To think that Facebook really exposes those people who have narcissistic tendencies?

(85 Posts)
CelticPixie Mon 01-Apr-13 19:24:18

For the record, I like Facebook. I like how it allows me to keep in touch with friends and relatives who live a long way from me. What I don't like is how certain people ( and it is always the same people) seem to use it as means of feeding their narcissism. I rarely update my status unless I have something to say, and then its usually something light hearted. I know for a fact that no one else would give a shit if I was "Pissed off" or if I'd "just had egg and chips for tea" or if I was going to have a "lovely night out with the girls". I never, ever respond to status' like this because I feel I'd just be reinforcing these people's deluded sense of how important and interesting they are when they are nothing of the sort.

Sometimes I just want to reply saying something of the lines of "who gives a shit?" And the worrying thing is its usually the people I've always liked a lot and got on with in real life saying this stuff?

AIBU to think that they are just narcs?

justaboutalittlefrazzled Tue 02-Apr-13 01:08:57

I have lots of lovely friends on FB who post interesting things about their lives.

Is there some other FB I am missing?

SneezingwakestheJesus Tue 02-Apr-13 01:47:57

randomtask, my stepbrother's wife posted pics of the bed strewn with rose petals in valentines day followed later by a picture of them both tucked up in bed, clearly naked (covered just enough with sheet though) and sweaty. That was the day I decided to hide her posts <vomits>

ArtVandelay Tue 02-Apr-13 08:10:29

Sneezing! That is horrific!

OP I think you are being U and also your definition of narcisisstic is wrong. Your "lighthearted" posts might be annoying others, think about that!

If you have all these fixed ideas about what constitutes correct and wrong FB behaviour then maybe its not for you. Not worth getting upset about - its supposed to be fun.

CelticPixie Tue 02-Apr-13 09:58:48

One of my other bugbears is people who announce that they are having a "friends clear out". Why do you need to tell everyone that you are doing that? I'd just do it because most people would be none the wiser. I think people who do that want you to beg for their friendship. Quite recently a girl who I was at school with and who is one of the worst attention seekers on FB did just that, so I posted my own update a few minutes later saying:

"Why do some people feel the need to tell everyone that they are having a friends clear out? Just do it and stop looking for attention"

I got a lot of likes for that comment so clearly most people feel the same, but I was almost immediately unfriended by said girl. Not that I care, she was an annoying gobshite anyway.

My friends are usually very sensible, but recently a group of them went abroad and had (what looked like) an amazing holiday - all very lovely, i enjoyed mooching through the pictures, catching up with gossip etc - except they went away with the younger sister of one of our friends - she is doing my damn head in! Before they went we had all 6 of them tagged in count down status' daily then hourly then airports etc, she then spent the whole 2 weeks checking them into every place they visited and since their return has posted at least twice daily about them all + she keeps re-posting the photos with everyone tagged ... This is a group of my good friends so its not like i can just block the updates! All of them have mentioned how annoyed she is making them, she is 23 ffs so not even a teenAger! Its just ridiculous!

Rant over ha ha

maddening Tue 02-Apr-13 10:50:45

I think Facebook reveals lots about some people - as a social tool it is fab for discovering people for what they are.

saycheeeeeese Tue 02-Apr-13 11:01:36

It's the profile photos that crack me up, they are clearly taking the photo themselves but try to make it look unstaged. My best friend does this, winds me up but she is a very narcissistic person so I think it's probably normal for her. she also takes photos of her fake nails which baffles me
However I agree with the pp who said that people who just use FB as a way to spy and don't contribute are actually worse than those who use it as a diary.

uncongenial Tue 02-Apr-13 11:01:39

'Narc' is bandied around far too frequently and casually for my liking these days. From that point of view yabu
I don't have people like this on Facebook, I deleted or hid them as soon as I discovered any tendencies I found irritating. You should do similar.

uncongenial Tue 02-Apr-13 11:02:40

Responding to status updates, with a passive aggressive one of your own, is rather childish.

SneezingwakestheJesus Tue 02-Apr-13 11:04:06

I have one that niggles me every time I see it. Someone who always posts pretty casual statuses and then they'll post something like "would like to congratulate so-and-so on the birth of their child/their marriage/their new job". Why not, erm, just congratulate them then?! Its the "would like to" that's gets me every time. Nearly as niggling is when people post birth announcements worded the same way "would like to announce the birth of". Its the "would like to" again. Its like they are a celebrity giving a press release or something!

ilikemysleep Tue 02-Apr-13 11:04:46

Oh yes. I have one friend who constantly posts semi-naked pictures of herself, pictures of her looking sultry, pictures in her new 'fuck-me' boots- yesterday was pic in the new bikini. All taken by herself. I think she is either a narcissist or very lacking in self esteem and seeking external validation. I don't need to see a 2 min video of a '40 something' woman wiggling while putting on her lipstick, taken herself. I have another friend who only updates with how sick he is at the minute. I find it very interesting...

lovetomoan Tue 02-Apr-13 14:12:33

We all have those friends. One only updates about how bad she feels and every time she's got a cold/flu/headache, nothing serious.

And the friend who has cancer is the one who does not complain and even whilst ill herself is doing things to collect money for other people who have cancer (they don't live in the UK).

Just shows.

YABU, each to their own, we all have different personalities and you are incorrect to describe anyone as being a “Narc” based on how they use a social media site. I hate the light hearted stuff, but enjoying seeing the photos of my friends and their updates when out. It is an easy way of keeping everyone informed and up to date. Get rid of your jealously and try being happy for people that you profess to like (otherwise de-friend). I usually in box someone who posts that they are having a shit day, but so what if others don't and it stops the feelings of isolation.

YANBU at all. I left Facebook due to the totally over the top status updates bragging about this that and the other. It was all really fake posturing from a few people I know trying to portray themselves as something they really weren't if you actually knew them. And soliciting adoration from their 'friends' in a cringeworthy 'You go girl!!!' style.

I am obviously a complete bitch though.

MintyyAeroEgg Tue 02-Apr-13 14:43:21

As a relatively new and infrequent user of Facebook, I agree that it is an eye-opener but what it reveals to me about the people who post those irritating statuses generally isn't a surprise. I tend to find that the people who I thought might be a little bit arseholish in some respects actually ARE and that is funny.

I hide everything from the over-sharers as I just don't have the time or interest to look at them all but don't want to get into trouble for de-friending people as I hadn't realised what a no-no that seems to be.

I am bemused by the people who have, say, 200 friends but, when wanting to make social arrangements with a handful of them, will put it as a status update rather than sending private messages. What's that all about then?

MintyyAeroEgg Tue 02-Apr-13 14:45:12

"I think Facebook reveals lots about some people - as a social tool it is fab for discovering people for what they are."

Couldn't agree more, Maddening.

Maat Tue 02-Apr-13 14:51:16

I have a FB account to keep in touch with family/friends, but rarely post.

It doesn't bother me how much / how little information others put on there, I can easily ignore.

One thing I have found though is, when I meet up socially with people who are always updating FB, I haven't really got anything to chat to them about because I know practically everything that they have been up to since we last met.

For example. if they had been on holiday I would usually ask how their holiday was but I find that I don't need to as I had a minute by minute account of every where they went, what they ate etc. on facebook.

Does anybody else find this?

TheRealFellatio Tue 02-Apr-13 14:52:46

Calling them all Narcs might be a bit strong, but overall I would say YANBU at all and I completely agree with you.

TheRealFellatio Tue 02-Apr-13 14:53:46

And I also agree with Maddening. It's fascinating actually.

Ponyinthepool Tue 02-Apr-13 14:56:34

YANBU and I think it can be very harmful. Just like airbrushed size 0 models in fashion magazines, it paints a fake picture of how great everyone else's lives are and leaves us feeling inadequate. Even though I try to remind myself of this, and see it for the blatant attention-seeking that it is, a visit to Facebook more often than not leaves me feeling flat. It's definitely losing its appeal.

somewhereaclockisticking Tue 02-Apr-13 14:57:26

I only put on FB if I go out with someone because all my friends do it and I'm fed up of reading about their very happy/busy lives and I'm rather dull usually so it's a case of "hey yes look - I went out!" kind of way a;though I have alot of friends who constantly brag about their kids so I've now gotten into the habit of mentioning every positive thing I can about the kids. I am sick of pictures of what people are about to eat or the "just chillin with a bottle of wine" types of comments because it's not even news.

glossyflower Tue 02-Apr-13 14:58:06

FB was the bane of my life...I found if I made a comment people take it the wrong way etc and jump on my back. I got pissed off with emo type statuses like "no one gives a shit about me" etc.
I left twice only to rejoin months later as I found it is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family from afar. So now I'm on it but rarely use it.

glossyflower Tue 02-Apr-13 14:59:06

And yes it's bloody annoying people use it to show off how bloody fab their lives are.

Ponyinthepool Tue 02-Apr-13 15:03:41

PS far and away the most hideously transparent attention-seeking thing on facebook is the check-in feature. It truly makes me stabby.

motherhen1949 Tue 02-Apr-13 15:05:08

Yes you are correct my mates sister is constantly posting about her happy family how much she loves her man yada yayda she post on average 5 times a day however in reality my mate informs me they have awful rows hes a git and spend hardly any time with themconfused

I take facebook post with a pinch of salt

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