heard the word sexy.

valiumredhead Wed 03-Apr-13 17:27:32

Ds knew about sex and reproduction by the time he was 7, he did not know about noises etc.

pigletmana education lets you make informed choices when and if the time is right. I think you are extremely naive if you think that leaving it until you are in your late teens might not lead to some very ill informed choices along the way. Sorry, but can't work out if your post is a piss take or not so I am assuming you are being serious.

I wouldn't automatically assume it's a CP issue at all either.

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