To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

(162 Posts)
ariane5 Sun 31-Mar-13 21:52:15

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assaultsad

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway sad

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Mon 01-Apr-13 16:21:54

2008 + 5 years for the Caution to be spent = 2013. Depends on which month in the year you received your caution, but it's either spent or soon to be.

I think you still have to declare it, but it's far less of an issue once it's spent.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Mon 01-Apr-13 16:25:11

After December then, your Caution will be spent, and will probably not cause you anywhere near the same amount of issues.

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 16:28:19

CRB check has changed now to DBS and is not always required if you are being supervised anyway.

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Apr-13 16:33:28

Just a thought but regarding 'explaining' that it wasn't your fault etc...

Do you have anything in writing to 'prove' what happened? Like access to police statements or something?

Otherwise, why would they take your word for it?

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 16:37:40

I wouldn't get into the why's and wherefores - it really won't help your argument if you look as if you are still holding a grudge, admit it happened but you have moved on.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 16:38:35

Agree with LIZS.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:49:07

It is hard to know how to get balance right as to how much info to give/not to give when explaining as there was a huge amount of vile provocatation.

I have a copy of the caution sheet it says that it was a caution for common assault, the date etc and that I slapped my (younger) sister on the cheek following an argument.

No details are given as to the nature of the argument or the fact I'd tried to walk away and she had run after me, carried on saying awful things which culminated inher opinion that my recent mmc was a blessing so that I didn't have" another retard child like dd1".

I can type it on here but couldn't explain that in person as it makes me cry and remember what happened after the argument as well sad

Altinkum Mon 01-Apr-13 16:51:29

Its good that your not being a bf support worker, its clear that if things do way above your tollorance levels, then you can't be trusted with vulnerable women.

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Apr-13 16:52:41

That's kind of my point OP sad

With no evidence, it's just your word you'd be asking them to believe so it's probably not worth dragging it all up and upsetting yourself.

Everyone with a caution/conviction/whatever will have a 'reason' for it and I'm not sure if they'd really be in a position to be able to listen to it.

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 16:54:48

Sorry but the circumstances don't really matter to anyone not directly involved, anymore than it did to the police at the time - if needs be state the fact and leave it at that.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 16:55:51

ariane5 - you sound like you would make a fab peer supporter. I would take the advice given here considering the other things going on in your life and write a list of what you want to achieve. As said already learning to drive is a good start. If you are in a position to have to explain your caution, don't try to make little of it and say it wasn't really your fault. Better to accept you made a one off mistake several years ago and have learnt from it.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 16:56:26

I would never ever want someone to bring in any "evidence" in relation to a past offence hmm.

I would trust it had been dealt with adequately at the time.

I would be interested in whether the person has moved on and more importantly if they were suitable/appropriate and could be trusted in a supporting role.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:58:33

Iam absolutely fine to be trusted with anybody, children, vulnerable people. I am in no way unstable or violent at all. It was a one off in extreme circumstances.

Never before or since have I lost my temper in that way.I am not that sort of person at all and probably a lot of it was due to hormones/recent loss and somebody being vile.

Nobody is perfect. I deserve a chance to do something I'd be good at.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:00:36

I also agree that if I were interviewing you, I wouldn't be interested in the circumstances leading up to it. I would assume the caution was a justified action by the police who had investigated it at the time. You would be better saying it was 5 years ago (once it is) and saying it didn't involve children but was after an argument with a family member.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:02:04

To be devil's advocate, if you were saying that to me as a potential volunteer it wouldn't cut it as you did get a caution for losing it. That's what I would see without knowing you well.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:03:00

I suppose at least the factual evidence I have (caution sheet) states it was just 1 slap to the cheek in an argument.

Even the police were a bit hmm at the time and one even said an argument between siblings was wasting their time but as it was 999 call they had to deal with it.

I will be up front about it, show the paperwork if needed but not go into too much detail then if that's best.hard to know what to do/say.

Altinkum Mon 01-Apr-13 17:03:02

So you say so, but evidence proves that you can't maintain you're temper and with that you result to violence.

How it happened does not matter, the fact you assaulted someone is enough to state you cannot be trusted to keep you're cool when times become tough.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:03:23

Can you find out for sure whether you need to declare it after 5 years?

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:08:13

I think I would still have to declare it.

Iam def going to give it a go as I have so much experience and I know I'd be good at it, I'd really like to offer the support I didn't get when dcs were younger and had bf issues.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 17:08:18

It will be on her DSB/CRB declaring it isn't an option.

Seriously - if everyone I knew who worked in Children's Services was stopped from working because they had lost their temper (under extreme provocation) there would be a massive shortage of workers - and I include Social Workers in that too!!!!

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:09:58

But there is a difference in losing your temper and losing your temper and slapping someone resulting in a police caution. That said, I still think you should try it.

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 17:11:08

Not sure if a DBS would be to hand at time of interview, you may only do the paperwork after an offer is made.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 17:12:04

Hmm but depends if the person you have slapped wants to use the law as a tool for revenge?

JustinBsMum Mon 01-Apr-13 17:12:29

Our local town has a volunteers office (though it's about to be merged with some other department) but if you could look online and see if there is one near you, OP, and see what else you can volunteer for.

For all you know they may not have vacancies for BF support workers at present. And as you are surrounded by DCs some quite different field might perk you up more.

Shame your sister reported you sad

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 17:12:44

We make offers dependant on a CRB/DSB check.

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