Was my partner unreasonable? Or am I just an annoying backseat driver?

(108 Posts)
SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 22:51:10

My partner drove me and a friend out for dinner (so we would be able to have a glass of wine with dinner)

We were driving on a long stretch of road where there are fairly recent (less than a year) speed cameras.

I could see that he was driving at 56 and the limit is 50. So I quickly said slow down because there are speed cameras. He snapped back that yes he knew, I then said the speed is 50 and he again snapped back with - yes I know and that's just the average speed anyway so stop being an annoying backseat driver.

There was an awkward silence. Think my friend felt uncomfortable.

I tend not to ever comment if someone else is driving as it can be annoying, but felt I should say something as I wouldn't want him to get points or a fine.

LaQueen Mon 01-Apr-13 23:18:13

If someone nagged me for doing 56, in a 50 zone...I wouldn't be driving them again.

TheDetective Mon 01-Apr-13 23:18:15

If I see a camera, I always warn someone if they are driving. Especially my mum, who if she got points, and I didn't say something would definitely blame me for it. Even if I wasn't in the car it would still be my fucking fault. Obviously.

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:18:45

No other form of comment on driving is acceptable, however, from either party.

I honestly never comment on any other part of his (or anyone else's driving) - unless maybe they were about to hit something.

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 23:20:09

Because I hope they get caught speeding.

I got ran over as a child, the women was doing the speed limit but it still resulted in me have 3 operations and still have pain in my leg. I believe I would have been killed if this women was speeding.

TheDetective Mon 01-Apr-13 23:20:43

Why would you sit in a car with someone driving dangerously? And driving over the speed limit is dangerous, to yourself, and others using the road.

I wouldn't want an accident, or injury, or even death on my conscience. I'd rather say something and be thought annoying.

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:21:16

If someone nagged me for doing 56, in a 50 zone...I wouldn't be driving them again

That's twisting the story though. I never said we were driving in a 50 zone and bf was going 56! I was shocked and nagged him until he slowed down.

We were approaching a speed camera. I'd have warned anyone.

Iaintdunnuffink Mon 01-Apr-13 23:22:56

"No other form of comment on driving is acceptable, however, from either party"

I warned my husband last month that the traffic lights were red, then I screamed it again as he carried on. He screeched to a halt well over the line.

MintChocCh1p Mon 01-Apr-13 23:23:59

Ha ha. Poor OP.

Can you imagine the reverse?

' I noticed my other half was doing 56 in a 50 zone. He probably assumed the limit was 60 as it's a new road. Anyway, I couldn't be arsed to tell him , merely thought ' ah well, his license, heh heh heh '

DONT BE SO RIDICULOUS. Of COURSE she was right to point it out to him.

willowstar Mon 01-Apr-13 23:24:02

I would have said something without even thinking about it and my husband would do the same...we live rurally and have to drive to survive and are piss poor so wouldn't want the fines. I can't imagine him reacting like your partner all. You were not being unreasonable.

pompompom Mon 01-Apr-13 23:24:17

If DP is driving over the speed limit, I ask him to slow down. Don't get what the problem is tbh.

I'm a bit baffled by these responses OP..

You kindly warn your husband he's about to go through a speed limit whilst driving too fast and you're the unreasonable one?

Okaaaay.

ComposHat Mon 01-Apr-13 23:28:03

Having an appalling backseat driving partner, I can sympathise with your husband. Do you drive too OP? She has never sat behind the wheel of a car in her life, but it doesn't stop her doing a running critical commentary.

'Get your bloody foot down' - on icy/wet/busy roads if I dare do less than the speed limit.
'Overtake overtake' - on a twisty country lane with numerous blind bends.
'it's only on amber - what you bloody playing at?'

If I listened to any of the 'helpful' suggestions of a lifelong non-driver with a shaky grip on the highway code and left or right, I'd have lost my licence years ago.

It is counter-productive and makes my driving 500 times worse as I am dreading the next critical comment. I got so sick of it on one journey that I pulled over to the side of the road and explained that if there was one more squeak on the remainder of the journey that I would drop her at the next bus or train station and she could make her own way home and it would be the last time I'd ever drive her anywhere.

Speed camera*

Numberlock Mon 01-Apr-13 23:29:12

But he did kick me out of the car and then when I walked home he'd locked me out and set fire to all my clothes.

Was that supposed to be a joke or what?

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:29:24

Thank you to the posters who agree - mainly because I thought I was going crazy and was a nagging psycho girlfriend haha.

To the posters who disagree - I do agree that backseat drivers are bloody annoying. Whenever I drive my mum anywhere we will fall out because of her constant - Watch out for that car! Stop!! - or just her general wincing. It drives me crazy.

When I warned BF it was more of a reaction, we were approaching it literally about to go by it, could sense he was going fast and it was my instinct to say it.

If he got points it could potentially impact on his job or insurance which would have an effect on both of us.

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:30:52

I should point out that I can and do drive too.

TidyDancer Mon 01-Apr-13 23:31:08

I would probably say as others have suggested and just pointed out that there were cameras.

I can't work out if you're serious about the reaction from DP though....

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 01-Apr-13 23:32:13

SouthernComforts

"You kindly warn your husband he's about to go through a speed limit whilst driving too fast and you're the unreasonable one?"

even the OP says that shge "nagged" him to slow down.

"I was shocked and nagged him until he slowed down"

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:33:20

She has never sat behind the wheel of a car in her life, but it doesn't stop her doing a running critical commentary

But ... I have sat behind the wheel of a car, most days of the week for the last seven years.

I also don't give anyone a running critical commentary. I just warned him that there was a speed camera ahead.

ComposHat Mon 01-Apr-13 23:33:37

But on that specific point OP I don't think you were being unreasonable, I just find constant back seat drivers annoying and dangerous.

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:35:20

Boney I said that in a sarcastic way which is why it isn't in the OP and you totally took what I said out of context.

As what I said was -

That's twisting the story though. I never said we were driving in a 50 zone and bf was going 56! I was shocked and nagged him until he slowed down.

I assumed most people would get that I was being sarcastic ....

SongoftheSiren Mon 01-Apr-13 23:36:09

Thanks ComposHat and yes I very much agree with your last sentence.

TheDetective Mon 01-Apr-13 23:37:16

Yes Song I understood what you said, and was about to point the same out to Boney.

Booyhoo Mon 01-Apr-13 23:39:37

if my partner had points and more would mean a loss of license or increase in car insurance/fine that would impact the family finances then hell yes i would remind him of cameras.

however i wouldn't be able to tell teh difference between 50 and 56 if i was a passenger in a car. they would feel pretty identical to me without looking at the speedometer.

at 56, if there were no cameras i wouldn't mention it. it's not a dangerous excess like 70 in a 50 so i wouldn't be worried for my safety and wouldn't say. but if there was a chance he would get caught and it would cost the family money then yes i would.

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 01-Apr-13 23:39:42

Song

Its always difficult to tell the tone of a post from the written word.

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