To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

(162 Posts)
ariane5 Sun 31-Mar-13 21:52:15

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assaultsad

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway sad

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 00:13:23

I just would like for there to be another aspect to my life.

I can see your point about meditation/relaxation etc and I know I have a huge amount to deal with but I'm thinking long term as I have to improve things somehow.

I have spent the last few days wondering how I can pull myself up out of the hole I'm in and improve things. It would be easy for me to carry on being downtrodden, trudging along and complaining.
Yes my dcs are all disabled but I can't just sit at home moaning forever.

I need to distance from my family and their issues.Dh has made steps with addressing his family problems this weekend.

I need to learn to drive and I need an interest away from everything else.

It would be easier to get dh to have dcs occasionally and for me to go and relax but long term that won't help me as much as if I had something else in my life.

merrymuzzie Mon 01-Apr-13 00:22:23

For all positions of this they will look at each individual case looking at the crime and the length of time elapsed. You can contact them to discuss it in confidence.

SirBoobAlot Mon 01-Apr-13 00:24:06

With all your DCs health considerations, would you be able to commit on suggested time scale I've suggested above, OP?

I totally understand why you want to do something. But I also know what it's like to go "RIGHT I need something else in my life, and THIS is what I am going to do!", without actually thinking it through. And again, I say that in the nicest way. There are various things that I have wanted to do, that I have had to slow down, step back and think about, before reaching the logical - and at times disappointing - conclusion.

It sounds like you have a lot of objectives to work with. Driving might be a good one to start with. Once you can drive, then you will have a lot more doors open to you.

Bobyan Mon 01-Apr-13 00:24:37

Maybe you should think more strategically, write a list of what you would like to achieve and then work toward them one by one.

So start with learning to drive, then look at what is on offer locally in terms of classes / short courses. Then once you have carried out a short term course and you know you can stick with it, move on to something bigger. Look at each item as a small step in the right direction.

I think you would find it much more manageable and you would be far more likely to succeed.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 00:31:55

It would not be something I could start immediately (as in tomorrow for example!) due to dd2 being very unwell recently with unstable diabetes but I would like to think I could commit that amount of time if I was allowed to pursue it due to crb issues at some point later in the year.

It is not just something I have plucked out of thin air to do, I have been interested since I had dd1 11yrs ago and had no support myself and as it is a subject Iam interestedin, passionate about and have experience with (good and bad) I feel I would do well if given the opportunity.

DH is capable of doing a bit more to help me and once dd2 is a bit more stable and ds2 is a little older (and not needing bf so much himself) I really do think I could do it.

SirBoobAlot Mon 01-Apr-13 00:39:48

In that case, start with learning to drive, and then work your way through some of these books:

- The Politics Of Breastfeeding
- The Food Of Love
- The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
- So That's What They're For!
- Milk, Money and Madness
- Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding.

I hope life starts to look up for you, OP.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 00:51:58

Thankyou sirboobalot.

I am sure things will improve soon. In the meantime I will make sure I have a read through the books you mention and keep my fingers crossed that when I do come to apply for a course/volunteeting my caution does not prevent me.

musicposy Mon 01-Apr-13 08:42:56

It may not prevent you if you are honest with them and explain in a letter in confidence with your application. DH works in an area where you need a clean enhanced CRB and yet he has a spent criminal conviction for theft. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? But when he was young and unemployed and depressed they cut his phone line off and he reconnected it himself. He got addicted to those expensive chatlines they used to run and ran up a massive amount. He was charged with theft of the phone service.
Every employer since has been absolutely fine with it. They recognize that he was young and skint and depressed and stupid. So with explanation you may be OK. Good luck with it!

kungfupannda Mon 01-Apr-13 08:55:34

Cautions are spent after 5 years - they'll still show up on a CRB check, but if they're not current you might have a better chance.

Just wait until the 5 years are up.

Twattybollocks Mon 01-Apr-13 08:57:10

I have been a bf supporter and the caution aside (which I wouldnt exclude you for given the circumstances) it can be very emotionally draining. Have you considered volunteering for a charity shop? I did this for a while in my late teens and had a whole lot of fun, made new friends and it got me out of the house. The bf thing seems the obvious choice given your experience but there is quite a bit of training involved and it's a big committment.

Lastyearsmodel Mon 01-Apr-13 09:19:46

Agree peer supporting is a big time and emotional commitment but wanted to add that at our recent update session we were reminded to declare any offences as they would not necessarily be a bar to being accePted as a peer supporter. What they value is honesty so they can look sensibly at your actual offence and situation.

As the op is asking for advice not info ;-) I would agree learning to drive if money allows is a great first option. Or does local children's centre do personal develo

Lastyearsmodel Mon 01-Apr-13 09:21:34

Posted early... Personal development-type courses? Ours does and they are v good - 2 hours a week to drink tea, natter to other women or not as you prefer and find out a bit about who you are now.

Lastyearsmodel Mon 01-Apr-13 09:22:40

Ps courses were free and had crèche.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 10:20:47

I will have a look into that thankyou. Local childrens centre where dd goes to pre school has a lot of bf groups so I could pop in and find things out (am there anyway term time as can't leave dd yet).

Really glad to hear that caution may not stop me doing it.

Tethering Mon 01-Apr-13 10:57:37

Our local health visitors and nursery nurses regularly asked for bfeeding mums to volunteer to talk to local bfeeding support groups. It didn't involve training and was purely about sharing your personal experiences. That might suit you better than becoming a peer educator.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 11:06:43

That sounds ideal tethering, I might ask when dd2 returns to pre school as its in same building.

I am there every week anyway (usually sittinig outside pre school room bf ds2!) I could easily pop into the group if they would allow me. Do I just go as normal and take it from there (I could join in my own right I suppose as bf ds) or do I do it formally as I want to help/talk and get crb check or will that not matter?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 01-Apr-13 11:14:26

Yabu. I can totally see why you are really frustrated but if you have form for losing your temper and hitting someone then I can understand why the state can't 'endorse' you, iykwim.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 11:39:51

I am not violent though, it was a one off under extreme circumstances surely that would cancel it out somehow?

I have never ever had a problem before or after that one incident sad it was just a very very bad set of circumstances.

MummytoKatie Mon 01-Apr-13 12:26:40

I third the suggestion of the bf support groups. Perhaps go along with your baby, explain that you are interested in getting into peer supporting in the long term and just join as a mum. See if you enjoy it.

Simple things like "pubs / cafes I have breastfed and no-one blinked an eyelid" and an explanation of cluster feeding were worth their weight in gold to me. And these are things that you only know from being "in the tranches" so to speak.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 15:39:18

I run a project which relies heavily on volunteers.

Normally assault/drugs charges are more tricky than others but it can all be negotiated, it depends how long ago it was etc.

I have taken it up with HR in the past when I have really believed in someone.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:48:22

It was dec 2008 is that too recent do you think sad

The circumstances really were exceptional and to be honest although I was wrong to momentarily lose my temper I think dsis (she has terrible issues) had pre planned the whole scenario. I cannot even volunteer to do reading in ds1 school as they now do a crb check and I'm embarassed.

It is so unfair that because of somebody elses nastiness I now suffer years later unable to do things I would like to.

It is good to know things can be negotiated, it is just difficult speaking about what was such a heart breaking time in my life. I want to forget it but years later it is still affecting me because I have a caution. Is it true that after 5 years they are 'spent'?

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 15:53:04

They stay on there forever but I would be happy to look at someone whose last conviction was 3/5 yrs old.

Important to be honest about it at interview IMO.

I personally feel that people should be given a second chance and should not be written off because they have made a mistake.

I think these experiences can be a great stepping stone to helping others smile

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:59:32

Thankyou so much gossipmonster. I would def declare it at first opportunity. I just feel so sad that there are so many things it applies to, volunteering at ds school is probably the worst if I'm honest as people will make an instant judgement and not ever know What really happened.

It is reassuring to know that you would consider somebody with a conviction from a few years previously.

Gossipmonster Mon 01-Apr-13 16:09:01

Can you have a quiet word with someone sympathetic at school about it?

You won't be the first person they have encountered with this issue I am sure and they will appreciate your honesty?

Don't worry about people judging you - everyone is flawed smile.

My work involves children too - for me the most important thing (within reason and apart from skill set) is mentally being in the right place to support and help other people.

ariane5 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:17:30

I could speak to school but I am just so embarassed, the whole situation was awful and wouldn't be out of place on Jeremy kyle.

I just want to do things like pop into school to help with reading, volunteer to help with bf. I am so sad that I have to worry about something which I know I was wrong to do but wasn't really my fault.

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