AIBU and over reacting(79 Posts)
Quite stressed ATM anyway and trying not to take it out on the dc. Ds (5) was acting up all day yesterday, (things like dipping his green beans in his drink at the table then when I had took the water away from him 5 minutes later he was trying to sneak his drink back which if I hadn't seen would of tipped my wine everywhere) he eventually got sent to bed early as I just couldn't cope with his not listening. He broke my lamp, opened 3 more bags of crisps after I told him he could have one and stuff like that.
Anyway had a chat last night about listening to me again and what happens when he doesn't. He understands I think. Till this morning when I'm in the bath he says he's hungry can he have more cereal, well that's fine help yourself and he takes my cereal. He knows that the curiously cinnamon squares are mine and not anybody else's, he did this yesterday as well and I'm really not happy. They both choose a cereal each when they're other one runs out plus there's usually Cheerios shreddies and frostys so why the hell is he taking mine! I might be slightly unreasonable about this as after all it is only cereal but the slyness of him sneaking it has really pissed me off.
ATM I've told him I'm not happy and I'm really considering not taking him to the party we're going to later. I am also thinking about making him give me a pound out his money box? Or AIBU and over reacting over a bowl of cereal.
Brandy, there's another thread going on at the moment, which makes incredibly sad reading. It's about the OP's reaction to her 4 year old daughter being a little bit naughty (nicking some Easter eggs). There is a massive difference between your responses. You are so obviously prepared to listen and to take advice and to try and make it better for all of you. That can only be a good thing.
It is so difficult being a single parent at times. I hate that I am the only one who can ever discipline the DDs. I also hate that they have no-one to run to if we've had a fall out. It's had for us Brandy, but it's also hard for them - probably harder in fact.
My 5 year old DD does know exactly what buttons to press to wind me up, but it is up to me as the adult not to rise to them. I'm not always successful, but I have worked on it and do my best to ignore it when she starts. She can go on and on and on at me, just to get a reaction. Once I took myself away from her - to get some space between us and I went to my bathroom and locked the door. She followed me, screaming. And then she picked the lock! I couldn't help but laugh.
My advise really is to put temptations (crisps, your cereal, etc) out of his reach. Pick your battles. Ignore behaviour you know he is doing specifically to wind you up. Distract, distract, distract. And reward his good behaviour.
It is brilliant he is so good at school btw. Good luck with it all.
I know I read that thread this morning, she sounds like how my mum used to be and not who I want to be even though I can see parts of my behaviour towards them in that.
thanks for your time to keep posting rindercella I am definatly going to push myself to be more positive towards the both of them. They are actually really good children that you could take anywhere I'm forever getting compliments about how well brought up they are, I just need to stop being a bitch. My mums house growing up was the type where you'd walk around on eggshells and never laugh and I don't want dc to have the same sort of memories as me.
If this was a stepmum posting this thread she would get a right old pasting.
Hi Brandy I'm sorry things are difficult for you. Don't worry so much about their behaviour and more about how all of you can be happier. Happy Mum equals happy DCs. You sound like you're doing a hard job well. Maybe don't try to control everything so much - did it matter if he was 5 minutes later in the bath? I find if I try and have less of an agenda things are a bit easier but if I get all upset about wanting to have dinner at 5 or something I will be cross with DS when he doesn't have the same aim and delays leaving the park - but it could be bedtime and the long drawn out story when I get really annoyed because that got pushed back later/I'm more tired and stressed... it's not easy.
Kids just don't see things from our perspective. I am constantly explaining 'if we don't do this now, we can't have that later'. I think it's starting to sink in. So if you eat the lollipop, you won't have time to play in the bath b4 bedtime, or bath will run late, no time for story. Sometimes I just explain that things upset me because I don't like them. Possessions I explain if they get broken we may not be able to replace them. If I get cross I try and explain that (i didn't want your toy to get broken) though now he says 'i think you're just tired Mummy'. I don't really bother with punishments tbh. We used to do naughty step. I do get cross (usually if I am tired!) I ask him not to make me cross when he is not doing what I ask, because we'll both end up upset, and again explaining I don't actually like being angry with him and that neither of us will end up winners. And pick your battles. It's not worth it.
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