I am totally unreasonable give me the pasting I deserve so I can go and apologise.

(32 Posts)

Back ground is that dh had a day out yesterday with friends that I was desperate to go on, we havent been out together since dec which is fine really. I couldnt get a babysitter, dhs friends that he went out ith for the day are coming up for a night out in a few weeks adn I would very much like to go, I may well be able to get a sitter I havent tried yet but at the same time I am not holding my breath.
So My DM and DF have the kids for their tea on a weds, picking them up from wither school or childminder and dropping them home at bedtime so about 6.30pm. Next week DF wants to take them out for tea, he is doing the same for Dniece and DNephew on the Monday, and then have them to stay, I asked if they could not have them to stay at a time when dh and I could actually go out as I am feeling a bit sorry for myself on the going out with dh front. I am working a 12 hour shift on weds and thurs so will be going to bed the minute I get in from work ready for the next day. I no it makes no difference to me if they have them or not, I just feel like that is going to be the overnight babysit for the forseeable future and I wont even notice it (parents usually have them overnight once a year). Dmum said they could have them another time when we want to go out but we have to book in advance, whenever I ask them to babysit they always have something on which is great, she said they dont have anything on for ages now, so I said could you do friday instead, they have something on.
So I was a bit glum about it and may not have greated the idea with the enthusiasm and gratitude I should have and have probably upset my parents now, I should apologise shouldnt I.

auforfoulkesake Sun 31-Mar-13 15:46:18

um,
shame,
but apologise and you might get a babysitter grin

YouTheCat Sun 31-Mar-13 15:47:56

How come your dh gets to go out and you don't? Maybe he should stay home this time and you and him can go out together another time?

cause they are his uni friends, I would go if they were my frineds although I would just like to go together for once.

INeedThatForkOff Sun 31-Mar-13 15:50:50

Yes, but the next night out is yours and DH stays home.

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 15:51:22

You asked them to have your DC on a night when you could benefit from it and they said yes just let us know in advance?

I can't see how they'd be upset about that, and what is there to apologise for? You haven't done anything wrong asking to swap days, it's a pretty normal thing to do I would say.

INeedThatForkOff Sun 31-Mar-13 15:52:01

Go out with someone else? Invite friends to yours while they're in town? Is there a babysitter you could hire?

When I then asked for a different day mum said we are busy, we'll just have them weds as planned. I know she means she will have them another day as well I just dont ever see it happening as everytime I ahve asked them to babysit for at least a year they have been busy, and these are always well in advance.

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 15:55:40

Ahhh, I was wondering what the reasoning was behind them only having your DC once a year.

Why do you think they don't want to have them over for the night?

I dont think I have explained myself very well, the reason I am fed up is because I can never find a babysitter and it feels like such an utter waste of what I know will be the only babysit I get for the next 6 months on a day when dh and I cant go out (I only mean round the corner for a meal and a pint or something), it sometimes feels like they want to do it so they can claim to be halping hen it is absolutly no help to me at all. However it is lovely that they want to spend time with the dc's.

they do want to have them overnight smile Anyway I am overthinking it and shall phone and say of course they can have them, I actually stoppped asking them to babysit quite a while ago as they are always busy. Will be nice for them and for dc. (although they might change their minds when they find out dc need pack ups for cm)

lilackaty Sun 31-Mar-13 15:59:35

YABU but it is totally understandable. Have you given them the date you would like them to have the children as well?

I treid but the only ones I could come up with of the top of my head (ie any friday sat or thurs or the next month) they were busy.

auforfoulkesake Sun 31-Mar-13 16:03:16

good for them to be busy.
you need a special occasion to go out you know that don't you grin
a cinema
or anniversary/birthday.
my dm hates evening babysitting, day time is fine, she used to look after mine while I worked,
but evening was a whole different kettle of fish.

can you beg ? [hugrin]

AnyoneforTurps Sun 31-Mar-13 16:05:54

Why don't you turn it round and ask your DM & DF when they would be free to babysit? Pick a date they suggest well in advance, then arrange to see your friends that night.

simplesusan Sun 31-Mar-13 16:09:35

I understand where you are coming from.

Why not do as Anyone suggests above?

Sounds like you could do with a night out, although I 'm not being helpful suggesting that!

grin it was just bad timing thats all, with it being this weekend and me already being a bit fed up. Will phone now anyway as therre is no reason for them not to go next week.

badguider Sun 31-Mar-13 16:17:28

When they come back from this overnight, providing it goes well, why not ask immediately if you can sit down straight away with your diaries and book the next overnight for a night you can go out with your dh?
Even if it's not for a month or two, at least if it's in teh diary you can look forward to it.

Go on to childcare.co.uk & find yourself a regular, local babysitter.

Unless you live in an isolated part of the country there will be plenty of perfectly nice girls/women around who would be delighted to babysit and have profiles on there. Interview a couple who live closest to you & use them.

It sounds like your parents are being unhelpful, but babysitting in the evening is a bigger deal for an older person than during the day, and you have to respect that. Organise your own babysitter properly and you won't be dependent on the whim of family when you want to go out.

phoned, organised and explained that I didnt mean to be ungrateful just that I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. all good. smile

QuintEggSensuality Sun 31-Mar-13 16:21:47

Seems to me they are doing a lot of childcare in the day time and might want evenings free?

You are pretty lucky that your parents are doing so much.

Think you need to find a paid babysitter (like some of us have to do every time we want to out)

notyou, is it ok to do that, I know it sounds weird but I wonder about leaving someone I dont know with the kids. will have a look, thanks for the link, it never even occured to me.

Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Sun 31-Mar-13 16:24:09

I may be reading your post wrong but is it that your parents will only babysit when it suits them, ie they are only free to babysit if they pick the day.

AnyoneforTurps idea is good. Just say you'd love to go out with DH and could they give you a date when they would be free to babysit.

they have the kids one evening a week for tea on a day I work, but I have to pay a childminder for that day anyway as they cant commit to it, so about 3 hours a week. I am grateful that they are close with the kids but it really isnt for my benefit.
But that sounds like I am being snipey which I am not I am grateful that they want the kids and the kids love them a lot.

sorry for some reason everything I am trying to say is coming out all wrong today I dont know why, they will babysit, but they are always busy, which I am really pleased about as dm has had a rough few years and I am glad they are going out and having lots of fun. I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself this weekend is all.

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