To scream at the next person who says they'd sort her sleep ??

(59 Posts)
Softlysoftly Mon 01-Apr-13 22:43:20

Dd2 is 10 months she's a fucking awful sleeper. Did pick up put down in Jan and achieved only 3 wakings a night. 4 wks on and she gets a cold back to square 1 of needing feeding/resettling every 45m to 2 hrs max all night. Even if Co sleeping which I am trying to stop as I'm getting too tired for it to be safe and though I love it I did it scary.

Only about v3 occasions have a I had help, in all this time I've had 1 night where I've had more than 4 hrs of unbroken sleep and that was sat upright on a chair with her on my lap. I feel like a fuckibg awful useless mother as the dds are wonderful in the day yet come bedtime we end up in a mess. Last night I had 2 hrs sleep in total, tonight I have been horrible to dd1 and let dd2 scream and bang her head on the cot as I bury my head in a pillow for 5 minutes just to get a grip to carry on.

And yet knowing this wtaf do several people in mylife think saying smugly "leave her with me 1 night I'll sort her out, shell sleep for me" including mil, bil....

cheeseandbiscuitsplease Tue 02-Apr-13 22:00:00

I can completely sympathie. I have 2 gorgeous dc's but neither of them great sleeper. Little fella is 7 and slept through 5 times, little girl is 3 and has slept through about 6 times. We all end up co sleeping and we have even bought a super king bed so at least we've all got a bit of room. It's hard work, I tried everything with both of them. Couldn't listen to them cry - yes I''m probably soft but I can't help but remember my sons words when he was about 3 when he said he wanted to be with me and daddy and not on his own smile makes sense really. I don't care what people say . We wake up much more rested than we did before with constant back and forth, crying etc. it's not ideal I guess and not everyone's cup
Of tea but it won't be forever and they start off in their own beds so I generally get 4 hours sleep before they come through. Do what works for you. I just couldn't go on battling and I didn't give up easily like people assume I did. I've had almost 8 years of interrupted sleep now. It's not easy and only people who have been in the same boat understand.

NumericalMum Tue 02-Apr-13 21:50:37

Please do investigate dairy intolerance! I had to beg my GP to refer us to a paed promising we would get BUPA to pay. It changed our lives, but like you I was poo-pooed so much I ended up waiting til she was 2. One of my biggest regrets! Take care!

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 12:27:20

grin at munchkin

Good point mandragora

MandragoraWurzelstock Tue 02-Apr-13 12:24:13

I will gloss over the thing about digestive issues as I'm no use on that stuff, but fwiw from your OP it sounds like you feel a failure for having a child who doesn't sleep all night at 10 months.

This is totally NORMAL.

Sleep will come. It is often better to relax your expectations, grit your teeth and get on with it as best you can, than to get involved in any sort of fight with a not-sleeping baby (I mean a fight in terms of training, complaining to others about it, feeling rubbish about it etc)

People will just say crap like that if you mention it like it's a problem

People always ask me here, 'is he good' meaning I think 'does he sleep' and frankly no he doesn't sleep at convenient times because most babies don't.
and he's a baby.

So I just say 'well he is doing his best'. It's true, he is, and he is doing what babies do and that's fine because it will pass - keep your little one as near as feasible, at night especially - put the cot by the bed etc - this minimises you having to get up to them, if co sleeping isn't working for you.

It will pass. Ignore the fuckers smile

munchkinmaster Tue 02-Apr-13 12:17:46

Agree about the intolerance testing.
Hold a metal bar????
You could just send me a £20 note and I'll take a guess.......

reneaa2 Tue 02-Apr-13 11:46:39

I stopped telling people about how bad ds slept and now nobody even asks (he's 22 months and still wakes at night, although we are working on it).

I got fed up of advise and I got fed up if hearing how well other babies slept and the tiredness+jealousy of good sleepers was very bad!

I sort of lied at first when they asked and said we were 'working in it and hoped it would improve soon'.

After I stopped talking about it I actually felt less tired as I think I resigned myself to broken nights instead of being anxious about changing things.

I hope you feel less tired soon!

houseworkhater Tue 02-Apr-13 11:30:42

What a nightmare op.

Can I suggest a white noise tape. I had one for my dd. If I had it now I would post it to you. I can't remember the name of it but they must still sell them. It was so long ago now that it actually was a tape and not a cd.

It was just noise, but it did make my baby calm, Lord knows how but it did. Perhaps it was saying in baby talk "shut the f* up now and get to sleep!"

I used to go in and talk to my baby then play the tape. Sometimes I would have to go in again and play it again but I would definately recommend it.

On the positive side my terrible sleeping baby is now a 16 year old good sleeper. she doesn't need a lot of sleep though, so I think there is truth in saying not all baby's need lots of sleep.

Good luck.

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 11:06:42

Narmada
Agree.

pollypandemonium Tue 02-Apr-13 11:04:12
narmada Tue 02-Apr-13 11:02:11

There are no reliable tests for milk intolerance unless your baby has a severe anaphlaxis-type allergy. RAST blood test would prob show negative. Cutting dairy out of your diet if you are BF, plus soy, for a good couple of weeks might give you an indication of whetger that's the issue. If formula feeding, there are formulas where the proteins are broken down- an example is aptamil pepti. You can buy it from boots on special order.

If you are doing dietary restriction linger term then you will both need to see a dietician.

Feel for you, sounds grim, and having been there with DD1 I can sympathise.....

purplewithred Tue 02-Apr-13 10:57:00

PS, eventually I put aside two weeks and did controlled crying. It helped hugely, was no worse than I expected for the first few nights and astonishingly better within 4 or 5 days.

purplewithred Tue 02-Apr-13 10:54:15

I left terrible sleeper 18mo DD with my mum and aunt for a long weekend on the promise they'd fix her sleep. They didn't. And DS gave aunt a black eye (accidentally). Oh how I laughed. Not.

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 10:50:38

If you suspect signs of reflux then there are specific tests for this and your GP should be investigating the for you. Ditto with any real intolerance.

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 10:49:08

Poor softly.
YANBU
Excuse the rapid reply - got to dash but.....
People who think the sleep can be sorted just by being "strict" Orr using a particular trick are wrong and make me feel stabby!
I have a 2 yo who has on.y recently slept through and still wakes earlier than many of his peers.

I read Elizabeth pantley's "no cry sleep solution" and while the advice didn't work like magic, emerald erg helpful and these single, sensitive approach meant I no longer felt like killing myself after so long without sleep grin.
I found it a huge comfort in a difficult time. The sleep will improve. Do what you need to do. Hopefully your DH will be able to join in a bit more soon and that will help too.

With regard to the constipation. This is unlikely to be an intolerance. There are many quacks out there who will "diagnose" intolerances with questionable methods resulting in unhealthy dietary restrictions.
The constipation needs to be sorted. It is not good practice to repeatedly attempt a dietary approach as the sole solution. If there's not a swift improvement after an increase in fluids and fruit then medication is required and will need to be continued for some time to relieve the problem. This is not uncommon in children. See a different GP if your current one is fobbing you off.

maddening Tue 02-Apr-13 10:40:19

Yanbu - ds was an unput-downable baby and frequent night wakings - did pupd with some success but still night wakings.

A tummy bug for all of us ended in Co sleeping - ds and I on a king size mattress on ds' bedroom floor worked well for us. And now I can leave him for a bit before I go to bed.

Def investigate reflux/dairy intolerance/other intolerance.

It could also be teething or seperation anxiety.

Katz Tue 02-Apr-13 10:29:55

I'd start by keeping a food diary and see if there are any correlations between better nights/more poos and that days food intake. Take this to the doctor as a starting point and see what they suggest.

Katz Tue 02-Apr-13 10:28:11

softly - please speak to a doctor before trying elimination diets, it needs to be done correctly and just eliminating food can cause more problems than its solves.

Softlysoftly Tue 02-Apr-13 09:55:55

My sister had that for her dd when she had reflux and swears it works. I haven't been able to afford it on maternity leave but now I'm back in work may take a look. Thanks x

jendot how do you feel about charity work wink

Softlysoftly Tue 02-Apr-13 09:53:50

Thankyou for all the good advice im going to try elimination, will have to investigate how to do dairy free for her though what about my milk? <<clueless>>

sock Im collecting rancid fish as we speak!

IWatch the method Lemon have upthread may work for you it worked for dd1 who was more whine/cry than genuine meltdown uncontrollable emotionally. Work a shot? Though will be harder if you co sleep.

Bruised/text 2/3/12 seriously? ? <<LEAVES HOME>>

Hi again, just a thought as well that maybe some cranio-sacral osteopathy could help. Was talking to a lady recently whose baby did the most explosive poos after every session (changes of clothes required). I have had it lots since I was a child and always sleep like a log afterwards (as a child I used to fall asleep as soon as I got home).

jendot Tue 02-Apr-13 08:45:57

I used to work as a baby/ toddler sleep therapist.

MOST babies can be managed into a great sleep pattern. It's about finding problems and solving them. This is very difficult for emotionally involved and sleep deprived parents and pretty easy for an uninvolved, wide awake therapist!

HOWEVER I am totally happy to admit that there are some babies/ toddlers who are simply poor sleepers. In the same way there are some adults who don't sleep well. It is possible to aid sleep patterns but not always rectify. Sometimes you just have to accept that baby will only sleep from 10pm-6am and go with that...rather than enforce a 7pm bedtime for example!

I like the book 'the no cry sleep solution' it's a very gentle sleep conditioning program.

As a sleep therapist. I would say for every 100 babies there were 5 genuine poor sleepers, 4 of these who I could help and 1 of whom I made no difference to whatsoever!

Don't beat yourself up. Do the best you can, try to change the pattern that works best for you and our baby.
Remember that it will pass......

BruisedFanjo Tue 02-Apr-13 01:23:52

My DD was a truly awful sleeper. I hardly had 45 mins in a row of sleep until she was just about 2. She's 2and8months now and wow, she goes at least twice a week through the night and I'm counting only 3/4 wakings as a "bad" night now :D - seems to be common I think, when they start improving they improve quickly.

I haaaated the smug sleep brigade though - they usually talk shit anyway. I was recommended brandy. In a bottle. A full legal measures worth. Mixed with milk, as "well it IS for the baby"... What?!

I also had a doctor tell me "when she cries, you should try cuddling her"... As opposed to what I was doing, which was clearly putting her in the garden so I could hear the TV properly <*hides DD shaped dent in belly from her being held by me for 20 hours a day, every day, her entire life at this point*>

Constipation is tough in littlies as obviously they can't tell you how they feel etc. Intolerances are a good to check out, some posters with great advice here and your gp will help I'm sure - don't let them poopoo you!
Warm baths with gentle tummy rubs always seemed to help my DD - and DSS who has had constipation to the point of impaction before. Bringing baby's knees up to tummy and down again too. All gentle and warm water/warm blanket over tummy.

... Or letting them have "nappy free" running around time on the light beige carpet works, too angry.

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Tue 02-Apr-13 01:05:10

I feel your pain.

My dd is 13 months. Terrible sleeper since she was born! Never slept more than 3/4 hours in a row - and she's only done 3/4 hours on a few occasions!

I put her to bed about 7:30/8.....I will go to bed at 12ish....she will wake up about 4 times by then.

We co-sleep too. Still breastfeeding - she drinks about twice during the night.
When she wakes up she has to have my nipple to go back to sleep.
She just wakes up constantly.

Sorry to hi jack but I'm desperate for advice too!
I don't know what to do :-(
I am tired but I somehow have managed to adjust.

She has also been really constipated for the past month - doctor has given us movicol to try. She's always been a bad sleeper though so not like that's the reason :-(

She just can't sleep for longer periods of time?
We have the same routine every evening.

When she wakes up it's a whinge cry - but it's quite an upset one.
If I ignored her she would definitely go mad. I've tried to withhold the nipple sometimes to see if she will settle she just starts crying really loudly.

I don't know why she can't just stay asleep for a few hours!!!!

ditziness Tue 02-Apr-13 01:04:27

Many sympathies. Could have written your OP

textfan Tue 02-Apr-13 00:49:36

Been there done it got the t shirt keyring etc etc!!! Mines now 12 yo n still not a good sleeper. Til 3yo I tried EVERYTHING and for reasonable lengths of time too. At 5 yo I finally had a child that slept through the night but...was awake 530am every day n woke me too. At 12yo still an early riser whatever time bedtime was but knows not to wake me!! By 3yo I was catching up on sleep by naps at weekends when dad on duty. New business or whatever it's his child too! Insist on breaks for sleep with dad taking over 2 days a week (doesn't have to be weekends)

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