selecting only certain children at wedding.

(213 Posts)
frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:13:36

how badly is this received? It comes down to money at the end of the day so decided to cut costs by not inviting any children, except bride and grooms child, grooms brothers child and brides sisters child. Thing is there are lots of younger cousins on brides side but only 3 younger cousins on grooms side.

So this basically means one grooms aunt/uncle will not be able to bring their children on grooms side as all other cousins are adults or invited child.

Aunt with the small children was asked to do the cake, she said she would do it as a gift (normally would cost £250-£300, v lucky) to save money. But we hadn't mentioned the no children bit. Invites are about to go out. How bad is this going to get?
(Places hard hat on)

ZZZenEggain Mon 01-Apr-13 09:32:05

sorry still haven't understood it. All the grown up dc are invited but not those who are still children?

HollyBerryBush Mon 01-Apr-13 09:32:30

>faints< £60 a head?

No wonder no one wants children at weddings.

>faints again @£60 a head<

If done carefully it can work - DD only had children who were 'close family members' and put apologies/explanations in the invites so there were only 4 children at the wedding, all under 5. However she did talk to everyone before the invites went out and nobody declined an invitation because of it. 2 new borns also came in the end (one was only 11 days old)

My advice would be to talk to people before the invites go out. The issue of the cake may cause problems though!

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:34:22

aunt/uncle aunt/uncle aunt/uncle(cake)
/ / /
groom -grooms brother grown up kids younger kids
/ (invited) (not invited)
young child
(invited)

Blissx Mon 01-Apr-13 09:34:36

For all those posters who said they have been offended when their DCs have not been invited to weddings, how many children did you invite to yours?? I only ask as I am the youngest in my family and ended up allowing everyone to bring their own children (13 in all ranging from 4 weeks to 6) to prevent bad feeling and all of them had specified no children at their weddings-I found it very hypocritical at the time.
Needless to say, you can't hear the ceremony or wedding speeches on the video due to the amount of noise from children, nor could people sat at the back at the time. Weddings should be dictated by the bride and groom; if you can't attend due to DCs then fine, but don't get offended by it.

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:34:48

ok that didn't work...........................

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 09:35:15

My advice would be to talk to people before the invites go out. The issue of the cake may cause problems though!

Yep, this one is definitely going to go down as cakegate also wondering just how tight money can be if it's £60 a head but that's kind of a side issue

Cut costs else where, surely that would be the easiest thing to do?

bettybyebye Mon 01-Apr-13 09:36:05

At our wedding adults were 60/ head but children were less than 10 - have you asked the venue for a children's menu/price? In our case it cost so little to cater for children we invited them all which was great. Agree that family vs friends children are different and it's much more understandable to exclude the latter.

HollyBerryBush Mon 01-Apr-13 09:36:25

I'm still staggered @£60 a head

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 09:38:17

Cut costs else where, surely that would be the easiest thing to do?

Indeed: nix on the beluga blini canapes, that ought to do it £60 a head and it all comes down to money sheesh

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:40:56

sorry zz
only people NOT invited on grooms side are cake aunts/uncles children. all others are grown except for grooms brothers child who IS invited, does that make sense? Same on brides side BUT there are loads of brides family children so lots not invited. Do you really think it is rude? If I invite aunts children then going to get major headache from other family parents aren't I?

teacher123 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:43:21

As betty says, ask for a children's menu. We did for ours and it was lovely food but about a third of the cost of the adult menu. They also brought it out at the same time as the adult starter so that the children didn't have to wait.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Mon 01-Apr-13 09:43:34

As someone else said upthread, you need to be consistent. Either all cousins or no cousins. As you're inviting various other cousins, you are obliged by good manners and fairness to invite cake-aunt's children. It wouldn't really be on, cake or no cake, to invite her children but not other cousins unless you've got a reason for it.

We invited only the cousins that we'd spent time with growing up and had a relationship with. The ones who live abroad and I haven't seen in 10 years didn't get an invitation and didn't get the hump as far as I know.

Anyone else, eg if the grown-up cousins have children, talk to them first and explain how you're thinking of doing it and why. We did this (nieces/nephews/godchildren only) and although some people had to leave their husbands at home with the children, they were OK about it. If they had said at the outset, "actually, I'd be really offended if my kids weren't invited" we'd have rethought it, probably by deciding that the stroppy adults weren't so important after all.

EvenBetter Mon 01-Apr-13 09:43:41

Round here £60 per head is normal pricing for a wedding.
Our 1 course buffet was £30 a head almost 2 years ago. Then considering the bus, chair hire, fizzy wine for toasts etc. it bumped it up even more.

£60 a head probably isn't a Disney princess bridezilla wedding, but a normal one in a hotel. Just sayin..as someone who's had the horror of planning a wedding.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Mon 01-Apr-13 09:44:32

Me too Holly grin

Let me see if I've got this straight.

Bride & Groom's child/ren and nieces and nephews are invited.
Bride and Groom's Aunts and Uncle's children are only invited if they are over the age of 18.
On the bride's side there are numerous children under the age of 18.
On the groom's side there are only 3, all of whom 'belong' to the aunt who is making the wedding cake.

Enigmosaurus Mon 01-Apr-13 09:44:39

I'd either invite the children of the aunt making the cake or find someone to make you one and pay for it instead. It's hugely rude even if she offered the cake as a gift.

Dilemma247 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:44:41

Lol... April 1st!!!

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 09:44:57

Yes I can see that is genuinely a headache Frang....so as someone else as said you HAVE to pay for the cake or better still get it elsewhere, explaining why to patisserie Auntie, because her time is presumably still precious if she has young children!. If she's cool with it (and she may be) then fine, but you must tell her what's going on.

<gavel again>

MsElisaDay Mon 01-Apr-13 09:45:22

SIXTY quid a head and you're not inviting children due to "financial restrictions"?! This is utterly crackers.

You should definitely invite the aunt's children and, IMO, all "family" children. Weddings are a family occasion and not doing so can create a lot of bad feeling.

As for what Blissx says- I invited all children to my wedding. It would never have been an option not to. But then I made sure I chose a venue where I could afford for everyone to come. We probably had 15 family children and another 10 friends' children.

OP, if you don't invite your aunt's children after asking her to make the cake, you are seriously taking the piss. And I wouldn't expect any sympathy on the "financial constraints" line either.

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:47:12

That is exactly it Eostre
Not an April fools, had forgotten about that!

pompompom Mon 01-Apr-13 09:48:05

I think its absolutely fine. The only weddings I've been too were this sort of set up - children of immediate family only. Nobody was offended.

ZZZenEggain Mon 01-Apr-13 09:48:25

if all the dc came, how many would that be? Speak to the cake aunt and the parents of dc in the bride's family and tell them the problem. I would understand and not be offended

maddy68 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:48:28

Just make the invitation to me and mrs x. They will assume kids aren't invited then if they ask if the kids can come explain that you are only inviting the children if immediate family due to costs. But if you just make the invite to the couple they probably won't (shouldn't!) ask x

OrchidLass Mon 01-Apr-13 09:48:52

You absolutely CANNOT accept their lovely gift of a wedding cake then not invite their children. You just can't.

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