to resign myself to never ever meeting a naice man again...

(60 Posts)
drfayray Tue 02-Apr-13 13:32:46

I have been single for nearly two years. Ex twunt left after 24 years of marriage. I worked on recovery, etc etc and felt it was time to you know...dip the proverbial toe in the murky depths of dating. I joined RSVP, a big dating site here in Australia. WELL...I am currently writing up about all the crazee fuckwitts I encountered. I got rather tired of blokes sending me pix of their dicks, young kids! telling me they want to wank on my face and 76 year olds telling me they didn't need Viagra...

So I went offline for a bit. I met this guy (the WolfMan) and we had a thing for about 4 months but he had mental health issues and I suspect Asperger's too and I ended it. We are still friends though.

Then last week I decided that I should give online dating another go. A chappie called Neil contacted me reminding me that we had emailed before and that he had been quite disappointed when I disappeared. So we met for coffee yesterday.

When I was waiting for him, I felt this huge wave of something flood over me. I knew that he would not be suitable. I knew that I couldn't do this whole dating thing; putting myself out there for men whom I shouldn't even consider. Neil was a nice guy but not my type.

I am 51 but do not look my age (see my pix for proof of this!). I am clever, attractive, friendly, etc etc and yet I do not seem to attract men. Men in my age range (45-55) seem to want young girls. They consider women in the 48+ range to be 'boilers' or old chooks. I cannot describe how offensive I found this; one of the so-called dates told me this.

I have a good life filled with friends and my children. I do activities like Tango, run etc etc so it is not like I am stuck inside. But I am just not meeting any decent men.

So AIBU to resign myself to being single from now on?

MimiSunshine Thu 04-Apr-13 20:13:18

I think the issues with Internet dating are true at any age. The online shopping aspect allows people to be pickier than they would be in real life.
I've tried it a couple of times over the years, first time was match and I found all the blokes on their too old for me (I was early / mid 20s) and I honestly wanted to let them know they were the same age as my dad.

After a couple of years single I tried it again with POF, didn't get any of the scary / pervy messages that I know some people do, but I did turn one bloke down who didn't meet all 3 of my 'critical' criteria blush who I then randomly met him IRL and realised I was an idiot and shouldn't be so picky.
However I went on one date thankfully with a lovely bloke and we've been together ever since. grin

So like all relationships I think it's all about timing and being in the right mind frame to meet someone.

MimiSunshine Thu 04-Apr-13 20:20:50

Oh and my top two tips (coz clearly I'm an expert wink ) is:
Don't write war and peace on your profile, even if its site with a million boxes to fill in. You wouldn't hand so eone a personal manifesto if you met them in a bar. Just keep it short and snappy.

Don't get in to long email chats over a period of weeks, you'll build them up in your mind in to someone they're probably not.
Exchange a few to decide if they seem normal and then arrange to meet. See if you click and either move on or carry on.

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 09:53:12

Can anybody help me think of a screen name that conveys already before I even create a profile that I'm normal, independent, not the type to provide free sexual services etc... I'm hoping that when I get going, my profile and user name just won't appeal to a pervy type.

MansView Fri 05-Apr-13 15:16:58

VirginOnTheRidiculous ?

YouTheCat Fri 05-Apr-13 15:31:46

I did suggest 'TakeYourHandOffMyLeg' or something similar earlier. grin

drfayray Fri 05-Apr-13 15:32:57

grin MansView...vair norti!

Mine was bachatababe..because I was really into Bachata (a dance style) and uh..I am a babe? The one before was this one; drfayray...Dr cos I am one; and fay ray which is the name of the female Weimaraner model dog that my fav artist William Wegman had. Not fay wray as some think...

And I sent an email to that bloke to say that yes I would like to meet him next week. This is the last one. I feel that I should as otherwise I would just wonder....

I am not expecting much.

I have suggested going to the West End; a cool suburb in Brisbane that I am familiar with and know a number of people who work and live there...

I will report back...

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:04:49

no no! loads of pervs would get all excited by that name!!

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:06:24

and also, I think 'takeyourhandoffmyleg' is very funny! Not sure I'd use that one but it's funny.

SanctiMOMious Fri 05-Apr-13 19:08:25

DrFrayFray, good screen name! I'd like 'don'tcallmebaby'. (Australian group if i remember rightly! loved that song)

drfayray Sat 06-Apr-13 00:23:41

Well, the guy chickened out. After I said ok I will meet him, he sent me a reply to say that he had thought things over and felt we were in different places ... Uh he has no idea about my life or the place I am at!
grin ah well. I replied saying that was rather rude and presumptuous of him to assume anything about my life.

My instincts were correct. Online dating is not for me.
I had a brilliant evening last night- dinner with a girlfriend then dancing Tango almost non- stop to the best music. And catching up with people who were so pleased to see me smile

I have a busy interesting life filled with great people. I need to appreciate that.

Men? Am I bothered? Nah ...gringringrin

Good luck with the name wink

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