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selecting only certain children at wedding.

(213 Posts)
frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:13:36

how badly is this received? It comes down to money at the end of the day so decided to cut costs by not inviting any children, except bride and grooms child, grooms brothers child and brides sisters child. Thing is there are lots of younger cousins on brides side but only 3 younger cousins on grooms side.

So this basically means one grooms aunt/uncle will not be able to bring their children on grooms side as all other cousins are adults or invited child.

Aunt with the small children was asked to do the cake, she said she would do it as a gift (normally would cost £250-£300, v lucky) to save money. But we hadn't mentioned the no children bit. Invites are about to go out. How bad is this going to get?
(Places hard hat on)

CrapBag Fri 05-Apr-13 20:47:04

Wow. Never spotted that reverse.

You are a far bigger person than I am so good on you.

I hope everyone comments on the cake and they are forced to explain to everyone. How shit of them. At least you know that everyone here agrees with you.

I would send the bride this link as a warning don't piss off your cake maker!

Inertia Fri 05-Apr-13 19:08:52

If only you had some kind of icing embossing stamp that you could use to create a pattern all over the cake, reading "This was a gift from Frangipan".

Trouble is you have to do a good job as it's your business.

Hard to believe your relatives could be so mean - they've stitched you up for a cake, saved the cost of your family's meals, and made sure that you can't do anything without seeming petty.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Fri 05-Apr-13 19:00:36

frangipan. Please, please PLEASE let me know if you would like help designing the cake. I am sure I could come up with some unsuitable ideas. grin

Poor you. What utter tits!

OhTheConfusion Fri 05-Apr-13 18:53:12

I think you are a very generous Aunt!

Have your or your DH's sibling (ie. Parent of the bride or groom) said anything?

Toasttoppers Fri 05-Apr-13 18:52:37

You need to name change to CakeAunt

DontSHOUTTTTTT Fri 05-Apr-13 18:50:41

(. Just to clarify that my hmm in response to inertias post was not at all meant to look like I was being sarcastic. I meant that your her was a good one smile )

Toasttoppers Fri 05-Apr-13 18:49:00

Best reverse Aibu I have seen, so you are not mean at all you are actually very wonderful. I think what your doing is a good idea.

Yama Netherlands Fri 05-Apr-13 18:47:52

I really, really, really hope Frangipan's niece reads this.

I'm with your dh. Have a lovely birthday.

I think making the cake is an almost lovely revenge, there`ll be lots of hmm when people ask who made the cake and they have to explain `Aunty but shes not here as we wouldnt have their children here` hopefully they`ll be very very blush As pancake says, they will wince forever at that.

Have a great day with your family.

Pancakeflipper Fri 05-Apr-13 18:20:14

I wonder if B&G will realise what a blurgh situation this is especially as your DH has said you are not attending and either extend the invite to your children for the wedding or say that they will get the cake sorted elsewhere. Cos otherwise every time they see their wedding photos with your cake there and you not there - they will wince.

DiscoDonkey Fri 05-Apr-13 18:16:23

I have no issue with the bride and groom not having everyone's children there BUT when someone is doing you such a massive favour you don't think to yourself "oh well rather than offending lots of people we'll just offend the one person saving us £300"

DontSHOUTTTTTT Fri 05-Apr-13 18:13:04

inertias suggestion is very plausible hmm.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Fri 05-Apr-13 18:11:53

Ohh, I love a reverse AIBU and you did it especially well. The clever MN'ers not me nearly always spot reverse AIBU'S

I think the bride and groom SHOULD have mentioned that your kids were not invited much much earlier and they should NOT have accepted the offer for you to bake the cake without letting you know the kids were not invited, however, their reasons for not inviting the kids are perfectly reasonably.

It is a bit of a shitty situation really and I can't see how it can be remedied without upset.

To be honest, I am not sure what I would do if I were you. I think I may go but I would tell them that I think they were rude to accept the offer of the cake without letting you know about the kids. I may also do what you are doing and just have a fab time with your Dad and family. Perhaps your Dh could jut attend the ceremony so there is not too much drama.

I guess it would depend on how the couple behave the rest of the time.

Have fun doing the cake. It is very nice of you to do it.

DiscoDonkey Fri 05-Apr-13 18:11:43

Your a lovely person for making the cake anyway. They should have been upfront with you from the beginning or at least had the good grace to insist on paying you something for the cake.

GoLadyEdith Fri 05-Apr-13 18:10:48

You will keep your dignity by making the cake yet not turning up. Perhaps you could offer a very fixed window for collecting the cake - don't make it any easier on them by offering to deliver it the day before. wink

Inertia Fri 05-Apr-13 18:05:08

Well, at least lots of people have said that the b&g are being unreasonable.

I'd find it very hard to resist the temptation to say that as your family aren't invited and you are unable to attend as a result, you have decided to go away to be with your family to celebrate birthdays instead so you are no longer able to make the cake.

You can come to my wedding if you bring cake grin <forgets she been married 5years>

Pancakeflipper Fri 05-Apr-13 17:55:35

Frang - You are saving them even more money now they can cross you and your DH off the list. You are so thoughtful...

Enjoy your day with your family celebrating birthdays. It's a Shane and all rather sad but shove it to one side now. Dont dwell on it and feel sad/bitter. They made a choice about their wedding and you have made a choice too.

Go and have fun with your family.

Longfufu Fri 05-Apr-13 17:50:46

Opp's just read the last few posts! frang I can understand why you're upset.

Longfufu Fri 05-Apr-13 17:46:12

I think it's best to mention something in person really. Friends of ours are getting marriage a few days after I'm due to give birth. They called us to see if it was a bit ambitious for us to come, but we said that we'd love to come and "life goes on" too then receive an invite stating NO CHILDREN. I can't leave a newborn with someone else so I'm a little upset they didn't mention this before hand and I'm now having to decline. Just be honest and say it's purely a money thing.

I would say you probably need to invite the children of the person making the cake though.

frangipan Fri 05-Apr-13 17:38:21

Have decided to make the cake anyway, DH has told them we won't be going, they then said my parents could come to the evening do and bring the children over. DH laughed! basically the churlish reply pancakeflipper gave is about the size of it. In my defence I was trying to see it from the other side, I am quite hurt that my DC are the only ones not invited from this side of the family but I was struggling to work out if I was being stupid feeling like that, life is unfair and I can suck that one up. It's my Dads birthday the same day as mine so going to rock it with my family.

Pancakeflipper Fri 05-Apr-13 17:29:18

Be the bigger person and make the cake and don't lace with laxatives. If you can afford it.

Not sure if I would accept the invite. I might say "nah, here's your cake, I am off out with my family to celebrate". But that would be churlish.

In that case I would withdraw my offer of the cake, or charge them the equivalent of what a babysitting service would cost for yr 3 DC seeing as its their fault they need sitting.

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