...to want to get married again? And WWYD?
Long time lurker, occasional poster, not a full-time MNer yet
Always wanted to be a mum. Met xh after uni and did everything 'properly' - moved in together, got married, had dd. Only after the fog of new parenting had lifted did I realise that we hardly knew each other, had got married for all the wrong reasons and had a relationship full of judgement (his), emotional unsupportiveness (both), emotional affairs (mine), guilt (mine) and insecurity (both). Since separating he has said he was glad I made a decision he wasn't brave enough to make and throughout our divorce and custody proceedings has continued to avoid taking responsibility for any decisions and yet made a fuss about every contact arrangement, I think just to create drama and cause me as much hurt as possible. male egos, eh? When I 'escaped', I thought I never wanted a relationship again, never mind marriage!
Then, after a typical post-break-up disaster of a relationship, I met dp on a dating site. It wasn't madly passionate but there was plenty of reason to keep seeing each other and the sex was/is amazing! Within weeks I was unexpectedly pregnant (copper coil 'miracle' baby ) and things have luckily gone from strength to strength He's great with dd, a great dad to ds, brilliantly supportive emotionally, financially and practically and loves me to bits. He'd said early on that he'd always thought he might like to get married one day but has since said that meeting me and seeing the divorce process from close hand has put him right off! He rightly says there are better ways to show commitment and better things to spend money on - so he is buying us a house and taking us on holiday
DP works ridiculously long hours and unsociable shift patterns so I am the main carer for ds. I am self-employed, although currently on 'maternity leave' so I have some independent earning power but not enough while caring for ds and dd (shared with her dad) to cover a mortgage should anything happen to dp. I am named as beneficiary at his work and for his pension but the house will be solely in his name and I will effectively be a SAHM and, at least in the short term, dependent on his salary.
I trust him implicitly to treat me kindly, even if things go tits up between us. He has a track record of continuing to help xgfs financially even after break-ups and he is genuinely considerate and respectful. Also, I've done the whole marriage thing so have no need to waddle down an aisle looking like a meringue
But I love him loads and I really think I'd like to be married to him. Wtf??!?
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AIBU?
AIBU, mercenary or hopelessly romantic...
28 replies
SoHHKB · 03/04/2013 08:39
OP posts:
buggerama ·
03/04/2013 09:20
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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