to resign myself to never ever meeting a naice man again...

(60 Posts)
drfayray Tue 02-Apr-13 13:32:46

I have been single for nearly two years. Ex twunt left after 24 years of marriage. I worked on recovery, etc etc and felt it was time to you know...dip the proverbial toe in the murky depths of dating. I joined RSVP, a big dating site here in Australia. WELL...I am currently writing up about all the crazee fuckwitts I encountered. I got rather tired of blokes sending me pix of their dicks, young kids! telling me they want to wank on my face and 76 year olds telling me they didn't need Viagra...

So I went offline for a bit. I met this guy (the WolfMan) and we had a thing for about 4 months but he had mental health issues and I suspect Asperger's too and I ended it. We are still friends though.

Then last week I decided that I should give online dating another go. A chappie called Neil contacted me reminding me that we had emailed before and that he had been quite disappointed when I disappeared. So we met for coffee yesterday.

When I was waiting for him, I felt this huge wave of something flood over me. I knew that he would not be suitable. I knew that I couldn't do this whole dating thing; putting myself out there for men whom I shouldn't even consider. Neil was a nice guy but not my type.

I am 51 but do not look my age (see my pix for proof of this!). I am clever, attractive, friendly, etc etc and yet I do not seem to attract men. Men in my age range (45-55) seem to want young girls. They consider women in the 48+ range to be 'boilers' or old chooks. I cannot describe how offensive I found this; one of the so-called dates told me this.

I have a good life filled with friends and my children. I do activities like Tango, run etc etc so it is not like I am stuck inside. But I am just not meeting any decent men.

So AIBU to resign myself to being single from now on?

drfayray Sat 06-Apr-13 00:23:41

Well, the guy chickened out. After I said ok I will meet him, he sent me a reply to say that he had thought things over and felt we were in different places ... Uh he has no idea about my life or the place I am at!
grin ah well. I replied saying that was rather rude and presumptuous of him to assume anything about my life.

My instincts were correct. Online dating is not for me.
I had a brilliant evening last night- dinner with a girlfriend then dancing Tango almost non- stop to the best music. And catching up with people who were so pleased to see me smile

I have a busy interesting life filled with great people. I need to appreciate that.

Men? Am I bothered? Nah ...gringringrin

Good luck with the name wink

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:08:25

DrFrayFray, good screen name! I'd like 'don'tcallmebaby'. (Australian group if i remember rightly! loved that song)

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:06:24

and also, I think 'takeyourhandoffmyleg' is very funny! Not sure I'd use that one but it's funny.

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:04:49

no no! loads of pervs would get all excited by that name!!

drfayray Fri 05-Apr-13 15:32:57

grin MansView...vair norti!

Mine was bachatababe..because I was really into Bachata (a dance style) and uh..I am a babe? The one before was this one; drfayray...Dr cos I am one; and fay ray which is the name of the female Weimaraner model dog that my fav artist William Wegman had. Not fay wray as some think...

And I sent an email to that bloke to say that yes I would like to meet him next week. This is the last one. I feel that I should as otherwise I would just wonder....

I am not expecting much.

I have suggested going to the West End; a cool suburb in Brisbane that I am familiar with and know a number of people who work and live there...

I will report back...

YouTheCat Fri 05-Apr-13 15:31:46

I did suggest 'TakeYourHandOffMyLeg' or something similar earlier. grin

MansView Fri 05-Apr-13 15:16:58

VirginOnTheRidiculous ?

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 09:53:12

Can anybody help me think of a screen name that conveys already before I even create a profile that I'm normal, independent, not the type to provide free sexual services etc... I'm hoping that when I get going, my profile and user name just won't appeal to a pervy type.

MimiSunshine Thu 04-Apr-13 20:20:50

Oh and my top two tips (coz clearly I'm an expert wink ) is:
Don't write war and peace on your profile, even if its site with a million boxes to fill in. You wouldn't hand so eone a personal manifesto if you met them in a bar. Just keep it short and snappy.

Don't get in to long email chats over a period of weeks, you'll build them up in your mind in to someone they're probably not.
Exchange a few to decide if they seem normal and then arrange to meet. See if you click and either move on or carry on.

MimiSunshine Thu 04-Apr-13 20:13:18

I think the issues with Internet dating are true at any age. The online shopping aspect allows people to be pickier than they would be in real life.
I've tried it a couple of times over the years, first time was match and I found all the blokes on their too old for me (I was early / mid 20s) and I honestly wanted to let them know they were the same age as my dad.

After a couple of years single I tried it again with POF, didn't get any of the scary / pervy messages that I know some people do, but I did turn one bloke down who didn't meet all 3 of my 'critical' criteria blush who I then randomly met him IRL and realised I was an idiot and shouldn't be so picky.
However I went on one date thankfully with a lovely bloke and we've been together ever since. grin

So like all relationships I think it's all about timing and being in the right mind frame to meet someone.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Thu 04-Apr-13 19:41:51

Two of my close friends met nice, respectable men at 49. All had recently come out of divorces. I was single in my twenties for ages. I think a drought is a drought. When some aquaintences meet/marry/have babies after 5 minutes of divorce, I do wonder how (iykwim).

SanctiMOMious Thu 04-Apr-13 19:13:28

You seem sane and not a pervert, you're the cream of the crop.

hairtearing Thu 04-Apr-13 16:22:09

Yeah, Its funny ten years ago internet relationships were seen as a little 'wierd' for 'wierd' people and aren't long lasting.

there's always a part of me that wonders would I have been alone forever had it not been for the net,. And its does feel that bit less 'valid' to have spoke first online.

DolomitesDonkey Thu 04-Apr-13 15:39:36

hairtearing You've described me. wink When we got married our registrar told us more than half the weddings she did were "internet marriages".

MansView Thu 04-Apr-13 15:36:14

yeah, I'm from the city (and work there) - but live the rural life (apart from the lack of woman haha) and I go to an exercise class on a friday - as well as the gym a few times a week...

I did get talking to a woman at the class but to be honest I didn't have a clue on if she was being friendly or flirting..! but that seems to have tailed off a bit now anyway... sad

hairtearing Thu 04-Apr-13 15:13:02

Internet dating I think has it purposes for certain people , even young people. I met my my hubby online, in my case I looked like a bulldog chewing wasps, was overweight and due to that was paralyzed with fear around people and was too shy to talk to anyone *especially boys hides.

you can plan what you say etc, plus the world is less 'community' based i.e the days when everyone knew everyone, a village raised a child are over and people are more insular and busy.

Put ime the first comment I sent my hubby was something like 'ooh you're from my neck of the woods etc' on a pic more chatty, rather than
'yeah baby inbox me' although women don't generally do that more men,
maybe its a technique you could try grin

Its possibly different when you're older,

Latara Thu 04-Apr-13 14:52:33

drfayray definitley meet up, like LittleTyga says there's nothing to lose and he could know other single men (if he's not for you).

I'd forgotten you are in Aussie; the weather must be lovely and hot too!

LittleTyga Thu 04-Apr-13 14:29:33

Go! What have you got to lose? You might make a good friend - or he might not be the one but you've had a day out and experienced something different.

drfayray Thu 04-Apr-13 14:14:42

Put your pix up MansView...let's have a gander at you...I have some pix of myself up on here. Let us judge your looks, eh? grin

I have had another request to meet from another bloke chappie who also remembered me from 18 months ago. That is flattering I guess...

He emailed me tonight to ask if we could meet sometime next week. He lives in the Gold Coast; I am in Brisbane. This one was a leetle bit more promising in that he is 4 years older than I am, was a barrister and then taught English in Japan and is now taking a break doing hikes in the National Parks....But I dunno...it all seems like so much hard work..the anticipation, then the meet..then the disappointment...Heavy sigh..He is tall though. And seems to have a spine unlike the last bloke...his pix are ok although I am slightly concerned about the metal fan type hair...

He writes well enough...

What do I do? I have not replied yet...in fact am not going to until maybe Sunday as I am rather busy at the mo...

Should I meet him...this is the last one from teh innernez. My profile is gone for good.

Latara Thu 04-Apr-13 13:56:44

MansView try eg. Match.com if you are serious about internet dating as i know friends who've had good relationships from that site & similar sites that you have to pay for.

Chemistry is good but can be a 'red herring' - if your personalities don't gel during the date then having chemistry together isn't going to make a relationship.

Do you live within 30 miles or so (ie half hour drive) of a larger town? If so, it's worth going there more often for drinks or even supermarket shopping, or to join a gym - there will be more women around than in the rural area. smile

MansView Thu 04-Apr-13 13:37:00

I'm only joking ladies smile

tho, POF, well, I've had mixed results on there - I've met people who I wouldn't of normally met...but chemistry is the thing (I'm 42 btw), and you have to meet up with people ime - a lot of people just seem to want to chat... sad

plus if you think about the name of the site - plenty of fish...seems to treat people like a commodity (easy come, easy go...), you talk to one person one day, and the next day they aren't interested...

I do see myself as being fairly handsome - but I'm a bit shy, and don't smile enough haha..!

LittleTyga Wed 03-Apr-13 20:32:36

May I offer a ray of hope?

My partner was killed in a road accident when I was pregnant with dd2. She is now nearly 8 - I'm late 40's and have met a lovely, kind, considerate, funny single dad.

I was not looking for a man though - we became friends through our children and soon realised there was a spark there. I had been single for 7 years and thought I had had sex for the last time, without knowing it at the time! Was quite a galling thought!

Don't give up. There are good men out there!

dayshiftdoris Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:53

I joined POF after my friend met someone on there and encouraged me to do the same...

1 search later and my matches were her ex, another friends ex and a man named Peter who liked sandwiches.

And that ladies and gentlemen is why i have been single (apart from one fling) for 10 years at the age of 34!!!

SanctiMOMious Wed 03-Apr-13 20:14:27

I can believe that, that if you threw a satsuma around waitrose you'd have a better chance of meeting somebody nice. But you see somebody nice in waitrose, you might smile, they might smile........... one friendly comment, one jokey reply, and then {puff} of smoke and they're gone.

villagebird Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:31

Oh just one thing to add. I went 'on the off chance' to my local Waitrose to get few bits one evening about 7pm. Well. never seen so many nice blokes wandering around with their baskets on their own !

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