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I don't want to be bridezilla but...

(150 Posts)
milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:35

Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.

Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it

Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)

She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember sad also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?

My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen sad

I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage

superstarheartbreaker Tue 02-Apr-13 21:40:10

YANBU op. Her behaviour is annoying...it's almost like she wants to steal your thunder. You won't let her though will you? If I were you i'd not disclose any more info and say yes you do mind her stealing your ideas. The comment on Facebook about saving money was catty. She sounds like a right PITA.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 21:54:23

Hmmm, which colour schemes would be "quite unique", one wonders?
Orange and lime - zingy!
Orange and purple - sunset!
Orange and blue/turquoise - sunrise!
Black & purple or Black & blue - shiner.
Black & brown - shadowy.
Black & yellow - waspy.

It's black & lime, isn't it?! Or black & orange <runs away>

tvmum1976 Tue 02-Apr-13 21:55:20

you are being ridiculous. Why shoudln't you give her the numbers of suppliers etc and save her the work? You chose to do the work anyway- to not pass on the benefits is pure selfishness and costs you nothing. And colour scheme? Really? Who cares? no one owns a colour and you are talking about a wedding a year later. Who will remember? And if they do, i would have htought that most reasonable people would think it was nice that you were doing something similar.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 22:05:49

grin at garlic.

No, none of those. It was grey and pink blossom theme. I believe it's quite popular in America but not here judging by how difficult it was to find grey bridesmaid dresses.

You're all going to tell me it that isn't unique at all now, aren't you?

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 22:08:03

Tv mum - I would have no problem sharing supplier information with anyone and indeed I have. But I don't think my SIL deserves my help as she insists on being a cow to me.

Of course I don't know if the op's SIL is deserving of her help or not.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:08:33

Thread - that sounds very nice smile

The bridesmaids will be in naruto-style orange boiler suits and blue headbands. That's the unique to them colour scheme/theme.

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:15:21

Arf, Arb grin

Floggingmolly Tue 02-Apr-13 22:23:10

Fair enough, Thread, that does sound pretty unique smile. Please God it's not the same as the op's

I've just had a quick google and no one else seems to have gone with bridesmaids dressed as naruto yet (there would be photos on the Internet). So that one is still available. It has the added advantage that it will absolutely make your bridesmaids look crap no matter what. What more could a bridezilla ask for?

garlicballs Tue 02-Apr-13 22:25:55

grin You googled it!!

Well it occurred to me that some people really like naruto so there might be themed weddings out there. I guess the naruto fans are mostly too young to be marrying and have come to their senses once they're old enough.

Although googling for anime themed weddings does validate the theory that no matter how 'unique' you think yours is, it just looks like a wedding to everyone else. for example

ApocalypseThen Tue 02-Apr-13 22:31:29

I just hope this SIL bee-yatch doesn't copy the white dre...

Have I let it slip?

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Tue 02-Apr-13 22:32:11

Naruto with fake tan and they'd look like they'd been tangoed hmm

AmandaPayntedEgg Tue 02-Apr-13 22:34:04

The wedding are a year apart, yes?

Dear god in heaven. No one cares about 'those important personal touches' other than brides, and soon to be brides. People care about:

- being fed at regular intervals;
- plenty of alcohol;
- being seated near their friends/family;
- not being made to hang about for two hours in some freezing church yard/random hotel reception whilst the bride and groom have amazing wedding portraits taken.

I cannot remember one single DJ, photographer (except the bossy one who took fecking days), favour or buffet.

I do remember one fab wedding where they served red, white and rose though!

NigellaTufnel Tue 02-Apr-13 22:34:05

You are BVU!

Good God, I would hate to be your SIL. She sounds like a Saint.

How do you know she "stole" your colour scheme? She may have always liked it, it may go with her colouring, etc etc.

ThreadWorms Tue 02-Apr-13 23:06:10

Thank you garlic and flogging.

I felt it was a bit unusual,probably not in a never-been-done way but in a that's-a-little-bit-different way. So I was slightly narked when my SIL changed her colours from black and white to grey and pink after seeing my wedding.

I don't think there's anything wrong with brides trying to make their weddings a bit different from their friends and family's weddings, it's all part of the fun. Whether they are successful or not and their guests notice us beside the point, they want to feel like it was personal to them.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Wed 03-Apr-13 02:11:21

I bet noone would steal this colour scheme grin

nooka Wed 03-Apr-13 03:20:39

Boy this thread makes me feel a bit glad that my parents didn't let me organise my own wedding (although at the time I thought about eloping). Organising my children's birthday parties seemed bad enough!

I feel sorry for the soon to be SIL here, as moving her wedding forward must mean a lot more stress. Many venues get fully booked months in advance, so if she's not yet got everything fixed she must be feeling the pressure, and being able to use your research was probably a great relief. I have no idea why this would be out of order as it seems totally sensible to me.

2rebecca Wed 03-Apr-13 09:54:03

I can understand the upset about the colour scheme but as her wedding is first it will look as though you copied her. As your wedding isn't for over a year you should have kept the details quiet until after her wedding. It's like people who discuss babies names with friends and relatives then get upset when someone has a baby before them and uses that name. Don't overshare stuff. The colour scheme thing may be coincidence.
Maybe SIL was hoping you could have some bonding time planning weddings together, if you did do that then you could have persuaded her to have a different colour scheme as you would be friends not rivals.
I don't see why some people think having a wedding in August is the same as one in july, if you want kids to come to your wedding then July and August are popular months as families can take extra days off work for the travelling involved. If it's over a year away you have time to save up.
My weddings were both arranged withint 6 months of deciding to get married though as once I decide to do something I like to get on with it.

Pandemoniaa Wed 03-Apr-13 11:20:21

I can understand the upset about the colour scheme but as her wedding is first it will look as though you copied her

Yet more evidence that some weddings appear to exist on a parallel universe. Do people really sit through them happily passing judgemental comments about copying colour schemes? Especially when the weddings are 12 months apart.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 03-Apr-13 11:32:54

Have read a few pages. If the weddings are a year apart, seriously, no one will remember the colour schemes. Even if they were weeks apart, only the most fastidious wedding-obsessed beancounters would notice.

And I see someone upthread has said that those of us saying it doesn't matter are already married. Well, yes, perhaps (I am). But isn't that the point? We've lived through this. As soon as the day hits you realise just how little many of these points matter! Not a soul cares whether or not the bridesmaids shoes match, so when I tell someone it doesn't matter, I'm trying to save them the days of their lives they are spending fretting over them. (That's a random example to this thread but a real one, my best friend worried over that for a week!)

My advice: make your entertainment memorable. Pick unique music if it's a DJ. Use unusual flowers. Get decent food in if you're feeding people, and if it can be something other than chicken or salmon, then do that.

You've got a year between her wedding and yours. You'll be fine!

heirtotheironthrone Wed 03-Apr-13 11:51:19

I have BEEN a 'Cadbury Purple' bridesmaid...

I'm getting married this year, there is no colour scheme, no chair covers (!), no sweets, no favours. What there is is a lot of beer, and sausages for all, in the pub. Job done I think. I can't remember the colours for the two weddings I went to in February, let alone last year. DJs play different songs, photographers take different shots.

We moved our wedding back so as not to 'overshadow' my brother's giant formal church affair which is now 2 months before ours. He and his fiancee have never acknowledged this or said thanks, just got pissy because we are having an ice cream van and they want one too. There are no new ideas, forget about it and enjoy your day.

garlicballs Wed 03-Apr-13 12:13:44

"There are no new ideas, forget about it and enjoy your day."

Best comment so far smile Enjoy yours, Heirto!

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